Here are five things you may be doing that are sending the wrong signals.
Men:
- Ironic facial hair.
- This statement has become huge in the past couple years. From bets, to Mustache March, or simply testing the lengths your facial hair can grow, this is one trend that will get the ladies running… the wrong way. Unless it’s for a good cause (Movember is a great organization and potentially a great conversation starter, just remember to wear something stating your efforts, and keep your stache to the appropriate month)… Shave. Women don’t have the same appreciation for a barbershop mustache like your friends do.
- Statement Tees.
- It may have seemed funny at the time of purchase, but your “FBI: Female Body Inspector” shirt is only telling women that you have a questionable sense of humor and a wandering eye.
Instead, stick to classic solid tees, cut well to flatter your physique.
- It may have seemed funny at the time of purchase, but your “FBI: Female Body Inspector” shirt is only telling women that you have a questionable sense of humor and a wandering eye.
- Comfort Gone Wrong.
- There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable in your attire. But there are some things that are better saved for home, on the couch, on a lazy Sunday. These items may include (but are not limited to) sweatpants, Crocs, torn tee-shirts and sweatshirts, athletic jerseys, anything that you may consider your lucky ____ (and have subsequently over worn), and clothing with spots or stains.
- Ignoring the details.
- Yes, women will see those white socks you chose to hide under your slacks and oxfords. The small elements that you hoped no one will notice, is sadly something the female gender have a trained eye to see.
- Faded and misfitting clothing.
- Once your blacks begin to look like grey, the reds look like pinks, and the perfectly shaped sweater looks like it belongs to your little sister, it’s time to replace. There’s nothing wrong with getting the most out of your wardrobe investments, but learn to know when to let go.
Your physical appearance is not the only thing that women notice. Have an awareness of what your body language and actions are communicating. Are you making eye contact with the object of your affection (or interest)? Or are you constantly checking Facebook/texts/scores on your phone? Is your body positioned away from the person you’re interested in? Are you ordering drink after drink just to keep something in your hand? Sometimes the things we do out of nervousness or habit to pass the time are speaking louder than our own words.
Women:
- Sour face.
- When I go out anywhere in public, I’m always keeping an eye on how people interact. I love to observe body language, and social dynamics as a whole. One thing that I have noticed time after time, is the sour-faced girl. You know exactly who I’m talking about. She’s with a group of friends and because she looks like her favorite parakeet just died, she brings down the attractiveness and approachability of the entire group. Why? Because as a man, it can be intimidating enough to walk up to a group of girls, let alone, a group that has a gargoyle as a personal man-deterrent. No one wants to deal with a sour-faced chick, so quit it. You’re not only hurting yourself, you’re hurting your friends as well.
- Weird makeup.
- One of the advantages of being a gorgeous woman is that you get to enhance your natural beauty with makeup. However, please make sure that you know what you’re doing. A little goes a long way, and just the right amount is nothing short of sexy. Just like you don’t want us to cologne-bomb you, don’t clown-face us.
- Crazy Talk.
- This should be a no-brainer, but as we get older and start to lug around more emotional baggage, it becomes more difficult to avoid what has happened in the past as a conversation topic or really anything too controversial. Nothing will make a sane person run in the opposite direction faster than questions like “You won’t hurt me will you?” “How many kids do you want? I want five.” “I’m still good friends with all my ex-boyfriends, is that weird?” or my personal favorite “Do you like cats?”
- The Stalker.
- In this day and age, everyone has a ton of information about them on the internet. I get that some of you want to be friends on Facebook before you really get the chance to know that dude you just met. You want some social-proof on a guy before you move forward. Understandably, you want to make sure he’s not married, have kids, worship Satan, or whatever else you can pick up from an online profile. Fair enough. However, if you know what he is doing at all times due to social media, and bring it up in conversation casually like “How was karaoke last Tuesday at ____________, and who were those girls you were with?” Don’t get hurt when he freaks the f*ck out.
- Sluts.
- Kind of like fast food value meals, they sound better than they really are. Guys, keep your standards up. Unless you think you really found love, and we won’t judge you here, try to keep the sluts to a minimum. Girls won’t respect you because they don’t respect guys that go for girls that don’t respect themselves. Girls, if you’re just looking for fun, that’s totally fine. However, if you’re looking for a fulfilling relationship, try to be respectable and keep it classy. Because there is nothing hotter than a woman who values herself.
Don’t feel bad if you’re guilty of any of these. No one is perfect and these are just tips to help you along your path to love and a fulfilling relationship. However, if you are guilty of more than three of these things, please contact us ASAP and we will help you!!! Thanks for reading.
Tyler & Carina
In last weeks article on “When to call a girl and what to say” we briefly touched upon a specific component of conversing and setting up a date called “The Art of Seeding.” This week we will be further exploring the concept with the theory behind it and how it works.
Before we begin, it is critical to acknowledge the importance of seeding and how every Social Artist should make it a point to consciously seed events when conversing with people regardless if they intend to follow up with that person or not. With seeding being such an important component of conversing, we will start with a very basic definition of what it is.
Seeding (Verb): The concept of telling an individual about a certain event, location, place to eat, outing, movie, or anything else happening in the future but not initially inviting them to that specific event.
The key to properly seeding an event is to hype up the event as much as possible, make it seem like the most awesome thing in the world and something which anyone would be crazy not to attend. It is human nature to be intrigued by things we do not know about, want things we cannot have and be curious about the unknown so by “seeding” something in a persons mind, we are activating an individuals curiosity and planting a ‘seed’ for a future invitation.
At the same time, by not inviting them to the seeded event, you will be increasing the likelihood that they will want to be apart of this great thing you speak so highly of due to the simple fact they haven’t been invited to experience it yet. Then when you finally do mention the event and how you would like them to join you, they will feel much more compelled, excited and motivated to come with you as opposed if you had invited them right away.
The great thing about seeding is that there are no limitations on what you can or cannot seed. For example, I can seed something as extravagant as the most amazing concert ever to go on tour or something as simple as the most delicious mouth watering taco stand down the street. Point is – Don’t feel like you have to know about some amazing thing going on to seed an event, all you need is a place to take an individual. And if you think about it, if they’re going with you, it’s going to be amazing regardless!
Now that we have discussed what exactly seeding is, we will go into a general guideline to follow when seeding an event during a conversation with an individual. One basic format which I highly recommend Social Artists to use is the following:
“I went to the most (descriptive adjective) + (Location, Event, Outing, Movie, Resturant)last week and they had the most (Something unique/specific about that place) there, I simply cannot wait till I get the opportunity to go there again!”
To break it down more specifically, here is an example of the guideline mentioned above:
“”Oh my Gosh!! I just went to the most amazing taco restaurant in the world the other day! Trust me, I’ve been to A LOT of restaurants around the world (DHV), but this one is simply the best! The tacos were full of yummy melting cheese and to top it off – their margaritas were to die for! I’ve never had better margaritas in my life! I cannot wait to go there again! ”
Or
“Last week my friend and I went on this hike to get a view of the city and it was the most amazing view I’ve ever seen in my life. It was literally breathtaking and my heart just skipped a beat by the beauty of the view. The hike was really fun too, we saw a bunch of cute deer and rabbits hoping around and then we had a delicious picnic once we reached our location. I am def. going to do that hike again in the next few weeks!”
Now when someone hears something described as passionately and detail oriented as that, then that should captivate them into wanting to go to this Taco Restaurant/Hike or other event/outing/restaurant you speak so highly about.
So you’ve planted a seed, what next? Once you have seeded, it can be very easy to set up a future encounter with that individual.
One of the most efficient ways to take a seeded event and transform it into a real event is to call or text (we here at Attractology always advocate calling rather then texting) the individual and say something along the lines of:
“Hey You!! Remember that (Seeded Event – Event, Restaurant, Outing, etc) I told you about a few days ago with the (Descriptive specifics of the event/restaurant, outing)!! Well I am really craving them right now so why don’t you come tag along and we’ll have the best (Seeded event) ever! You won’t be disappointed, I promise =)”
A more specific example of the format outlined above is:
“Heyyy…remember that taco place told you about a few days ago with the Delicious taco and to-die for margaritas!!! Well I am craving them right now so why don’t you come tag along and we’llhave the best meal ever! You won’t be disappointed, I promise =) “
Or
“Hey!! Remember I was telling you about that amazing hike I went on last week with the cute rabbits and where I saw the most beautiful view of the city; well with it being such a gorgeous day outside, I am really wanting to get out and go for a nice hike so you should come with me! I promise to show you a view that you will never forget!”
As mentioned previously, since you have hyped up this event/outing/restaurant as the most amazing thing in the world, you’re increasing your chances of having that person accept your invitation. And if for some reason they cannot make it, the seeded event still gives you the perfect reason for calling them and just having a good conversation.
There are many benefits in seeding an event and that is why we here at Attractology highly recommend that every Social Artist seed events as much as possible. As stated previously, even if you do not intend to invite them to the event, you at least have the option to have them come along and it would not be out of the blue since you have already mentioned it to them in previous conversations. With that said, you should now have a good tool to use when setting up a future date with an individual – Seeding!
Until Next Time….
Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’ and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.
This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.
Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.
So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.
Theory behind the EDR Technique:
The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.
With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.
The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.
Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.
Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:
Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.
Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.
You want to use something more simple and direct such as:
“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.
Or
“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.
Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:
“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.
While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.
Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:
“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.
Or
“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.
From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.
Benefits of The EDR Technique:
Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:
1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.
2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.
3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.
4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.
5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.
Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!
Until Next Time….
Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!
Flirt with the right body language
Flirt by being playful
Flirt with the tease
Flirt with the ‘wrong response’
Flirt with misinterpretation
Flirt with touch
A question I get from a lot of people is “so do you just teach guys how to pick up women?” and always I answer plainly and honestly: NO. See, being an attractive person is so much more than just men picking up women or women picking up men. An attractive person is someone who welcomes abundance into their life and as a byproduct of that comes more enriching relationships, more financial success and anything else that makes your life good. And it’s funny because when I first started studying this stuff a few years back I thought that meeting women and having ‘intimate’ relationships was the answer to everything. And once I got those things on a consistent basis, I recognized that alone picking up a woman can be very empty, shallow and unfulfilling. And the more I tried to convince myself that of the opposite, the more I was left unsatisfied. Now, I still enjoy intimacy and relationships but the way I look at it is very different than I once did.
Love the Moment
Be a Giver
Along the same lines as loving the moment, an attractive person is also a giver. When you love yourself, you are at ease with the moment and your relationship to the world, you naturally give to others in all types of forms. It can be a compliment, a favor or even just a smile but whatever it is, your core motivation always dwells in a place of non-neediness. In other words, you give selflessly without expecting anything in return. And there’s a huge distinction because a lot of people give but inside expect to get the world back. They are playing for a transaction rather than a gift. A great example is a guy who takes a women out on an extravagant date, pays for everything, showers her with compliments yet on a deeper level he’s doing it because he wants her to like him. This is possibly the most common mistake ‘nice guys’ make yet it’s never their niceness that’s the problem, it’s the neediness. Woman can smell it a mile away and it stinks. However when you give selflessly, not expecting anything back, the world always manifests a way to repay you whether that payment is intrinsic or not. So be that guy who gives value to people without expecting to get anything back. Be Active
Nearly all of television portrays attraction between men and women. It is part of human interaction. The problem is often times actors give us a skewed, unrealistic perception of how it happens between men and women when we watch it. The scary thing is we have all been at least a little conditioned through sitcoms, films, soap operas and even the not-so-real reality tv. Most times we don’t realize it.
I have always watched loads of tv and movies, ever since I was little I was forming my thoughts on the world and relationships based on watching media. And for the most part, I think it was a hindrance for my game. Think about all those movies where the quiet, shy, yet uniquely cool guy pines after some gorgeous girl and after some conflict usually involving another douche bag, she comes around and they fall in love. Almost like a fairy tale. Because I could identify with ‘that’ guy, which I think a lot of guys can, I thought that if I just kept being him, that it would just work out. But in real life it rarely ever ends this way. Unless that guy decides to learn about women, attraction, body language, he will enjoy the same level of success he always has.
Which illustrates an important point about whatever you have in life. You cannot expect things to change for the better if you are not making an effort to change them. Being shy, quiet but uniquely cute is not an effective strategy to meet women. I wish it were! I would have had much more success throughout my teens and early 20s. But it’s just not how it works in real life! Hoping and praying are all fine and good..but if you truly want something, have to make it happen.
Another unrealistic thing I often observe in films is that I see in a lot movies that don’t realistically portray the approaches. Often in film, when men go and approach women for whatever reason, the womens is already displaying receptive body language as if she is already into him. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally this will happen granted you have near flawless body language and good looks. But for the rest of us, it doesn’t happen this ideally. We have to display some value. We have to take advantage of our communication skills a bit more. James Bond movies are renowned for doing this. James will catch a beautiful women staring at him, he walks over to her and coyly whispers something sexual in her ear and from then on she is all over him. As I said before, it can happen like this, but rarely is does attraction happen so smoothly.
Although most are bad and don’t represent reality, there are a couple movies that I feel do paint a more realistic picture. If you watch Wedding Crashers, Both Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn use something as close to classic textbook game as I have ever seen on the big screen. In the beginning in particular watch how Vince Vaughn goes from Demonstrating Value by doing balloon tricks for the kids to dancing with his ‘target’ girl. To which then he isolates her and builds a sense of connection talking about the philosophy of connectedness to which then he takes it physical. All of this is of course is done in a hilarious way but it portrays what I think of as a more accurate, proactive depiction of attraction. Another great movie to see is Don Juan Demarco. Johnny Depp creates a marvelous, seductive character that truly sees the beauty in all women. When you watch this one, observe his usage of imagery in how he describes the world and more importantly how he describes it to women. It’s excellent stuff. Another good one to check out is the most recent remake of Alfie featuring Jude Law. Law emanates a natural charisma in this movie that is believable and as you watch, gets him many many women. Top Gun is another great movie to watch. Observe the sexual tension between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis.
In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with watching films and tv even if they portray an inaccurate picture of how it happens in the real world. Just make sure to recognize IT ISN’T REAL, and for the most part doesn’t represent reality. It’s time we reprogram the way we think about attraction.
Recognition is the first step towards enlightenment
A question I am asked a lot is “How can I tell when a girl is interested in me?”. Sure, answers like “when you sense it” or “when you two have a connection” are vague and simple enough to appease most people, but lets break it down a little further.
First off, a good frame of mind is to assume she is always interested you. Not in a way that you are crossing boundaries or laying all your cards on the table, but having a confident mindset will work in your favor.
Physical Signs & Actions That She Might Be Interested
- She touches you
- She whispers something
- She tilts her head playfully
- She plays with her hair
- She laughs at your jokes
- She holds eye contact
- She asks you questions
- She is generally just more open to conversation
What to do when you get these signs?
Keep the conversation going; listen and respond to her. Mastering kino touch is essential. Know the difference between a sexual guy (good) and a horny guy (bad). A sexual guy isn’t afraid to talk about a sexual topic or make a joke – he calls an spade a spade – while a horny guy is needy of sex and actions are driven because of it. By having a good time, incorporating touch and giving her subtle signs you are interested too you will find yourself taking things further, more often.
I’m just finishing up Ayn Rand’s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don’t agree with all of her philosophy, it’s interesting nonetheless. Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.
A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.
He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.
Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454
Let’s hear your thoughts people! Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?
