What’s up guys (and ladies), you know it’s funny when we started this site about 95% of our visitors were men but now we are getting more and more females which goes to show how much this stuff is relevant to both sexes. What dating, relationship, and confidence issues men go through, women go through as well, just in a slightly different way. That being said, the topic that I want to talk about today applies just as much to women as it does for men; sex. And more importantly when to have it.
Now, if you’re a long time veteran in the dating advice community, you’ll recognize there is a lot of different advice out there. Some schools of thought teach men to have sex with a woman as quickly as possible to solidify their role as the alpha dog. Other schools of thought including our good friend Marni from DWD teach their students to wait up to 60 days before having sex with a person. Now, I’m not going to give a specific timeline as to which of these is better. In my opinion, these are both extremes. And really, when you have sex boils down to what you’re looking for and that particular relationship. However, keep in mind sex is the most intimate act two people can participate in and the time frame that it happens in can dictate the terms of the relationship.
For example, let’s say you go out to the bar, have a few drinks, meet a sexy brunette and the two of you completely hit it off! So much that you end up going home together and having sex. The relationship you’ve developed with this person will have been built purely on appearances and the influence of booze leaving to rest the emotional connection and trust needed for romantic intimacy. While your post coitus may make you crave a sandwich, women are instantly reminded of this lacking, creating discomfort and even the occasional awkwardness. Damn oxytocin! Additionally, you could find when you try to reconnect with this woman she’s reluctant to see you. ”Does he just want to have sex with me? Will it be awkward when I see him?” are common questions running through a woman’s head when she’s rushed a sexual relationship with a guy and now he’s trying to hang out again. So you can see, having sex too soon can be a bad thing.
On the other side of the coin, waiting months to get physical with someone can also not be good. Too much of an emotional relationship without the physical and you’re in store for a new BFF! This is where a lot of guys get hung up in that they enjoy hanging out with a woman but they don’t want to ruin it by making a move. Really, by not making a move they are slowing ruining it for themselves. Ideally, romantic intimacy is built when both the emotional and physical connection are aligned and on the same track! And after the trust, emotional understanding and boundaries are developed then have sex. Generally this happens on date 3 or 4 but when you’re dealing with attraction, dating, and social dynamics, every rule is meant to be broken.
Read more about topic in Foundations
As a side note, recognize I’m no saint in this area and have been on both sides of the spectrum of not waiting long enough and waiting too long to where something platonic has developed. I don’t want to appear as preachy or like I’m infallible or above anyone because I am definitely not and have made just as many (if not more) mistakes as the next person. But as a human being, all we can do is try to implement what we feel is right today. When tomorrow comes, we’ll deal with that then. Until next time,
p.s I’d love to hear what you guys think about this topic. Most everyone has had some experience here. So let’s hear it!