Men:

The bottom line is this: rejection, like confrontation is hard. No one wants to hurt another’s feelings.

No one wants to blatantly say, “I’m just not that into you.” We prefer to speak with our actions. (After

all, aren’t they louder than words?)

So you’ve gone out to a high class lounge for the evening with a group of good buddies. Midway through the evening you started talking to a beautiful woman and were successfully able to captivate her interest and and then ultimately get her number!

All the years spent on learning the fundamentals of attraction are finally paying off and the format you’ve been following is finally clicking! Hooorah!

But now what?!

That is a question that many men ask once they have successfully gone through the initial steps.

This week we will be exploring some simple tips and tricks you can use when making that first phone call with a girl and once that has been fully internalized, then we will take it step further and elaborate on how to set up a date with her in next weeks newsletter.

We here at Attractology firmly believe that it is a good idea to call a girl within two days of initially meeting her. Many men have the common belief (possibly from the movie Swingers) that you should wait six-seven days before calling a girl but that simply is too long to wait. You want the girl to remember you while it is still fresh in her mind and also keep the ball rolling before it loses momentum so it is highly recommended that you call that special girl within two days of meeting her.

Yes, there may be a little nervousness/anxiety when making that first call, but you need to consistently remind yourself that you are an Alpha-Male, the leader of men and know how to keep a conversation going with anyone.

So what do you do?

Your main objective during the initial phone conversation should be to build additional comfort and trust so you can eventually invite her to meet face to face on a date.

One tip that you may want to consider doing is writing out a list of topics you may potentially want to discuss and using the list as a guideline throughout your conversation. Nothing is worse than having an awkward pause for a few seconds/minutes where no one knows what to say. I don’t recommend relying on this technique all the time but just temporarily until you get more comfortable carrying a conversation effortlessly.

Another thing to keep in mind is not to spend hours on the phone with a girl, that’s what her girlfriends are for! Plus if you’re going to speak, why not just do it in person?

A guideline you may consider following in the beginning is a simple format as this:

1) Fun/Teasing Introduction – “Hey Lil Miss Vino! This is that real awesome guy you met at “X” lounge last night!“ (Something you teased her about when you first met her or something you remember about her which made her unique)

2) Ask what she is doing and tease her again on it (if possible). A simple example could be: “oh your cooking!! Sure you don’t have a BOTTLE of wine next to you as well“ or something playful like that.

3) Ask “what you been up too?” or “how’s your day going? Anything interesting happen?!?! Intrigue me with a fun story!” – Challenge her, stimulate her mind, and make her think by asking for an “intriguing story/event” throughout her day. Yes you can def. ask “what you been up too? Or “how’s your day going” but also take it a step further and ask her to tell you something unique about her day.

If she has nothing unique to tell you, then playfully tease her and say: “You need to start spending more time with me! I always have unique interesting events that happen throughout the day…for example, just today I was at………….” and go into a story about something interesting that happened to you that day.

4) Hopefully she asks you how your day was (which they usually do). When she does, you should spend a few minutes elaborating on her question and try going into a story/conversation that demonstrates value for yourself.

For example:

“Oh my day was good…busy at work but during lunch I want to the most amazing sandwich place and the owner was kind enough to give me a free desert because he said he liked my vibe. Hahhaha random but hey..can’t refuse to free food =)”

Or

“My day was amazing! Woke up and went for a nice walk with my dog, had a very productive day at work and went to this new sandwich place with a friend and in the evening got my kickboxing class in and relaxed when I got home with a glass of wine and my guitar”

5) Whatever story you go into, try somehow incorporating her into it, disqualifying her (if possible) during the story and later try to make her qualify herself to you. Not as much as you would do in person but just a small little disqualification could be thrown in there.

6) Find out what her plans are for the rest of the day/week and end the conversation by saying “well hey…maybe we can hit up that sandwich place later this week if it works with both of our schedules. I need to run right now because I’m going to help my friend move out of her apartment (gives yourself value) but lets def. touch base later on this week!” – ALWAYS try making it a point to end the conversation before she does. It shows that YOU have stuff to do and that your time is very valuable.

When you end the conversation, you now have an “open loop” or another reason to touch bases with her again (the sandwich place) later on in the week. We will go into further depth about “seeding” in the following weeks but you have essentially “seeded” an event for the future with her.

The format mentioned above is only a basic guideline to follow when you are first starting to have phone conversations with women. You will notice that the more you begin to talk to women on the phone, the more comfortable you will become on carrying conversations until it finally becomes internalized in you and becomes second nature.

There may be anxiety at first but the only way to succeed and take steps forward is to put yourself out there and do it. Always remember: NEVER doubt yourself.

Until Next Time….

Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’  and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.

This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.

Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.

So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.

Theory behind the EDR Technique:

The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.

With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.

The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.

Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.

Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:

Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.

Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.

You want to use something more simple and direct such as:

“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.

Or

“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.

Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:

“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.

While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.

Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:

“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.

Or

“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.

From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.

Benefits of The EDR Technique:

Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:

1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.

2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.

3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.

4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.

5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.

Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!

Until Next Time….

Often times the main fear and obstacle that men face when approaching and interacting with women is the thought that she knows that he is “hitting on her and trying to get some just like every other guy that passes her by throughout the day. This isn’t true of course, it’s simply what we men often think.

As Social Artists, YES we do want to show interest to a woman (if she qualifies herself and meets our standards) but at the same time, we don’t want to come off like every other guy who creepily persists until he scares her off.

As good as it sounds that women like a man who is loving, caring, affectionate, and gives her attention; the reality of it is that too much of anything in the beginning can be a major turnoff.

So how do we do this? How do we learn to develop a bond with a quality lady and at the same time not give off the ‘He’s hitting on me vibe”? In the following article, we will be breaking down the fundamentals of the initial interaction with a women and how not to give off the “player vibe” during your interaction.

Opening: When you first approach a woman who interests you and a conversation is started, it’s first a good idea to use a False Time Constraint which is simply saying  you can only “Stay there for a second because you have to get back to your friends”. The reason for this False Time Constraint is because when a stranger approaches you, the first few thoughts that run across your mind are:

1) Who is this person?

2) What does he/she wants?

3) How long are they going to be taking up my time?

So by immediately stating that you will only be there for a few seconds/minutes, they will be more willing to talk to you knowing you’ve got somewhere else to go and will only be hanging around for a moment. It’s comforting to know someone will leave before it’s taken place. While most guys will hover  like stars orbiting a planet, you will be the only one who is willing to walk away before she does.

I’ve also developed a technique called the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique (EDR Technique) which  allows you to develop a conversation with a woman without them thinking you are hitting on them. We will be elaborating more on this EDR Technique in next week’s newsletter but for now let us focus on what to do once you’ve started the conversation.

Disqualification: Once you’ve started talking to her, consider false disqualifying her  via dropping hints you aren’t hitting on her. By doing this you are sub communicating she isn’t your type which again implies: I am not hitting on you.

Two simple and effective disqualifiers you can use are:

“Oh my god!! No Way!! You like (Something she states she likes) too!! I can tell already, you and I would never get along; we simply have too much in common!”

or

“ohh my god.  I love you.  You’re going to be my new little sister!”

It shows that she is off your “potential mate list” but at the same time, you’re giving value and making yourself a challenge.

It’s all in the sub-communication. While a majority of guys will continue to show interest in a girl, by not hitting on her, you are actually disqualifying yourself and making her qualify/prove herself to you. You are showing her that you have standards for yourself and just because a girl looks beautiful, doesn’t mean she can have you. You should go into every interaction knowing that you are a valued commodity, not to be sold just on physical beauty.

Body Language: While you are interacting with a woman who has drawn your attention, it is very important to watch your body language. Communication is 93% non-verbal which is further evidence you should put a huge emphasis on eye contact, voice tonality, stance/posture and other forms of body language.

The number one thing to remember when communicating with an individual is to look at them directly in the eyes when talking to them. The average rate of consistent eye contact with another individual should last anywhere from 4-9 seconds before blinking or briefly glancing away before reconnecting eye contact. Do not give off the stalker, fixed eye stare and certainly do not stare anywhere under her neck. But don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a bit longer than normal.

Another important component of body language which should be recognized when communicated with an individual is the amount of space you give them. It is recommended to stand anywhere from 10-12 inches away from a person when talking to them; it is close enough where an individual can hear you clearly and far enough where they do not feel you are intruding in their “bubble”.

Most women can sense a man is hitting on them by the way they are immediately so close up to them attempting to whisper in their ear and so forth; although all that is nice, it will happen in time, everything happens in steps.

Being Social: The most important piece of information that can be given with regards to not giving off the “I’m hitting on you” vibe is to not approach her to hit on her! Rather approach her with the mindset that you are just a very social individual that wants to met new and interesting people.

A great way to ensure that you are not hitting on her and are just being social is to interact with everyone at the venue – guys, girls, bartenders, security guards, grandparents, children, teachers, waiters, and so forth – not only the women.

By being friendly and interacting with everyone, it gets you in a social mode which people will take notice. Then when you do approach a lady, rather then thinking you are “hitting on her”, she will simply believe you are being friendly and the doors will be wide open for you to get to know her. In fact, she will be looking forward to the opportunity to get to know you.

Remember…being unique and differentiating yourself from others is what will make you stand out from the pack; keep these suggestions in mind next time you are interacting with a quality woman who captures your interest and she will quickly realize you are not like every other guy who approaches her.

Until Next Time…

Many times individuals get so immersed into their daily routine of waking up, going to work or school, coming home, watching television and going to bed only to continue that same routine for the next five days that they often start neglecting their social lives and become robots to the daily grind of life.

Fortunately for us here at Attractology, we understand the importance of having a social life and how valuable it can be not only for a fun time but also for the wellness and happiness of an individual.

This week we would like to spend some time discussing five different ways how we can expand our social lives by meeting new interesting people and at the same time, increasing our own value in life.

Before we go explore these five avenues of expanding our social circle, it is important that we do not ignore a common feeling that may arise for some of us. In our efforts to meet new people, it may be uncomfortable in the beginning but you need to believe in yourself and never doubt yourself for one second. The only way to expand your social life is to start making an effort to put yourself out there. Remember to never doubt yourself.

Five Ways to Expand Your Social Circle

Sports Leagues

Joining a sports league in your area is a great way to meet people who have similiar interests as you and also a great way to stay in shape. Often times going to the gym can become repetitive and boring so why not mix it up and participate in another physical workout activity (such as soccer, football, baseball) which also involves interacting with other individuals.

If you do not know where to start, one good place is a website called Sportsvite -(http://sportsvite.com/) which allows you to find different leagues in your area or even start up your own. Another great resource is a local newspaper which can be found at any supermarket, newspaper stand or coffee shop.

Join a Music School

Signing up to learn an instrument at a local music school is an amazing way to add value into your life and also meet new people. There is an assumption made throughout the public that music schools only have one on one teaching (Student with Teacher) but there are many schools which offer group classes where there are anywhere from 3-10 students per class and is often much cheaper too. You may be surprised on how fun it can be and making music with others is a unique and special way to form a bond with individuals.

One great resource to find a music school in your area is AboutMusicSchool -(www.aboutmusicschools.com/), which supplies you with all the basic information you need to know about choosing an instrument, which music school to go too and also where to find them.

Participating at Local Charity Events

One of the best ways to meet great people and also give back to the community is to start participating in charity events in your city or surrounding cities; and since charity events tend to be a group of people working together to serve one cause, it should be no problem interacting with people! Not only will you walk away feeling like a better person, you will also have met many amazing individuals in your community who do not isolate themselves.

If you are unsure what’s happening in your area then simply pick up a local newspaper or get on the internet and type “Charity Events in (Your City)”. Also feel free to check out a site called Charity Happenings (www.CharityHappenings.org) which gives a listing of a variety of charity nonprofits across the United States.

Classes at a Community College

Signing up for any classes that interests you at a community college is often one of the best ways to meet people that often gets overlooked. A majority of the friends we’ve met throughout our lives we’ve either met in school or at our jobs so why not go back to one of the main sources of meeting people and enroll in a class at a local college.
Learning a new language, taking a class on 18th century art, enrolling in a yoga class, or getting your masters is an instant way to add value into your life and also put yourself out there to expand your social circle.

The great things about community colleges are that they are easy to enroll in, very affordable and a great way to make classmates into good friends. Community colleges can be found in every city so ask around and take a trip to your local college to register for a class!

Networking/Mixer Events

Going to “networking mixer” event in your area can be a great way to get a hybrid of your professional life tied into your social life. A majority of events have cocktails, appetizers and tables set up where individuals can mix and mingle in a professional environment and is perfect if you want to get away from the nightlife scene.
A majority of the people at these types of events will be professionals from your area who are looking to network with others so the opportunity to met new people couldn’t be higher – People are there specially to meet you!

Check out sites such as Networkingeventfinders.com, Netparty.com, or meetup.com to get an invite to your next networking event, don’t miss out!

Once you start involving yourself in extra-circular activities, you will start meeting people and then after your soccer game, guitar class or art history class, you and your new colleagues can all go get a few drinks at a local bar, get to know each other on a more personal level and really start to expand your social circle.

Another suggestion is to throw a BBQ for your newly found friends with a themed party where: “everyone has to bring someone else from the opposite sex” or something fun like that.

The goal is for you to be an individual who knows a lot of people and is always willing to put yourself out there. Make it a point to be social everywhere you go.

If you are at the market – talk to the casher; if you are going for a walk around the block – say “Hi” to everyone that passes you by.

Point is – Be Social!

Being Social = an expanded social circle

So don’t waste a single second, go online, get a local newspaper, get out there and see what activities you are going on in your area…now is the time! Once you have some extra-circular activities going on in your life where you can expand your social circle, then you will be ready for the next steps…

Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!

Flirt with the right body language

Flirt by being playful

Flirt with the tease

Flirt with the ‘wrong response’

Flirt with misinterpretation

Flirt with touch