We are all searching for something. For everyone, it’s something different, but I think it can be boiled down to two things: fun and fulfillment. Let me explain. We live our lives searching for fun, to have fun times, fun experiences, just creating fun memories. Stories that will serve us for the rest of our lives. Anyway, as time goes by, I believe there is a shift in what we really seek out. Fun will always be a vital element, but pretty soon fulfillment is what we are really after. The challenge I face as a coach, is finding a healthy balance between the two. Some people I work with are tired of all the partying, and really want to ease into a nice long-term relationship that is more fulfilling. While others, may be getting out of a serious relationship and are striving to re-establish themselves in the dating scene and start having more fun in their life.
Ask yourself, what am I really looking for right now? You may think you’re searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but in reality because you’re looking so hard for that person, or waiting for them to come along, you’re missing the fun you can be having as a strong, single, independent person. Conversely, if you’ve been in that long-term relationship for awhile, and it’s becoming a little stale, it may be time for a little relationship rejuvenation. Time to spark up some fun and spontaneity.
Here is the good news, it’s possible to have both. AND you can start doing it and feeling it right now. Think about something that would make you feel alive. What is it? It doesn’t take much before that buzz, that vitality is something we need more and more of. Can you sustain it? Can you sustain it in your relationship? You have to be inspired and motivated, so find out what it is that inspires and motivates you. It’s different for everyone. Here’s an example, let’s say you’re deathly afraid to fly, and you have an international trip planned in 6 months, airfare and accommodations purchased. Well, instead of just being terrified that you’ll be flying soon, what if you used that fear to make sure you start living your life to the fullest until the time you have to climb aboard that flight? We seem to find a lot more urgency in our lives when there is a deadline, and for a lot of us we forget that there is always a huge deadline looming, but we forget because we don’t exactly know when our time is up.
I challenge you to do this: live in the now, be present. If you want fun right now, then go out and get all you need, and if you are really looking for that something that fulfills you more than you have now, figure out what that is and go after it. Because there really is a deadline in life, and we are hurling towards it faster than we would like to believe. The point is whatever you’re looking for, do it with urgency and with abandon. You’ll never feel more alive.
In recent years, I’ve found goal setting to be one of the most productive activities you can do for yourself. In my experience, rather than rattle off thirty things you think you want, start with a single word. What would you like to embody in 2010? What’s your 2010 theme? In terms of myself, I chose the word ‘give’ because I want to make this year about giving as much possible to the people who come into my life. From there, apply it to every facet of your life especially in the places where you could use improvement. What are you financial goals for 2010? What are your health goals of 2010? What are your spiritual goals of 2010? What are your love life goals of 2010? Write them down, print them out and share them with everyone. As Robert Cialdini writes in Influence, we as people want to appear as committed and as consistent as possible. By sharing your goals with the world, you go the extra lengths to reach the finish line.
Love Your Body (by treating it right)
Love your frigging body. That’s right, every wrinkle and roll, birth mark and receding hair line should be treated as your best friend. This sounds absurd I know, but only when you truly start to love your body do you actually take the time to nourish, restore, and take care of it. How you physically look and feel is up to you. It’s all decisions. What to put in your body, how often you work out, even how you hold yourself is controlled by your thinking. Yes, you should eat healthy! Yes, you should work out on a regular basis! But if the same patterns have been repeating themselves year after year, it’s time to change the way you look by first changing the way you think. In 2010, it’s time to love your body! If you got it flaunt it and if you don’t, flaunt that too.
Learn a New Skill
Whether it’s something you’ve carried on from 2009 or something new altogether, decide on something you’d like to delve into for the new year. New skills are essential for a balanced life and if you aren’t learning something, it becomes impossible to improve. I’m reminded of the time I shattered my leg in a soccer game, which left me bitter and immobilized for a good three weeks until I finally decided to pick up the guitar. Today, five years later, playing the guitar has become one of my most cherished pastimes. One of the perks of taking on a new skill is that it opens new doors and often takes you down a path you haven’t yet traveled. New friends, comies, tamunitlents and life callings can all emerge from taking on something new.
Side Note: I highly recommend the book Masteryby George Leonard which breaks down the essentials for mastering anything you do in life.
Take Big Actions
I can’t emphasize enough the importance of doing something big. Whether that be organizing a fundraiser for AIDS, traveling to Asia, skydiving, writing a book or even putting together a book club, do something that you know will test the boundaries of your comfort zone and ultimately make you a better person. This can vary from person to person and only you can know what your boundaries are. The best way to start this process is to put together a list of things you want to do before you die. Don’t be afraid to let your imagination go wild. Often times the craziest, most outlandish things can be accomplished when you make a commitment to go for it. I remember my first time traveling to Central America by myself thinking ‘what the hell am I doing?’ only to return a changed person with a new perspective on life (not to mention an endless obsession with traveling). Life is meant to be lived, so live it to the fullest.
Build Key Relationships
You become who you associate with for better or worse. A famous quote once said “eagles will soar with other eagles while chickens will scavenge the ground with other chickens for scraps.” Our habits, thoughts and emotional energies are highly susceptible to the influences of those around us. Hence the reason the rich (in material and spirit) hang out with the rich and the poor with the poor. If we’re to succeed in 2010, we need to to be around people who will challenge us, keep us accountable and ultimately make us smile. A good start is connecting up with people you admire or you aspire to be like. If you think they’re out of reach, think again. Almost everyone I’ve contacted who I assumed was too big time for me, was happy to connect with a like mind. The biggest challenge is picking up the phone and dialing. So if you’ve got fingers and a voice, start making key contacts in 2010.
Whether you follow a specific religion or you simply enjoy spending time out in nature it’s important to have purpose in your life and feel connected to the rest of the world. Studies show people who engage in some form of spiritual activity rate themselves as significantly happier and more fulfilled than those who are not. A common misconception is that you must be religious to be spiritual and this is completely false. Spirituality is a relationship between yourself and the rest of the world, religion is simply the backstory. Depending on what you’d like to accomplish and how you’d like to do it, there are endless ways to engage in spiritual ritual. As I cannot appeal to everyone I’ll simply suggest what I do; meditate for 15 minutes a day and reflect daily for what I’m thankful for. That’s it folks! Clearing the mind always shows you what’s important in life and allows you to act from a place of love and gratitude rather than bitterness and contempt.
Hustle Hard, Play Hard
Whatever you’re doing, doing it 110%. I know I sound like your high school gym coach but this is a biggie. Working hard and playing hard is nothing more than immersing all of yourself into what you’re doing in that particular moment. Where people often struggle is that gray area where they’re working but they’re thinking about what it would be like to be sipping Mai Tais on the beach. As a result there work ethic struggles. The opposite is common as well where someone who’s life has revolved around working, takes a vacation and can only think about what they need to get done when they work. This gray zone is never enjoyable because it is alway trying to escape what’s happening right now. Through obsessing about the future or dwelling over the past, it’s impossible to live fully. Fortunately, the cure is simple; engage yourself fully in whatever you’re doing whether it be grinding out this quarters financials or lounging in a hammock off the coast of Panama!
What’s up guys! So I was listening to some of Eben Pagan’s audio tapes this weekend and he brought up this really great point of creating some
form of content every single day. So what I’ve decided to do is to do a little blog every morning. This will be all free writing with an occasional edit as my ADD addled brain can get off on some pretty crazy tangents but here goes. Lately, I can’t help but feel there is one thing that separates the wheat from the chaff when it comes to success with women, money, and overall abundance.
This one thing isn’t hard to do. In fact, it’s relatively easy but for a lot of us, we can’t do it! What is it you ask? Taking some form of action. Putting your feet in motion and doing what it is you most you fear. You see that sexy blonde walking into Starbucks and really you only have two options; you can recede to the editorial in your head and say “I should go talk to her” or before you get a chance to think about the possible outcomes, you open your mouth and say “hello.” Now, how many times have you taken the latter route? How many times have you seen something or someone that made you want to take action but you receded to your mind instead? I know I’ve done it more than a few times. Hell, I even still do it now and again.
The power of your mind can dicate what you do and do not do! The good news is, there’s always an opportunity to take action every single day. You aren’t an eternal wussy. You aren’t any (insert self defeating noun). Those are only words your ego’s used to identify with. But they they sure as hell are not you. More so, you’re a product of habit. Your thinking, behavior, success and non-success is purely driven by the subtle day to day habits you engage in. That’s brilliant news. Because that means the more you approach women, the easier it will be to approach women.
The more you’re able to show a woman who you really are without putting on a self-censored, superficial cool, the more natural it will become to create an emotional connection. It’s all habit. Not a genetic trait. Not something you are eternally bound by or not. So, that being said, I’ve got one task for you today. I want you to approach at least three people today and simpy start a conversation with “hello.” If that’s all you say, that’s fine. But start today building the habit of action. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with that then! Until next time,