The bottom line is this: rejection, like confrontation is hard. No one wants to hurt another’s feelings.
No one wants to blatantly say, “I’m just not that into you.” We prefer to speak with our actions. (After
all, aren’t they louder than words?)
Dating is tricky enough as it is… Finding someone you’re attracted to, getting around to expressing
interest, sparking friendly banter, scheduling the first date, etc… We forget sometimes that finding a
relationship is even harder. It’s hard to find that person you’re willing to continue the song and
dance of dating with and invest in something deeper.
More often than not, you’re going to strike out. I’m not trying to be harsh here. I’m just setting the
stage. With these odds stacked up against a first date, I don’t typically give a pairing the benefit of the
doubt. I go in as a pessimist, assuming this may be the only time I see the guy I’m out with.
This way, if I do hear from him again and/or we go out again, it’s a pleasant surprise. Not an
expectation. No one should expect that good conversation and a mutual admiration for the house pinot means
love at first sip. There are always more elements at play.
Like going into a job interview, you may feel like you did all your research, nailed the questions they
asked, and are perfect for the role. At the end of the day, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. The
role was offered to someone else that may have had more targeted experience, a better connection
with the hiring manager, or was willing to take the lower salary.
Sometimes your date will feel, for whatever reason, the chemistry is simply not there.
If and when this occurs, signs will begin to pop up. Less communication. Fewer initiated texts, more
monosyllable responses, less interest to commit to future plans. Learning the language of dating also
means learning the language of rejection.
If someone isn’t actively seeking out your time and attention, you’re probably not a priority for
them. That’s not to say that a few texts here and there can’t lead to another date. Sometimes the
opposite will even occur and you’ll encounter people who are very communicative with their
interest or lack thereof. But the majority of the time it’s subtle language that is going to do the
talking. Learning to pick up on these hints will help you get a clearer message of someone’s level of
interest in you. Letting go is the only way to get anything sometimes. So don’t feel too badly about letting someone down. It’s just part of the game.