Ask yourself, what am I really looking for right now? You may think you’re searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but in reality because you’re looking so hard for that person, or waiting for them to come along, you’re missing the fun you can be having as a strong, single, independent person. Conversely, if you’ve been in that long-term relationship for awhile, and it’s becoming a little stale, it may be time for a little relationship rejuvenation. Time to spark up some fun and spontaneity.
I challenge you to do this: live in the now, be present. If you want fun right now, then go out and get all you need, and if you are really looking for that something that fulfills you more than you have now, figure out what that is and go after it. Because there really is a deadline in life, and we are hurling towards it faster than we would like to believe. The point is whatever you’re looking for, do it with urgency and with abandon. You’ll never feel more alive.
Set Your Goals
In recent years, I’ve found goal setting to be one of the most productive activities you can do for yourself. In my experience, rather than rattle off thirty things you think you want, start with a single word. What would you like to embody in 2010? What’s your 2010 theme? In terms of myself, I chose the word ‘give’ because I want to make this year about giving as much possible to the people who come into my life. From there, apply it to every facet of your life especially in the places where you could use improvement. What are you financial goals for 2010? What are your health goals of 2010? What are your spiritual goals of 2010? What are your love life goals of 2010? Write them down, print them out and share them with everyone. As Robert Cialdini writes in Influence, we as people want to appear as committed and as consistent as possible. By sharing your goals with the world, you go the extra lengths to reach the finish line.
Love Your Body (by treating it right)
Learn a New Skill
Side Note: I highly recommend the book Masteryby George Leonard which breaks down the essentials for mastering anything you do in life.
Take Big Actions
Build Key Relationships
Hustle Hard, Play Hard
What’s up guys! So I was listening to some of Eben Pagan’s audio tapes this weekend and he brought up this really great point of creating some
form of content every single day. So what I’ve decided to do is to do a little blog every morning. This will be all free writing with an occasional edit as my ADD addled brain can get off on some pretty crazy tangents but here goes. Lately, I can’t help but feel there is one thing that separates the wheat from the chaff when it comes to success with women, money, and overall abundance.
This one thing isn’t hard to do. In fact, it’s relatively easy but for a lot of us, we can’t do it! What is it you ask? Taking some form of action. Putting your feet in motion and doing what it is you most you fear. You see that sexy blonde walking into Starbucks and really you only have two options; you can recede to the editorial in your head and say “I should go talk to her” or before you get a chance to think about the possible outcomes, you open your mouth and say “hello.” Now, how many times have you taken the latter route? How many times have you seen something or someone that made you want to take action but you receded to your mind instead? I know I’ve done it more than a few times. Hell, I even still do it now and again.
The power of your mind can dicate what you do and do not do! The good news is, there’s always an opportunity to take action every single day. You aren’t an eternal wussy. You aren’t any (insert self defeating noun). Those are only words your ego’s used to identify with. But they they sure as hell are not you. More so, you’re a product of habit. Your thinking, behavior, success and non-success is purely driven by the subtle day to day habits you engage in. That’s brilliant news. Because that means the more you approach women, the easier it will be to approach women.
The more you’re able to show a woman who you really are without putting on a self-censored, superficial cool, the more natural it will become to create an emotional connection. It’s all habit. Not a genetic trait. Not something you are eternally bound by or not. So, that being said, I’ve got one task for you today. I want you to approach at least three people today and simpy start a conversation with “hello.” If that’s all you say, that’s fine. But start today building the habit of action. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with that then! Until next time,
Cheers to the good life!
First off, thanks guys for writing into us for the last few months asking for this program. Now it’s here. We are offering 3 different packages to connect one-on-one via skype and email with an Attractology coach. These programs are very flexible and completely personalized.
Learn how to create relationships with women gracefully, without conforming to something that you are not. Find and bring out the Naturally attractive person in you and get the results you want!
We will initially be working with a limited number of clients and we are offering these packages at some amazing prices. I don’t anticipate the prices to stay this low knowing that our time is limited but we wanted to make sure everyone who has been emailing us about this program can afford it.
Confident posture is often overlooked but extremely important. Why is it important? Whether people are conscious of it or not in any social gathering they are constantly looking for clues (verbal and non-verbal) to analyze others around them. Walk into a restaurant or bar and it’s only natural to scan the room and see who is there and what they’re doing. We make judgements on people long before we even talk to them, it’s just how it works.
I think of my posture and how I hold myself physically as my ability to positively influence the people around me that are scanning the room. Watch the posture of celebrities or political figures with status and they all have good posture. Good posture means standing straight, tall, shoulders upright and aligned, head up looking straight ahead and the result is a confident, comfortable feel. Good posture does not involve flexing, strutting or having to be a tough guy.
SO, here’s my 2 Minute Posture Challenge
I challenge you to self-check your posture EVERY 2 minutes for half an hour the next time you go out. Posture is such an easy thing to do and then forget about because it requires consistent attention until it becomes habitual and I’ve found the most effective way to improve posture is by repetition. Here are some tips to keep in mind when self-checking:
- Keep feet slightly apart, about shoulder-width.
- Let arms hang naturally down the sides of the body.
- Be sure the head is square on top of the neck and spine, not pushed out forward
- Stand straight and tall, with shoulders upright.
- Keep the head up and eyes looking straight ahead. Avoid pushing your head forward.
- Keep shoulders properly aligned with the rest of the body.
I’ve been thinking about an interesting concept the last couple of weeks and it’s the barrier that stands between two people who have never met before. When around friends we’re all social, talkative and can cut loose but for one reason or another in the presence of a stranger, we close ourselves off. I can think of a couple reasons why we do this.
The first reason that comes to mind for me is distraction. During the day when we’re out we have things to do, a place to be and a time to be there by. Our daily missions and objectives come with heavy time constraints and rarely revolve around making friends or socializing. For example, we go to a grocery store to get groceries to make dinner or go to the gym to workout. We go to clothing store to buy clothes and all of this has to be done before 4pm! We are also heavily distracted by technology. Cell phones and mobile internet may be the greatest inventions of the 21st Century that can connect us in cyberspace, but they also draw us away from the ‘real world.’ A call here, a text there and an ever so often Facebook can chip hours away that could have been spent in the ‘real world’.
The second and most important reason for the separation of two strangers is trust. With so many lunatics, perverts and crazies out there it can be really hard to tell who’s a good guy and who’s a not so good guy. And seeing men have the physical edge, women have to be extra cautious. One place you can actively witness the weariness of females is in nightclubs and bars. The combination of alcohol, pent up horniness and dolled up women makes for a unique arena.
In bars and nightclubs there is usually a high density of guys who have the same intention; pick up a woman. So it should come as no surprise that women in these places get hit on A LOT! And every time a new guy approaches, his intentions become increasingly more visible and predictable and as a consequence, women are forced to be put up a wall that screens for any horny, houndish ‘guy’ behavior. When guys act like this there will be an immiedate disconnect between them and her, the creeper radar has been alerted and responds with the fastest, most efficient way of getting him to leave usually involving her being having to be rude for the guy to get the clue. Hey, she’s tried being nice and subtly showing disinterest before but that didn’t work. Finally she realized the only way to remove themselves from this uncomfortable situation was to say something blunt enough to get him to leave. The problem is this wall also screens out a lot of good guys with good intentions who just don’t know how to connect with a woman.
So how to connect and bring down the trust barrier. Knowing what you’ve just read, the answer should seem relatively simple. Be completely non-threatening. You have to NOT have an ulterior motive to pick her up. Firstly, this means recognizing the insignificance and natural process of sex. Sex is natural and with the right person can be pure bliss but it’s not the end all and be all of life. To pursue it as something greater than everything else is not only counterproductive in attracting women. Recognize this and you eliminate any need to get something from her.
The next thing that will help you lower the trust barrier is to assume everyone is already your friend and wants to meet you. Have a core intent to BE SOCIAL. We were designed to be social. By going out and simply talking to everyone you see, not as means to get something from them but just out of genuine curiosity, they will naturally be more receptive. And the only way I can really explain this is that when you have an underlying motivation or intention that is non needy, that isn’t trying to get something, people pick up on that energy and it naturally makes them more comfortable. They see it as it is, genuine sincerity and authenticity. And I really learned from a good friend who would NEVER ‘try’ to pick up women but would talk to just about every man and women in the club and never once get rejected or told to leave. And it was because of this idea of not having an ulterior motive, not having a need-laden intention that enabled instant trust with any person he came in contact with.
Additional random thoughts that didn’t make it into this post…
*-You might wonder why women put up with the bar and clubs in the first place? Why go out to these “meat markets?” And the answer is attention. When you’re going to these places and receiving a ton attention and compliments from people, it’s extremely validating. You feel sexy when you know other people think you’re sexy. And even though a women may not be interested in ‘hooking up’ or meeting any man that night, the attention will keep bringing her back.*
*Have you ever noticed that as soon as you become introduced to someone either by a friend or acquaintance, it becomes easy to have a friendly, casual conversation? It’s like that mutual contact, no matter what the relationship is, lowers that barrier to where the third party always feel comfortable talking to you. And really, this is how most couples meet; through mutual friends. But in meeting women, relying solely on who you know and who your friends know can be incredibly limiting.*
I’m fascinated with marketing and I feel lucky to be doing something I really enjoy. Lately I’ve been watching Eben Pagan’s (David DeAngelo) Get Altitude program for entrepreneurs.
I personally find a lot of parallels between the sales / marketing world and the attraction / seduction world.
As I watched one of the videos today something dawned on me. Eban brings up a study by a university that examined the factors of success by looking at the commonalities of top sales people. You can watch the video yourself but I’ll spoil it anyways. The number one commonality between all these successful salespeople was their speed of implementation. Speed of implementation is the time is takes between hearing about an idea to acting on an idea.
Researchers found that the most successful businesses and salespeople were regularly putting ideas into action immediately. Their speed of implementation was faster.
This mindset of implementing ideas faster in my own life feels somewhat counter-intuitive. The voice in my head says “lets think about this”, “lets weigh out pros and cons, make a list of benefits and side effects”, “let me run this idea past 2 or 3 of my friends to see what they say”. And then usually through deliberation and backwards rationalization the idea fizzles and never gets implemented.
What does this mean for creating attraction and meeting beautiful women?
A mindset focused on speed of implementation shoves a lot of the logic to the side – You know, the times when you are in your head and rationalizing with yourself that she probably has a boyfriend and you shouldn’t talk to her (or any other excuse). This is your mind coming up with a reason for not approaching or doing something that you know you really should be doing.
The mindset of implementing ideas faster is useful to overcome approach anxiety and encourage spontaneous behavior. Being spontaneous keeps life fresh and will have a lot of positive side effects. A good motto I like to say is “plan big and adapt”. The next time you are presented with an opportunity or an idea that can take you to the next level – even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone – take action!
I’m just finishing up Ayn Rand’s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don’t agree with all of her philosophy, it’s interesting nonetheless. Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.
A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.
He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.
Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454
Let’s hear your thoughts people! Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?