So I was recently asked the question on how to properly receive a kiss without being overwhelmed with the other persons wandering tongue. She said: Whenever I kiss someone, somehow I always end up with their tongue in my mouth, even if that’s not what I had originally thought was going to happen. They never force it in, which makes me think that I’ve been just going in and opening my mouth for them without even realizing it, even for a first kiss. I’d like to try having a kiss without the tongue, especially for a first kiss, and make things a little more sensual and a little less slobbery.
This young woman is one of several women who have been victims of what I call a “mouth raping.” She poses an important question regarding kissing, and that is: how much, is too much… tongue? And more importantly, how do I avoid it? More men and women are skipping the foreplay and getting right to business and I mean this both literally and figuratively; we live in a society that breeds instant gratification and neglects one of the most fundamental areas of sexual chemistry and connection: and that is patience. When the sexual tension builds, and builds, and builds until you both find yourself giving into the moment and going in for the kiss with all guns blazing you leave yourself wide open for a full blown tongue molestation. So how do you avoid it?
Before you go in for the smooch, you can pop on Lionel Richie’s ’Don’t You Ever Go Away’ or you can read the following:
When you feel like this kind of passion is boiling up, when the tea kettle is starting to scream, then SLOW DOWN. Take the energy between you and make it a romantic energy. If you can go in for the kiss slow, gentle, and controlled then the kiss is more likely to be similar. A great way to do this is to stare into his/her eyes for a few seconds, put one of your hands on the back of their neck, and take a few more seconds and drag this sexual tension out. (This is what I call the DRAG OUT PHASE). You let them know that you want to kiss them (you can do this by looking at their lips) but you also let them know that it’s going to happen on your time. This is where you can really set the tone and let them know that you are in CONTROL. Because when they do go in for the kiss, you can do what I call the BACK OFF PHASE. This is when you get so close to kissing them that there is no room for words between each of your lips; you linger here at this distance for a moment. The distance is key here, because it’s close enough to where they know you’re thinking about kissing them but you’re not, and that’s when you BACK OFF playfully with a smile. You can do this a few times, each time, slowing it down even more! It makes that passionate sexual energy (physical attraction) transform into a deeper connection (emotional attraction): one where comfort is developed through respecting your control and your ability to be playful and intimate at the same time. By the time you kiss, their following your lead and loving every second of it.
In life, everything is that much better when we have to work for it. So why not make the first kiss something that they have to work for!
Every good kiss has a feeling behind it. Whether that’s a sexually driven one, a kind one, a sad one, a passionate one, or a tender one, a great kiss should make you feel differently after having done it. Often time I’ll hear various philosophies about how a kiss can elevate you and your partner’s energies to another realm; regardless, we can come to an agreement that a great kiss is one that leaves you feeling connected to your partner on more than just a physical mouth to mouth level.
Our intent certainly plays itself out in the way that we kiss. So, if you want to reach those higher realms, to create a connection beyond the physical, then it’s important to embody a TENDER feeling behind your kiss. This means that you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the moment that the two of you are in, to trust it, and feel comfort that they’re going to kiss you in the same way that you’re kissing them. If you can embody TENDERNESS then it’s truly a fascinating thing how powerfully and naturally receptive your partner will be to this energy. Good kissers, will pick up on it and reciprocate it, and connect with you on that superior level.
If you’re familiar with Richie’s music then you would know that he said these words three stanzas down:
“Kiss, when it’s SLOW with TENDERNESS…”
Either Lionel Richie has kissed some ‘mouth rapists’ or he’s just way ahead of the kissing game, either way, if you’re tongue happy or keep getting tongue happy partners, then I hope you enjoy our advice. Go out and kiss to your hearts desire!
To Your Success,