In last weeks article on “When to call a girl and what to say” we briefly touched upon a specific component of conversing and setting up a date called “The Art of Seeding.” This week we will be further exploring the concept with the theory behind it and how it works.
Before we begin, it is critical to acknowledge the importance of seeding and how every Social Artist should make it a point to consciously seed events when conversing with people regardless if they intend to follow up with that person or not. With seeding being such an important component of conversing, we will start with a very basic definition of what it is.
Seeding (Verb): The concept of telling an individual about a certain event, location, place to eat, outing, movie, or anything else happening in the future but not initially inviting them to that specific event.
The key to properly seeding an event is to hype up the event as much as possible, make it seem like the most awesome thing in the world and something which anyone would be crazy not to attend. It is human nature to be intrigued by things we do not know about, want things we cannot have and be curious about the unknown so by “seeding” something in a persons mind, we are activating an individuals curiosity and planting a ‘seed’ for a future invitation.
At the same time, by not inviting them to the seeded event, you will be increasing the likelihood that they will want to be apart of this great thing you speak so highly of due to the simple fact they haven’t been invited to experience it yet. Then when you finally do mention the event and how you would like them to join you, they will feel much more compelled, excited and motivated to come with you as opposed if you had invited them right away.
The great thing about seeding is that there are no limitations on what you can or cannot seed. For example, I can seed something as extravagant as the most amazing concert ever to go on tour or something as simple as the most delicious mouth watering taco stand down the street. Point is – Don’t feel like you have to know about some amazing thing going on to seed an event, all you need is a place to take an individual. And if you think about it, if they’re going with you, it’s going to be amazing regardless!
Now that we have discussed what exactly seeding is, we will go into a general guideline to follow when seeding an event during a conversation with an individual. One basic format which I highly recommend Social Artists to use is the following:
“I went to the most (descriptive adjective) + (Location, Event, Outing, Movie, Resturant)last week and they had the most (Something unique/specific about that place) there, I simply cannot wait till I get the opportunity to go there again!”
To break it down more specifically, here is an example of the guideline mentioned above:
“”Oh my Gosh!! I just went to the most amazing taco restaurant in the world the other day! Trust me, I’ve been to A LOT of restaurants around the world (DHV), but this one is simply the best! The tacos were full of yummy melting cheese and to top it off – their margaritas were to die for! I’ve never had better margaritas in my life! I cannot wait to go there again! ”
“Last week my friend and I went on this hike to get a view of the city and it was the most amazing view I’ve ever seen in my life. It was literally breathtaking and my heart just skipped a beat by the beauty of the view. The hike was really fun too, we saw a bunch of cute deer and rabbits hoping around and then we had a delicious picnic once we reached our location. I am def. going to do that hike again in the next few weeks!”
Now when someone hears something described as passionately and detail oriented as that, then that should captivate them into wanting to go to this Taco Restaurant/Hike or other event/outing/restaurant you speak so highly about.
So you’ve planted a seed, what next? Once you have seeded, it can be very easy to set up a future encounter with that individual.
One of the most efficient ways to take a seeded event and transform it into a real event is to call or text (we here at Attractology always advocate calling rather then texting) the individual and say something along the lines of:
“Hey You!! Remember that (Seeded Event – Event, Restaurant, Outing, etc) I told you about a few days ago with the (Descriptive specifics of the event/restaurant, outing)!! Well I am really craving them right now so why don’t you come tag along and we’ll have the best (Seeded event) ever! You won’t be disappointed, I promise =)”
A more specific example of the format outlined above is:
“Heyyy…remember that taco place told you about a few days ago with the Delicious taco and to-die for margaritas!!! Well I am craving them right now so why don’t you come tag along and we’llhave the best meal ever! You won’t be disappointed, I promise =) “
“Hey!! Remember I was telling you about that amazing hike I went on last week with the cute rabbits and where I saw the most beautiful view of the city; well with it being such a gorgeous day outside, I am really wanting to get out and go for a nice hike so you should come with me! I promise to show you a view that you will never forget!”
As mentioned previously, since you have hyped up this event/outing/restaurant as the most amazing thing in the world, you’re increasing your chances of having that person accept your invitation. And if for some reason they cannot make it, the seeded event still gives you the perfect reason for calling them and just having a good conversation.
There are many benefits in seeding an event and that is why we here at Attractology highly recommend that every Social Artist seed events as much as possible. As stated previously, even if you do not intend to invite them to the event, you at least have the option to have them come along and it would not be out of the blue since you have already mentioned it to them in previous conversations. With that said, you should now have a good tool to use when setting up a future date with an individual – Seeding!
Until Next Time….
Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’ and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.
This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.
Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.
So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.
Theory behind the EDR Technique:
The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.
With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.
The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.
Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.
Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:
Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.
Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.
You want to use something more simple and direct such as:
“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.
“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.
Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:
“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.
While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.
Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:
“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.
“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.
From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.
Benefits of The EDR Technique:
Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:
1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.
2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.
3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.
4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.
5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.
Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!
Until Next Time….
Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!
So I was recently asked the question on how to properly receive a kiss without being overwhelmed with the other persons wandering tongue. She said: Whenever I kiss someone, somehow I always end up with their tongue in my mouth, even if that’s not what I had originally thought was going to happen. They never force it in, which makes me think that I’ve been just going in and opening my mouth for them without even realizing it, even for a first kiss. I’d like to try having a kiss without the tongue, especially for a first kiss, and make things a little more sensual and a little less slobbery.
This young woman is one of several women who have been victims of what I call a “mouth raping.” She poses an important question regarding kissing, and that is: how much, is too much… tongue? And more importantly, how do I avoid it? More men and women are skipping the foreplay and getting right to business and I mean this both literally and figuratively; we live in a society that breeds instant gratification and neglects one of the most fundamental areas of sexual chemistry and connection: and that is patience. When the sexual tension builds, and builds, and builds until you both find yourself giving into the moment and going in for the kiss with all guns blazing you leave yourself wide open for a full blown tongue molestation. So how do you avoid it?
Before you go in for the smooch, you can pop on Lionel Richie’s ’Don’t You Ever Go Away’ or you can read the following:
When you feel like this kind of passion is boiling up, when the tea kettle is starting to scream, then SLOW DOWN. Take the energy between you and make it a romantic energy. If you can go in for the kiss slow, gentle, and controlled then the kiss is more likely to be similar. A great way to do this is to stare into his/her eyes for a few seconds, put one of your hands on the back of their neck, and take a few more seconds and drag this sexual tension out. (This is what I call the DRAG OUT PHASE). You let them know that you want to kiss them (you can do this by looking at their lips) but you also let them know that it’s going to happen on your time. This is where you can really set the tone and let them know that you are in CONTROL. Because when they do go in for the kiss, you can do what I call the BACK OFF PHASE. This is when you get so close to kissing them that there is no room for words between each of your lips; you linger here at this distance for a moment. The distance is key here, because it’s close enough to where they know you’re thinking about kissing them but you’re not, and that’s when you BACK OFF playfully with a smile. You can do this a few times, each time, slowing it down even more! It makes that passionate sexual energy (physical attraction) transform into a deeper connection (emotional attraction): one where comfort is developed through respecting your control and your ability to be playful and intimate at the same time. By the time you kiss, their following your lead and loving every second of it.
In life, everything is that much better when we have to work for it. So why not make the first kiss something that they have to work for!
Every good kiss has a feeling behind it. Whether that’s a sexually driven one, a kind one, a sad one, a passionate one, or a tender one, a great kiss should make you feel differently after having done it. Often time I’ll hear various philosophies about how a kiss can elevate you and your partner’s energies to another realm; regardless, we can come to an agreement that a great kiss is one that leaves you feeling connected to your partner on more than just a physical mouth to mouth level.
Our intent certainly plays itself out in the way that we kiss. So, if you want to reach those higher realms, to create a connection beyond the physical, then it’s important to embody a TENDER feeling behind your kiss. This means that you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the moment that the two of you are in, to trust it, and feel comfort that they’re going to kiss you in the same way that you’re kissing them. If you can embody TENDERNESS then it’s truly a fascinating thing how powerfully and naturally receptive your partner will be to this energy. Good kissers, will pick up on it and reciprocate it, and connect with you on that superior level.
If you’re familiar with Richie’s music then you would know that he said these words three stanzas down:
“Kiss, when it’s SLOW with TENDERNESS…”
Either Lionel Richie has kissed some ‘mouth rapists’ or he’s just way ahead of the kissing game, either way, if you’re tongue happy or keep getting tongue happy partners, then I hope you enjoy our advice. Go out and kiss to your hearts desire!
To Your Success,
Vlog on Being more Social