Many times individuals get so immersed into their daily routine of waking up, going to work or school, coming home, watching television and going to bed only to continue that same routine for the next five days that they often start neglecting their social lives and become robots to the daily grind of life.
Fortunately for us here at Attractology, we understand the importance of having a social life and how valuable it can be not only for a fun time but also for the wellness and happiness of an individual.
This week we would like to spend some time discussing five different ways how we can expand our social lives by meeting new interesting people and at the same time, increasing our own value in life.
Before we go explore these five avenues of expanding our social circle, it is important that we do not ignore a common feeling that may arise for some of us. In our efforts to meet new people, it may be uncomfortable in the beginning but you need to believe in yourself and never doubt yourself for one second. The only way to expand your social life is to start making an effort to put yourself out there. Remember to never doubt yourself.
Five Ways to Expand Your Social Circle
Sports Leagues
Joining a sports league in your area is a great way to meet people who have similiar interests as you and also a great way to stay in shape. Often times going to the gym can become repetitive and boring so why not mix it up and participate in another physical workout activity (such as soccer, football, baseball) which also involves interacting with other individuals.
If you do not know where to start, one good place is a website called Sportsvite -(http://sportsvite.com/) which allows you to find different leagues in your area or even start up your own. Another great resource is a local newspaper which can be found at any supermarket, newspaper stand or coffee shop.
Join a Music School
Signing up to learn an instrument at a local music school is an amazing way to add value into your life and also meet new people. There is an assumption made throughout the public that music schools only have one on one teaching (Student with Teacher) but there are many schools which offer group classes where there are anywhere from 3-10 students per class and is often much cheaper too. You may be surprised on how fun it can be and making music with others is a unique and special way to form a bond with individuals.
One great resource to find a music school in your area is AboutMusicSchool -(www.aboutmusicschools.com/), which supplies you with all the basic information you need to know about choosing an instrument, which music school to go too and also where to find them.
Participating at Local Charity Events
One of the best ways to meet great people and also give back to the community is to start participating in charity events in your city or surrounding cities; and since charity events tend to be a group of people working together to serve one cause, it should be no problem interacting with people! Not only will you walk away feeling like a better person, you will also have met many amazing individuals in your community who do not isolate themselves.
If you are unsure what’s happening in your area then simply pick up a local newspaper or get on the internet and type “Charity Events in (Your City)”. Also feel free to check out a site called Charity Happenings (www.CharityHappenings.org) which gives a listing of a variety of charity nonprofits across the United States.
Classes at a Community College
Signing up for any classes that interests you at a community college is often one of the best ways to meet people that often gets overlooked. A majority of the friends we’ve met throughout our lives we’ve either met in school or at our jobs so why not go back to one of the main sources of meeting people and enroll in a class at a local college.
Learning a new language, taking a class on 18th century art, enrolling in a yoga class, or getting your masters is an instant way to add value into your life and also put yourself out there to expand your social circle.
The great things about community colleges are that they are easy to enroll in, very affordable and a great way to make classmates into good friends. Community colleges can be found in every city so ask around and take a trip to your local college to register for a class!
Networking/Mixer Events
Going to “networking mixer” event in your area can be a great way to get a hybrid of your professional life tied into your social life. A majority of events have cocktails, appetizers and tables set up where individuals can mix and mingle in a professional environment and is perfect if you want to get away from the nightlife scene.
A majority of the people at these types of events will be professionals from your area who are looking to network with others so the opportunity to met new people couldn’t be higher – People are there specially to meet you!
Check out sites such as Networkingeventfinders.com, Netparty.com, or meetup.com to get an invite to your next networking event, don’t miss out!
Once you start involving yourself in extra-circular activities, you will start meeting people and then after your soccer game, guitar class or art history class, you and your new colleagues can all go get a few drinks at a local bar, get to know each other on a more personal level and really start to expand your social circle.
Another suggestion is to throw a BBQ for your newly found friends with a themed party where: “everyone has to bring someone else from the opposite sex” or something fun like that.
The goal is for you to be an individual who knows a lot of people and is always willing to put yourself out there. Make it a point to be social everywhere you go.
If you are at the market – talk to the casher; if you are going for a walk around the block – say “Hi” to everyone that passes you by.
Point is – Be Social!
Being Social = an expanded social circle
So don’t waste a single second, go online, get a local newspaper, get out there and see what activities you are going on in your area…now is the time! Once you have some extra-circular activities going on in your life where you can expand your social circle, then you will be ready for the next steps…
Much Respect Forever &Whenever…
Neel
Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!
Flirt with the right body language
Flirt by being playful
Flirt with the tease
Flirt with the ‘wrong response’
Flirt with misinterpretation
Flirt with touch
One of the biggest problems guys face when communicating with women is running out of things to say and letting the conversation lull to where there’s that awkward ‘ummmmm….sooo’. At this point, the most comfortable thing to do tuck tail, politely excuse yourself and basically cut off a potentially fruitful relationship. This happens incredibly often yet is completely unnecessary when interacting with a woman. If you want to be able to attract anywhere, you have to have the ability to create a natural, engaging conversation between yourself and a woman.
The first thing that needs to be recognized is that as a person who’s initiating a conversation, you need to be able to lead and move the interaction forward. Even though this won’t always be the case you should always be prepared to give about 80% and expect around 20% in this first few minutes. Eventually this should move to 50/50 but occasionally you’ll find people who take time to warm up to strangers. Having that ability to simply talk about anything will reduce the chances of an awkward silence. And though this is such a simple concept, a lot of guys really struggle with this when it comes to speaking with women. In fact, one of the biggest complaints I hear from men is that they run out of things to talk about. This is literally impossible. You have decades of experience to draw on and relate to. You should be able to talk for days. So the excuse “I ran out of things to say’ is purely myth. There should be a million things you can talk about.
However, there are some things to enable a conversation to go more smoothly.
Whenever I’m helping someone with this, the first thing that I attune them to is their environment and how to take advantage of the present moment. When people run out of things to say it’s usually because their stuck in their head either monitoring their own behavior or trying too hard to think of something ‘interesting’ to say rather than just letting whatever comes out, come out.
You have to remove that filter and when you attune to your environment and see what’s going on around you, you get out of your head and it’s so much easier to create verbal flow. ”Ooh that’s an interesting necklace, what’s the story behind that?’ And so on. You will also come to find is that when you’re in sync with what’s going on around you, you get a thousand and one conversational cues from the environment. There are so many things happening around us that we neglect to pay attention to unless we’re completely present. So if you’re one of those guys who is always running out of things to say, get out of your head and attune to your senses and the environment around you.
Another key pointer for enabling an engaging conversation is to use statements over questions.
The great thing about statements is that you can throw them out and people can respond but aren’t required to. In improv theater this is called an offer because it allows another person to accept it and work off of it rather than force a narrow, limited response a question requires. With just asking questions, there’s a lack of fluidity, pizzazz and women find it down right boring. Maybe you’ve been in the position where you don’t know what to say so you go straight for the -what do you do? -Where are you from? boring interview conversation. Attractive woman have had this conversation a million and one times with guys and can’t stand it. Just realize that any question can be rephrased into a statement. ‘Where do you work” can be usually get answered by ‘I had the craziest day at work today’ and going from there. By talking about something in your life, it always gives cues for her to relate to and build off of.
This flows right into the next thing I want to cover and that’s relating through stories.
I’d say around 90% of conversation is storytelling in some form. We are constantly relating to one another through our personal experiences. Now people always assume stories have to be these long drawn out, intriguing tales that changed the course of life in some way but most stories aren’t really like this. Yes, some stories and life experiences have changed us and we can talk about those but a good majority of our story telling is going to be little mini stories that were either reminded to us by something someone said or a cue in the environment. An example of a short little story might be ”wow you know I was riding the bus the other day and this strange man looked at me like he recognized me, walked up and said ‘don’t do it man!’ I was so weirded out.” It can be that short.
An exercise I often teach and do myself before I go out in an any social environment is to point to a random object and find a way to relate that object to my life. I’ll do this with a variety of random objects to the point where anything in the environment becomes a cue for a conversational lead in. And this is great not only preparing to talk to women but also to any other social interaction that may take place. Because the more you can relate to your environment, the more there she’ll be able to relate to as well. The more offers you give, the easier it will be for her to accept and build off of.
A question I am asked a lot is “How can I tell when a girl is interested in me?”. Sure, answers like “when you sense it” or “when you two have a connection” are vague and simple enough to appease most people, but lets break it down a little further.
First off, a good frame of mind is to assume she is always interested you. Not in a way that you are crossing boundaries or laying all your cards on the table, but having a confident mindset will work in your favor.
Physical Signs & Actions That She Might Be Interested
- She touches you
- She whispers something
- She tilts her head playfully
- She plays with her hair
- She laughs at your jokes
- She holds eye contact
- She asks you questions
- She is generally just more open to conversation
What to do when you get these signs?
Keep the conversation going; listen and respond to her. Mastering kino touch is essential. Know the difference between a sexual guy (good) and a horny guy (bad). A sexual guy isn’t afraid to talk about a sexual topic or make a joke – he calls an spade a spade – while a horny guy is needy of sex and actions are driven because of it. By having a good time, incorporating touch and giving her subtle signs you are interested too you will find yourself taking things further, more often.
I went out tonight with some friends, 4 of us to be exact, all fellas to take a look at a new club Glow that was opening in the heart of our downtown. The scene was good, my friends consider me someone who is focused on work 75% of the time, and as a guy with a girlfriend I enjoy the networking aspect of going out. I’m involved with a number of projects locally and online so lately my inspiration for going out has been to meet other business people, the money makers of our city.
I live in Bellingham WA, which according to Google has a population of 67,000, so it’s nothing like the space needle city to the south because everyone here knows someone else and their friend. Anyways I consider the guys I went out with to be true friends like Briddick, co-creator of Attractology, whom I spend a lot of time diving into the ideas of social dynamics with.
So here’s what happened. As two of my guy friends are having great conversations with two separate women the other guys I am with begin to criticize them. Isn’t that how it always works? Criticize the people who are putting themselves out there and taking a risk?
The first thought that crosses my mind INSTEAD of criticism is: ”What can I do to help them succeed?”
This is a very important question to ask because someone who is comfortable helping someone else is comfortable in themselves. I’ll state that again, helping others succeed will ONLY happen when someone is comfortable with who they are. Women know this. My reaction was to walk directly up to one of my friends, let him introduce me and then continue conversation with the group naturally. Then when there was a break in the conversation I brought up how good of a guy my friend is, gave him an accomplishment intro and some social proof and stepped away.
That was all it took. Are you comfortable enough to HELP your friends out?
It easy when first getting into this to read everything there is to read. That’s what I did when I began, it started with Neil Strauss’ The Game and lead to an interest in David DeAngelo, posts on Fast Seduction and now have I accumulated material from most other Guru’s; some of which has been useful information.
Side note:
We’ve been compiling some guru interviews to share but that’s for another post.
See, I approached learning about attraction with a fairly solid belief system intact but also an open mind willing to learn from experience. I feel both of these were critical for success. Sometimes what I was reading would challenge my belief system and when this would happen I would have three options.
- Instantly accept what I was reading over my own belief system
- Instantly accept my own belief over what I was reading
- Go out with an educated open mind and learn from the experience
I continue to chose number three.
Bluntly put, guys that don’t succeed are either too gullible or too stubborn to go out and challenge their belief system with the experience necessary to progress. Success will come from the combination of learning AND going out and being social, networking and leading a dynamic life.
To improve you must understand that progression will happen by reading but also doing. Here’s how. Read enough material to understand and challenge some of your ideas and beliefs without getting overwhelmed. Go out and practice making note of what gets good results, and then when you hit a sticking point come back and figure out what you can do to improve next time WITHOUT dwelling on the negative. Mastery in any subject is a series of plateaus, persistence is essential.
That’s it for now, but as we move into 2009 no time is better to set some expectations and real goals. Here are some goal setting tips I was just reviewing for myself, I find it valuable to set both personal and career related goals.
- Determine what you want to achieve
- Put the goal in writing
- Set a time deadline for the attainment of the goal
- Develop a plan and work the plan
- Visualize a successful result
- Maintain a positive attitude
- Measure your progress and make adjustments, where needed
- Persist until you reach your goal
