Often times the main fear and obstacle that men face when approaching and interacting with women is the thought that she knows that he is “hitting on her and trying to get some just like every other guy that passes her by throughout the day. This isn’t true of course, it’s simply what we men often think.

As Social Artists, YES we do want to show interest to a woman (if she qualifies herself and meets our standards) but at the same time, we don’t want to come off like every other guy who creepily persists until he scares her off.

As good as it sounds that women like a man who is loving, caring, affectionate, and gives her attention; the reality of it is that too much of anything in the beginning can be a major turnoff.

So how do we do this? How do we learn to develop a bond with a quality lady and at the same time not give off the ‘He’s hitting on me vibe”? In the following article, we will be breaking down the fundamentals of the initial interaction with a women and how not to give off the “player vibe” during your interaction.

Opening: When you first approach a woman who interests you and a conversation is started, it’s first a good idea to use a False Time Constraint which is simply saying  you can only “Stay there for a second because you have to get back to your friends”. The reason for this False Time Constraint is because when a stranger approaches you, the first few thoughts that run across your mind are:

1) Who is this person?

2) What does he/she wants?

3) How long are they going to be taking up my time?

So by immediately stating that you will only be there for a few seconds/minutes, they will be more willing to talk to you knowing you’ve got somewhere else to go and will only be hanging around for a moment. It’s comforting to know someone will leave before it’s taken place. While most guys will hover  like stars orbiting a planet, you will be the only one who is willing to walk away before she does.

I’ve also developed a technique called the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique (EDR Technique) which  allows you to develop a conversation with a woman without them thinking you are hitting on them. We will be elaborating more on this EDR Technique in next week’s newsletter but for now let us focus on what to do once you’ve started the conversation.

Disqualification: Once you’ve started talking to her, consider false disqualifying her  via dropping hints you aren’t hitting on her. By doing this you are sub communicating she isn’t your type which again implies: I am not hitting on you.

Two simple and effective disqualifiers you can use are:

“Oh my god!! No Way!! You like (Something she states she likes) too!! I can tell already, you and I would never get along; we simply have too much in common!”

or

“ohh my god.  I love you.  You’re going to be my new little sister!”

It shows that she is off your “potential mate list” but at the same time, you’re giving value and making yourself a challenge.

It’s all in the sub-communication. While a majority of guys will continue to show interest in a girl, by not hitting on her, you are actually disqualifying yourself and making her qualify/prove herself to you. You are showing her that you have standards for yourself and just because a girl looks beautiful, doesn’t mean she can have you. You should go into every interaction knowing that you are a valued commodity, not to be sold just on physical beauty.

Body Language: While you are interacting with a woman who has drawn your attention, it is very important to watch your body language. Communication is 93% non-verbal which is further evidence you should put a huge emphasis on eye contact, voice tonality, stance/posture and other forms of body language.

The number one thing to remember when communicating with an individual is to look at them directly in the eyes when talking to them. The average rate of consistent eye contact with another individual should last anywhere from 4-9 seconds before blinking or briefly glancing away before reconnecting eye contact. Do not give off the stalker, fixed eye stare and certainly do not stare anywhere under her neck. But don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a bit longer than normal.

Another important component of body language which should be recognized when communicated with an individual is the amount of space you give them. It is recommended to stand anywhere from 10-12 inches away from a person when talking to them; it is close enough where an individual can hear you clearly and far enough where they do not feel you are intruding in their “bubble”.

Most women can sense a man is hitting on them by the way they are immediately so close up to them attempting to whisper in their ear and so forth; although all that is nice, it will happen in time, everything happens in steps.

Being Social: The most important piece of information that can be given with regards to not giving off the “I’m hitting on you” vibe is to not approach her to hit on her! Rather approach her with the mindset that you are just a very social individual that wants to met new and interesting people.

A great way to ensure that you are not hitting on her and are just being social is to interact with everyone at the venue – guys, girls, bartenders, security guards, grandparents, children, teachers, waiters, and so forth – not only the women.

By being friendly and interacting with everyone, it gets you in a social mode which people will take notice. Then when you do approach a lady, rather then thinking you are “hitting on her”, she will simply believe you are being friendly and the doors will be wide open for you to get to know her. In fact, she will be looking forward to the opportunity to get to know you.

Remember…being unique and differentiating yourself from others is what will make you stand out from the pack; keep these suggestions in mind next time you are interacting with a quality woman who captures your interest and she will quickly realize you are not like every other guy who approaches her.

Until Next Time…

What’s up guys (and ladies), you know it’s funny when we started this site about 95%  of our visitors were men but now we are getting more and more females which goes to show how much this stuff is relevant to both sexes.  What dating, relationship, and confidence issues men go through, women  go through as well, just in a slightly different way.  That being said, the topic that I want to talk about today applies just as much to women as it does  for men; sex.  And more importantly when to have it.

Now, if you’re a long time veteran in the dating advice community, you’ll recognize there is a lot of different advice out there.  Some schools of thought teach men to have sex with a woman as quickly as possible to solidify their role as the alpha dog.  Other schools of thought including our good friend Marni from DWD teach their students to wait up to 60 days before having sex with a person.  Now, I’m not going to give a specific timeline as to which of these is better.  In my opinion, these are both extremes. And really, when you have sex boils down to what you’re looking for and that particular relationship.  However, keep in mind sex is the most intimate act two people can participate in and the time frame that it happens in can dictate the terms of the relationship.

For example, let’s say you go out to the bar, have a few drinks, meet a sexy brunette and the two of you completely hit it off!  So much that you end up going home together and having sex.  The relationship you’ve developed with this person will have been built purely on appearances and the influence of booze  leaving to rest the emotional connection and trust needed for romantic intimacy.  While your post coitus may make you crave a sandwich, women are  instantly reminded of this lacking, creating discomfort and even the occasional awkwardness.  Damn oxytocin! Additionally, you could find when you try to reconnect with this woman she’s reluctant to see you.  ”Does he just want to have sex with me?  Will it be awkward when I see him?” are common questions running through a woman’s head when she’s rushed a  sexual relationship with a guy and now he’s trying to hang out again.  So you can see, having sex too soon can be a bad thing.

On the other side of the coin, waiting months to get physical with someone can also not be good.  Too much of an emotional relationship without the physical and you’re in store for a new BFF!  This is where a lot of guys get hung up in that they enjoy hanging out with a woman but they don’t want to ruin it by making a move.  Really, by not making a move they are slowing ruining it for themselves.  Ideally, romantic intimacy is built when both the emotional and physical connection are aligned and on the same track!  And after the trust, emotional understanding and boundaries are developed then have sex. Generally this happens on date 3 or 4 but when you’re dealing with attraction, dating, and  social dynamics, every rule is meant to be broken.

Read more about topic in Foundations

As a side note, recognize I’m no saint in this area and have been on both sides of the spectrum of not waiting long enough and waiting too long to where something platonic has developed.   I don’t want to appear as preachy or like I’m infallible or above anyone because I am definitely not and have made just as many (if not more) mistakes as the next person. But as a human being,  all we can do is try to implement what we feel is right today.  When tomorrow comes, we’ll deal with that then.  Until next time,

Cheers,

Briddick

p.s I’d love to hear what you guys think about this topic.  Most everyone has had some experience here. So let’s hear it!

First off, thanks guys for writing into us for the last few months asking for this program. Now it’s here. We are offering 3 different packages to connect one-on-one via skype and email with an Attractology coach.  These programs are very flexible and completely personalized.

Learn how to create relationships with women gracefully, without conforming to something that you are not. Find and bring out the Naturally attractive person in you and get the results you want!

We will initially be working with a limited number of clients and we are offering these packages at some amazing prices. I don’t anticipate the prices to stay this low knowing that our time is limited but we wanted to make sure everyone who has been emailing us about this program can afford it.

Click here for more information

 

I’ve been thinking about an interesting concept the last couple of weeks and it’s the barrier that stands between two people who have never met before.  When around friends we’re all social, talkative and can cut loose but for one reason or another in the presence of a stranger, we close ourselves off.  I can think of a couple reasons why we do this. 

Distraction

The first reason that comes to mind for me is distraction. During the day when we’re out we have things to do, a place to be and a time to be there by. Our daily missions and objectives come with heavy time constraints and rarely revolve around making friends or socializing.  For example, we go to a grocery store to get groceries to make dinner or go to the gym to workout.  We go to clothing store to buy clothes and all of this has to be done before 4pm! We are also heavily distracted by technology. Cell phones and mobile internet may be the greatest inventions of the 21st Century that can connect us in cyberspace, but they also draw us away from the ‘real world.’  A call here, a text there and an ever so often Facebook can chip hours away that could have been spent in the ‘real world’. 

Trust

The second and most important reason for the separation of two strangers is trust. With so many lunatics, perverts and crazies out there it can be really hard to tell who’s a good guy and who’s a not so good guy.  And seeing men have the physical edge, women have to be extra cautious. One place you can actively witness the weariness of females is in nightclubs and bars. The combination of alcohol, pent up horniness and dolled up women makes for a unique arena. 

In bars and nightclubs there is usually a high density of guys who have the same intention; pick up a woman. So it should come as no surprise that women in these places get hit on A LOT!  And every time a new guy approaches, his intentions become increasingly more visible and predictable and as a consequence, women are forced to be put up a wall that screens for any horny, houndish ‘guy’ behavior.  When guys act like this there will be an immiedate disconnect between them and her, the creeper radar has been alerted and responds with the fastest, most efficient way of getting him to leave usually involving her being having to be rude for the guy to get the clue.  Hey, she’s tried being nice and subtly showing disinterest before but that didn’t work.  Finally she realized the only way to remove themselves from this uncomfortable situation was to say something blunt enough to get him to leave. The problem is this wall also screens out a lot of good guys with good intentions who just don’t know how to connect with a woman. 

So how to connect and bring down the trust barrier. Knowing what you’ve just read, the answer should seem relatively simple. Be completely non-threatening. You have to NOT have an ulterior motive to pick her up. Firstly, this means recognizing the insignificance and natural process of sex.  Sex is natural and with the right person can be pure bliss but it’s not the end all and be all of life.  To pursue it as something greater than everything else is not only counterproductive in attracting women. Recognize this and you eliminate any need to get something from her.

The next thing that will help you lower the trust barrier is to assume everyone is already your friend and wants to meet you. Have a core intent to BE SOCIAL. We were designed to be social. By going out and simply talking to everyone you see, not as means to get something from them but just out of genuine curiosity, they will naturally be more receptive. And the only way I can really explain this is that when you have an underlying motivation or intention that is non needy, that isn’t trying to get something, people pick up on that energy and it naturally makes them more comfortable. They see it as it is, genuine sincerity and authenticity.  And I really learned from a good friend who would NEVER ‘try’ to pick up women but would talk to just about every man and women in the club and never once get rejected or told to leave.  And it was because of this idea of not having an ulterior motive, not having a need-laden intention that enabled instant trust with any person he came in contact with. 

Additional random thoughts that didn’t make it into this post…

*-You might wonder why women put up with the bar and clubs in the first place? Why go out to these “meat markets?” And the answer is attention. When you’re going to these places and receiving a ton attention and compliments from people, it’s extremely validating. You feel sexy when you know other people think you’re sexy. And even though a women may not be interested in ‘hooking up’ or meeting any man that night, the attention will keep bringing her back.*

*Have you ever noticed that as soon as you become introduced to someone either by a friend or acquaintance, it becomes easy to have a friendly, casual conversation?  It’s like that mutual contact, no matter what the relationship is, lowers that barrier to where the third party always feel comfortable talking to you. And really, this is how most couples meet; through mutual friends.  But in meeting women, relying solely on who you know and who your friends know can be incredibly limiting.*

I just found a comment and response between a visitor and Mason that I feel a lot of guys can identify with and benefit from.  Check it.

Visitor writes in response to our interview series…

The system is fuckin genious man, much respect for the whole group and the project. but how can you keep your mind more occupied and constantly add subtance onto what you got already? picking up where u left off? Good Conversations are the most important aspect in relationships but can get really boring after a while once they run through the same routine and same shit but different story. sometimes its difficult to stay unpredictable. but what is the best way to get in touch and grasp on to lead conversations and be more outgoing to build stronger interest within yourself and the crowd? its the conversations and topics of interest that are brought up with confidence in everything else. i just hate when you talk for a few hours and there is nothing else to say anymore. it gets ridiculous when you get into that akward vibe of silence when everything is said and done. how do u keep your mind running and move forward beyond that point when u feel like uve already been though it all? what keeps things interesting besides suprises and new events? the mindset from sunrise to sunset? it never ends. what keeps life from getting boring and unattractive besides new things? it takes its effect on everything else we do. what r u supposed to do when silence takes its toll on your mind over the phone? the ice needs to be broken n i need some desperate help man. no shame at all. 

Mason’s response:

First off, thank you for the compliments to what we’re doing here at attractology.com. You touch on an area that so many people run into. I’ve run into it, my colleagues have run into it, in fact, I would be surprised if anybody that’s joined the dating world has not been bombarded with this same dilemma at least one time.

You’ve come to the right place with your questions. If I’m not mistaken, you want to know how to keep this forward moving momentum without letting it slip/fade away in conversations, and simply in general. I mean, ultimately, and this is the nature of many people’s lives, is that a lot of people are on top one day, and are way down at the bottom the next and they have no answer for this!

You mention conversational momentum; that it seems to fade and become boring and mundane. Mr. Min, there are methods that you can learn to keep a conversation flowing from one subject to the next, there’s something called THREADING conversations (having multiple stories and finding a way to connect them) BUT this is not what I believe you want, at least not as a final goal. I believe that you want to be able to have a conversation move effortlessly, without thought, without worrying about “oh she’s getting bored, I’m getting bored, what should I do now!” and when you hang up the phone or kiss her goodbye, you want to be able to say to yourself, “wow that conversation felt perfect, did that just happen?”

The trick is finding that ATTRACTIVE niche in the lifestyle that you already live, and bringing it out as often as you can! You want to learn how to tap into this ATTRACTIVE ZONE that is completely you.

You can learn routine after routine after routine, and find success with women, but you will not find fluidity in the attraction process, you will not find grace, and most importantly, you will not find what I believe the reason (the holy grail) of what most people join this community to seek, and that is finding natural chemistry with a woman.

Fluidity, grace, and natural chemistry are by-products of living an attractive lifestyle. You won’t run out of things to say, or things to do because your thought process will not be fighting ideas that come to your head, they will simply accept them or let them pass by, and this is something that takes time, effort, and is possible for any person to achieve.

Briddick  is going to either write an article or post a video in the next few weeks on how to tap into what we call the “FLOW STATE” which is a beautiful starting point for learning how to get out of your head, and into the moment!

If you have any more questions, you can email me at mason@attractology.com, and I’m also available for consultation.

~Hope this helps

Complete 60 video playlist.