Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is the final form of love”
-Reinhold Niebuhr

At one point in my life I dated and fell in love with a beautiful women.  She was smart, she was sexy, and we had a great connection. But after 5 months she hit me with those dreaded words “I think we should just be friends.” 

At the time, I took it personally.  I was heartbroken, sad, angry, and everything in between.  But it didn’t stop there. The pain I felt in that situation triggered painful memories from the past that reminded me of my lifelong struggle getting and keeping girlfriends. I started questioning myself.  Am I not lovable?  Am I going to be alone forever?  Can any women ever love me? And these questions prompted more emotions, which looped around in my head, consuming my attention and head space.  I was in a bad place.

What I didn’t realize until later, was that what you feel on the inside, you project on the outside. You can’t hide from how you feel. Eventually it leaks through whether you intend it to or not.   On the outside for me, it came through as bitterness and discontent.  Out in the attraction field it was as clear as day, except of course to me.  Behind my painted on smile and articulated words were hints of cynicism and bitterness.

And believe me, the women that I would talk to could smell it on me.  They could see my anger, frustration, and inner conflict. And you could be sure they wanted to have no part in it and no part in me. 

In reality, everyone at some time or another has been wronged, offended and emotionally hurt.  It is inevitable.  There will always be people in your life, who don’t like you, appreciate you enough or may even flat out resent  you.   It is the dark side of a diverse species.  But you must learn to forgive.  You must learn to let go of the past.

Holding onto negative feelings about another person or yourself is similar to carrying a bag of  bricks on your shoulders.  And every day, you carry out your duties with an extra weight, slowing you down.   To become an attractive male, you must set down your  bag of bricks. You must bid farewell to anything and everything that is consuming your emotional energy and crippling your ability to spiritually and emotionally grow.

Recognizing forgiveness is only useful when you give it away, forgive everyone including those who have offended you and those who have not.  Forgive those have asked for forgiveness and those who have not.  More often than not,  offenders pay little attention to their offense. A lot of the times they never realize how much of an impact their offense had.  You must forgive them.  You must free yourself from the shackles they have placed in your mind.  The same goes for yourself.  There is no pointing on dwelling on past experiences (or lack of past experiences)  in which you have placed the blame on yourself.  Understand that everyone makes mistakes.  Nobody is perfect.  You must forgive yourself for blame and past faults.  Today, allow yourself a clean slate, a clean record, a forgiven past.  Only when you forgive yourself and forgive others can you effectively become an attractive person.

Next >> Belief Reconstruction