A question I get from a lot of people is “so do you just teach guys how to pick up women?”  and always I answer plainly and honestly: NO.  See, being an attractive person is so much more than just men picking up women or women picking up men.  An attractive person is someone who welcomes abundance into their life and as a byproduct of that comes more enriching relationships, more financial success and anything else that makes your life good. And it’s funny because when I first started studying this stuff a few years back I thought that meeting women and having ‘intimate’  relationships was the answer to everything.  And once I got those things on a consistent basis, I recognized that alone picking up a woman can be very empty, shallow and unfulfilling.  And the more I tried to convince myself that of the opposite, the more I was left unsatisfied.  Now, I still enjoy intimacy and relationships but the way I look at it is very different than I once did.  

Love the Moment

Be a Giver

Along the same lines as loving the moment, an attractive person is also a giver.  When you love yourself, you are at ease with the moment and your relationship to the world, you naturally give to others in all types of forms.  It can be a compliment, a favor or even just a smile but whatever it is, your core motivation always dwells in a place of non-neediness.  In other words, you give selflessly without expecting anything in return.  And there’s a huge distinction because a lot of people give but inside expect to get the world back.  They are playing for a transaction rather than a gift.  A great example is a guy who takes a women out on an extravagant date, pays for everything, showers her with compliments yet on a deeper level he’s doing it because he wants her to like him.  This is possibly the most common mistake ‘nice guys’  make yet it’s never their niceness that’s the problem, it’s the neediness.   Woman can smell it a mile away and it stinks. However when you give selflessly, not expecting anything back, the world always manifests a way to repay you whether that payment is intrinsic or not. So be that guy who gives value to people without expecting to get anything back. 

Be Active

If you haven’t read part 1 click here

MASON FACTO numero tres

Our world, from indigenous tribes in Africa, to the booming lights and corners of New York City and Japan, share a common belief about masculinity and femininity for children growing up.  We share the belief that boys should do boy things like hunt, fish, play sports, play with toy trucks and trains, and that girls should do girl things, like playing with dolls, makeup, playing house, toiling over the relationship between Barbie and Ken, playing out scenarios of being a princess,  or having prince charming come sweep them off of their feet.  We dress our boys in blues and blacks, and our girls in pinks and yellows.  And though this isn’t the case for every girl and boy, the psychological development for women is such that they are more emotionally adept when it comes to love and relationships.  Simply put, women have been thinking about this ‘love’ game for a lot longer than the typical male and the world we live in reinforces this emotional development.

‘The Smotherer’ doesn’t recognize this, and shows his discomfort in becoming vulnerable.  He demonstrates this by being overly possessive, worrying about every little thing that the woman does.  If she goes out with her friends, he’s worried about who she’s with and who she talked to or danced with.  If she doesn’t call him back at exactly the time that she said she would, he freaks out and calls her, asking in a crazed panic “Is everything OK? I thought maybe you were hurt.  You didn’t call me ten minutes ago like you said and I got scared.”  If she spoke spanish she would probably say to herself “senor es muy loco! Adios chico.”  ‘The Smotherer’ checks her Facebook and gets worried when other men write on her wall or are tagged in pictures next to her.  He makes the woman feel like she has to walk a tight rope, a rope that is one inch thick, stretched for miles across two high towers, and the more that she has to balance, the quicker she’s going to jump off, leave, or fall.

MY ADVICE

When you find yourself feeling jealous, or worried that the woman you like is doing things behind your back, take a deep breath, relax, and tell yourself “everything is going to be fine, these feelings are not helping me, I’m going to let them pass and not affect my mood, or my interactions with her or anyone else.”  What she does is out of your control, and out of respect for her, have a little faith, even if it’s at first blind.

‘The Persistent Guy’ trusts that there is a reason for the woman he likes to do whatever it is that she does.  If she wants to spontaneously elope to Cabo San Lucas for a week, then he doesn’t get worried or put too much thought into the motivation for doing so.  He says, “take some pictures at El Squidroe for me doing the Cha Cha.”  If she doesn’t call when she says she will, then he doesn’t get upset with her, but when they do hang out again, he makes a point to tell her that being flaky is not an attractive quality.  He has standards, but these standards run parallel with his understanding of a woman’s need for independence.  He doesn’t play games and flake out back to spite her.

Becoming Vulnerable

‘The Persistent Guy’ realizes that becoming vulnerable will happen naturally, and his persistence is done in pursuing the moments and opportunities for vulnerability and connection to occur.  He pursues a woman without overwhelming her, paying close attention to how much space she needs while recognizing that too much space will give her the opportunity to be with somebody else.  Attractive women get hit on every day, and because of this, she will meet men who actually do know what they’re doing (even though a majority are clueless).  This is where the persistence pays off, because it’s given him time to establish a connection beyond the bar; ‘The Persistent Guy’ separates himself by creating more opportunities to experience a natural connection, so when she does get approached by somebody who knows what he’s doing, it won’t matter.

Learn to Swim

We can relate this to learning how to swim.  The best way to learn how to swim, is to dip your feet in the water, familiarize yourself with the new sensual feeling of being wet and weightless, and as you become more comfortable with the water, you can slowly move deeper and deeper, until finally you can lift up your feet and swim.  Conversely, if you jump into the deep end of a pool and start to drown, something ‘The Smotherer’ might do, then chances are that it will take you much more time to learn how to swim afterward; scared that you may be in harms way the next time you get in the water.  Allowing yourself to be vulnerable works the same way, so be careful with who you let your guard down with, but also be open to the idea and let it happen.

If you’re falling for somebody, and part of you feels like all odds are against you, try not to make any serious or long term decisions.  Instead, be careful and patient.  Take it slow when you decide to open up with somebody, and try your best to just let things take their natural course.

MASON FACTO numero cuatro

It is a natural phenomena for both men and women to come on STRONGER when the person they love begins to back off.  Backing off is a way of saying, ‘Dude, I need some space,’ therefore the best course of action is to let your partner have her space and take this time for yourself, exploring your own space.  Make plans, and keep yourself busy so that you don’t end up sitting in your bed holding a picture of the two of you together, watching the Titanic, balling your eyes out when Kate and Leo part ways in the sea. Yikes!

Think about this in terms of the boundaries you hold over your own physical space, sometimes called a personal bubble.  If someone stands too close, you may feel closterphobic or uncomfortable, wishing that the person would take a step back, and conversely if somebody is standing too far away, you will find it difficult to hear them and may feel somewhat disconnected.  Imagine being in an elevator with one other person, and they stand too close to you.  As you converse with them, you take a step back but they don’t see your discomfort and step forward toward you again.  Instead of listening to what they say, you glance up anxiously at the floor count, counting down the seconds you can get away from this person.  It’s a very basic concept, when she needs some space, let her have it.

In conclusion, whether you see yourself as ‘The Persistent Guy’ or ‘The Smotherer,’ it’s important to recognize that attraction, courtship, and love all move along a track with no set speed limit.  You may be driving a Black Lamborghini, with black rims, and a cream white interior, and your girl is driving a beat up Ford Pinto with an lighting bolt sticker etched on the rear bumper.  If this is the case then you need to slow down to a speed that she can ride next to you comfortably. The speed on this track is dictated by both partners’ understanding of each other’s readiness to move forward combined with the natural flow.  Like an elegant dance created by two people, whereby you take two step forwards, and she takes two backward, she then pulls you to the side, so you move to the side with her; the timing in each step is dictated by the other person.  Learn to move with her and not against her and you won’t be hearing answering machines, you’ll be kicking back your feet in a foreign country sipping mojitos with the lady of your dreams.

A twenty four year old engineer named Jason orders himself a shot of Cuervo, and with a clumsy, backward head jerk, he manages to take the shot, while crashing into a freshly mixed mojito behind him.  Jason, whose head hurts from the combination of José and the impact of a glass, turns and sees Sonja, a tall, beautiful brunette, wearing an Ed Hardy top, topped with the remnants of her mixed mojito.  Jason apologizes, buys her another drink and in their brief interaction, the chemistry ignites, and for the rest of the night Jason and Sonja become lovestruck fools.  They spend all night together sharing drinks, laughs, and kisses.

Suddenly all of the doubt that Jason had in his past relationships, all of the problems that had been dragging him down in his work, in his school, and in his social life, seemed to disappear when he would think about this amazing new woman.  He wakes up in the morning, and can’t help but smile when he’s brushing his teeth, thinking about the great time that he had dancing the night away with Sonja in her mojito clad gown, and even though he had a million things going on that day, all that he wanted to do was see her again.

So he decides to listen to that little voice inside of his head, egging him to pick up his phone and call her.  She answers and Jason says  “I just want to tell you that I really like you Sonja, you’re amazing, I love you’re energy and attitude toward life, I’ve never met anybody like you, let’s hang out all day, every day, I promise I won’t spill on you again!”  They begin hanging out, and each day, Jason sinks deeper and deeper into his infatuation with Sonja.  Swept up by her beauty, Jason feels more alive than he ever has, so much so that he can hardly concentrate at work, sharing every juicy little detail of his feelings to his coworkers and to Sonja, but then something happens shortly afterward that catches him off guard.

A few weeks go by, and Sonja seems to be busy all of the time (much busier than before), and the busier that she gets, the more Jason wants to see her.  Pretty soon an entire week passes and he hasn’t spoken with her, so he picks up the phone and calls her again, and again, until he finds himself listening to her answering machine more than her actual voice.  It’s driving him crazy so he leaves her a message saying “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I miss you, and I’ll do anything to get you back.  Please call me, I’ll do whatever you want!”  Sadly, Jason never hears from her.   What Jason didn’t know was that he fell victim to love like so many people do, but got swept up in its storm and he SMOTHERED his way right on out of it!

And this is possibly the most devastating, ego-shattering, destructive thing that a man will go through in his life; having somebody that they genuinely connect with and watch them slip away without even knowing what went wrong.  It throws you into an array of emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, and confusion.  Not only does it feel like a dagger to the heart, the more days that eclipse from your last conversation is as if Cupid is sitting high up on a cloud, snickering while he twists the blade ever so slightly every time you see something that reminds you of her.  Jason goes to the bar where they met, orders a mojito, and grasps firmly onto the chest of his shirt, weak from heartache, he glances to the skies, “Cupid, you bastard!”

Well gents, cupids devilish cruelty can be put to rest for now.  This article unravels the secrets between being the ‘PERSISTENT GUY,’ and the ‘SMOTHERER.’  Find out which guy you are, and learn how to keep the one you love!

MASON FACTO numero uno: The process of falling for somebody should NOT be rushed.

‘The Smotherer’ is so consumed by the emotional tornado going on in his own head that he isn’t able to see the big picture.  Consumed with feelings of hope, doubt, floating between highs and lows, ‘the Smotherer’ is so overwhelmed by his emotions that he can’t wait to see if this woman is feeling the same way.  He wants her to calm this tornado that she threw him in, as if she were Zeus, controlling the winds of his emotions.  He asks her questions like “Do you like me? Would you ever get serious with somebody even if you just met them? What’s your view on marriage, and could you see yourself marrying somebody like me? Why didn’t you call/text me back? What did I do wrong, PLEASE PLEASE tell me!”

There is a certain attractive power that unpredictability holds over both men and women in the courtship process, and by showing her too quickly how you feel, you become exposed.  You might as well as strip down into your birthday suit, lay down in the fetal position and ask her to put you out of your misery.

If you watch a Texas Hold em’ game on television, and somebody at the table is dealt pocket rockets (aces), often times a great poker player will play it as if he had a mediocre hand, luring the other players in.  He doesn’t get eager, excited, or impulsive, instead he takes a deep breath and finds a natural calm, collected self.  Sure enough, when his opponents bite, he places his large stack of blue, yellow and red chips to the center of the table and splashes them over the pot.  When his opponents call him, there hearts skip a beat when he flips over the first ace, and when the second one shows, he stands up and says “Booyahh!” and they bow out shamelessly with their tails between their legs!  Imagine if he got really excited when he first saw the cards, jumping up in the air screaming “Woohoo” and immediately went all in.  The poker players’ ability to separate himself from his emotions, and see the big picture is the difference between winning a million dollars over a few blinds, and it is also the difference between keeping the one we love and scaring her away!

When it comes to timing; even though emotions may try to squeeze there way into our thought process, it’s important to take a step back and look at your position calm and collectively.  There will be a time to share how we feel, and that time will come naturally and should not be rushed.  Patience is one of the most important tools to develop when we’re beginning a relationship, and when we’re in one.  The guy who does things right, and is patient enough to let things fall into place will get the girl!

The next time you find yourself falling for that little voice telling you NOW NOW NOW, take a deep breath, and ask yourself “Will there be a time later, maybe a few weeks or months from now, that what I have to say, can be said naturally in a conversation with her?  Does she need to hear this right now?”

Now  the Persistent Guy’ knows what he wants and how to get it.  When it comes to women, when he starts to have feelings, he doesn’t expose them to her right away.  He makes an effort to see her, paying close attention to her schedule, finding a gap that the two might be able to share together, and doesn’t get frustrated if plans change.  He has a very different mentality than ‘The Smotherer.’  Instead of believing that if he doesn’t act NOW, then things will fall apart, the ‘The Persistent Guy’ has the belief that things will work out no matter what happens, and by keeping this mentality, it allows him to avoid becoming too emotionally involved in situations that are outside his control.  Fully embracing this mentality will make a situation that could be frustrating, into something that isn’t at all.

The Persistent Guy’ sees an opportunity, and without hesitation, he puts his feet into motion and goes for it.  Without expectation, and without resistance, he focuses on the target, aims, and fires.  Be careful though, persistence is not always a good thing, and can actually be unattractive if it’s taken too far.   For example, lets look at the case study of Sam.  Sam is a confident, outgoing, and intelligent young college student.  Sam goes out to the bars one night and after chatting with a fine young lady, they laugh, tell a few stories, and Sam’s convinced she’s interested, and maybe she is, but then the conversation lulls and she walks back over to her friends.

Instead of letting her go and picking up the conversation another night or at a later hour, Sam comes running after her, he reaches out and grabs her arm and says, “Where do you think you’re going? Come back and have a drink with me.”  Immediately she sees Sam, not as persistent, but as DESPERATE, and is immediately turned off.  Sorry Sam, you just $#!+ the bed and it doesn’t smell very good!  So strap on your diapers, because if you can see opportunities and learn how to act on them, know when to back off, and when to move forward, then you will $#!+ no more, and be one step closer to keeping the one you love.

When you find yourself chasing after a woman, try and see what kind of body language she is giving you.  If she is closed off, then chances are that your persistence has gone too far and the best course of action is to back off and go talk to her later.  Ask yourself “Am I being desperate, or persistent?”

MASON FACTO numero dos: The beginning stages of a relationship are always a little scary for both people, becoming vulnerable is not always a comfortable process, especially for men, so it should happen slowly and delicately.

The Smotherer’ acts as if he’s never fallen in love before, as if he’s been thrown into a position that is completely foreign and unfamiliar to him (and perhaps it is). However, he embraces this unfamiliarity as something that is fun and exciting, and expresses these feelings to the woman right away. “I know this is crazy, but I think I love you.” Her response, “Uh, dude, I’ve only known you for a week…” ‘The Smotherer’ makes the false belief that the woman he’s after is in the same position, unable to control her emotions, and thus he feels obligated to release her mind from this same chaos he’s experiencing by seeing her as often as he can, for as long as he can so that they both can become comfortable enough to confess their love for each other. This is a recipe for disaster.  By coming on so strong and so fast, he’s metaphorically just swaggered into a bar of skinheaded honkey tonks, and ordered Appletinis on the house saying “hey ya’ll, let’s sing a Taylor Swift song together in unison!”  He might as well put a sign on his forehead saying, “I’m freaking clueless!”

 Part II, coming soon!

Confident posture is often overlooked but extremely important.  Why is it important? Whether people are conscious of it or not in any social gathering they are constantly looking for clues (verbal and non-verbal) to analyze others around them. Walk into a restaurant or bar and it’s only natural to scan the room and see who is there and what they’re doing. We make judgements on people long before we even talk to them, it’s just how it works.

I think of my posture and how I hold myself physically as my ability to positively influence the people around me that are scanning the room. Watch the posture of celebrities or political figures with status and they all have good posture. Good posture means standing straight, tall, shoulders upright and aligned, head up looking straight ahead and the result is a confident, comfortable feel. Good posture does not involve flexing, strutting or having to be a tough guy.

SO, here’s my 2 Minute Posture Challenge

I challenge you to self-check your posture EVERY 2 minutes for half an hour the next time you go out. Posture is such an easy thing to do and then forget about because it requires consistent attention until it becomes habitual and I’ve found the most effective way to improve posture is by repetition. Here are some tips to keep in mind when self-checking:

I’ve been thinking about an interesting concept the last couple of weeks and it’s the barrier that stands between two people who have never met before.  When around friends we’re all social, talkative and can cut loose but for one reason or another in the presence of a stranger, we close ourselves off.  I can think of a couple reasons why we do this. 

Distraction

The first reason that comes to mind for me is distraction. During the day when we’re out we have things to do, a place to be and a time to be there by. Our daily missions and objectives come with heavy time constraints and rarely revolve around making friends or socializing.  For example, we go to a grocery store to get groceries to make dinner or go to the gym to workout.  We go to clothing store to buy clothes and all of this has to be done before 4pm! We are also heavily distracted by technology. Cell phones and mobile internet may be the greatest inventions of the 21st Century that can connect us in cyberspace, but they also draw us away from the ‘real world.’  A call here, a text there and an ever so often Facebook can chip hours away that could have been spent in the ‘real world’. 

Trust

The second and most important reason for the separation of two strangers is trust. With so many lunatics, perverts and crazies out there it can be really hard to tell who’s a good guy and who’s a not so good guy.  And seeing men have the physical edge, women have to be extra cautious. One place you can actively witness the weariness of females is in nightclubs and bars. The combination of alcohol, pent up horniness and dolled up women makes for a unique arena. 

In bars and nightclubs there is usually a high density of guys who have the same intention; pick up a woman. So it should come as no surprise that women in these places get hit on A LOT!  And every time a new guy approaches, his intentions become increasingly more visible and predictable and as a consequence, women are forced to be put up a wall that screens for any horny, houndish ‘guy’ behavior.  When guys act like this there will be an immiedate disconnect between them and her, the creeper radar has been alerted and responds with the fastest, most efficient way of getting him to leave usually involving her being having to be rude for the guy to get the clue.  Hey, she’s tried being nice and subtly showing disinterest before but that didn’t work.  Finally she realized the only way to remove themselves from this uncomfortable situation was to say something blunt enough to get him to leave. The problem is this wall also screens out a lot of good guys with good intentions who just don’t know how to connect with a woman. 

So how to connect and bring down the trust barrier. Knowing what you’ve just read, the answer should seem relatively simple. Be completely non-threatening. You have to NOT have an ulterior motive to pick her up. Firstly, this means recognizing the insignificance and natural process of sex.  Sex is natural and with the right person can be pure bliss but it’s not the end all and be all of life.  To pursue it as something greater than everything else is not only counterproductive in attracting women. Recognize this and you eliminate any need to get something from her.

The next thing that will help you lower the trust barrier is to assume everyone is already your friend and wants to meet you. Have a core intent to BE SOCIAL. We were designed to be social. By going out and simply talking to everyone you see, not as means to get something from them but just out of genuine curiosity, they will naturally be more receptive. And the only way I can really explain this is that when you have an underlying motivation or intention that is non needy, that isn’t trying to get something, people pick up on that energy and it naturally makes them more comfortable. They see it as it is, genuine sincerity and authenticity.  And I really learned from a good friend who would NEVER ‘try’ to pick up women but would talk to just about every man and women in the club and never once get rejected or told to leave.  And it was because of this idea of not having an ulterior motive, not having a need-laden intention that enabled instant trust with any person he came in contact with. 

Additional random thoughts that didn’t make it into this post…

*-You might wonder why women put up with the bar and clubs in the first place? Why go out to these “meat markets?” And the answer is attention. When you’re going to these places and receiving a ton attention and compliments from people, it’s extremely validating. You feel sexy when you know other people think you’re sexy. And even though a women may not be interested in ‘hooking up’ or meeting any man that night, the attention will keep bringing her back.*

*Have you ever noticed that as soon as you become introduced to someone either by a friend or acquaintance, it becomes easy to have a friendly, casual conversation?  It’s like that mutual contact, no matter what the relationship is, lowers that barrier to where the third party always feel comfortable talking to you. And really, this is how most couples meet; through mutual friends.  But in meeting women, relying solely on who you know and who your friends know can be incredibly limiting.*

You may have already noticed but I’ll round it up anyways, Briddick posted 3 new video posts this week on some great topics plus Mason just got done shooting a couple interviews with some really beautiful ladies that we’re editing as we speak and releasing shortly.  Here’s the latest:

1. Inner Game and Life Standards
2. Mindsets and Ideas for Meeting Women
3. How To Become an Attractive Person

I went out tonight with some friends, 4 of us to be exact, all fellas to take a look at a new club Glow that was opening in the heart of our downtown. The scene was good, my friends consider me someone who is focused on work 75% of the time, and as a guy with a girlfriend I enjoy the networking aspect of going out. I’m involved with a number of projects locally and online so lately my inspiration for going out has been to meet other business people, the money makers of our city.

I live in Bellingham WA, which according to Google has a population of 67,000, so it’s nothing like the space needle city to the south because everyone here knows someone else and their friend. Anyways I consider the guys I went out with to be true friends like Briddick, co-creator of Attractology, whom I spend a lot of time diving into the ideas of social dynamics with.

So here’s what happened. As two of my guy friends are having great conversations with two separate women the other guys I am with begin to criticize them.  Isn’t that how it always works? Criticize the people who are putting themselves out there and taking a risk?  

The first thought that crosses my mind INSTEAD of criticism is:  ”What can I do to help them succeed?”

This is a very important question to ask because someone who is comfortable helping someone else is comfortable in themselves. I’ll state that again, helping others succeed will ONLY happen when someone is comfortable with who they are. Women know this.  My reaction was to walk directly up to one of my friends, let him introduce me and then continue conversation with the group naturally. Then when there was a break in the conversation I brought up how good of a guy my friend is, gave him an accomplishment intro and some social proof and stepped away.

That was all it took.  Are you comfortable enough to HELP your friends out?

A few years ago before I had learned anything about human attraction, I had a girlfriend who I adored. At the time, I harbored the idea that being nice and doing nice things amplified attraction, connection and intimacy in a relationship. I was taught to be cordial and to treat women like queens and that would be enough. And so my relationship went fine for a few months. She would do nice things for me and I would predictably reciprocate every nice thing she did by doing something just a little bit nicer.

When you harbor the idea “she should be treated like a queen” it’s hard not to over do the acts of kindness. One day after I had bought her flowers and a new necklace, I got the “I think we should see other people” spew. I was dumb founded and heart broken wondering “what did I do wrong?”.  After studying this attraction game and learning about basic human psychology I realized it wasn’t what I didn’t do.  It was what I did too much of. 

What is happening here and why is being “too nice” a bad thing?

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with doing something special for someone you care about. But more and more guys are being raised only by their mothers who instill a “treat your women like a queen” attitude in their sons. I was one of these guys. And what our mothers have done has taught us how to gain affection rather than attraction. In other words, they are teaching us to be good husbands and providers rather than attractive males. 

So once you have a women attracted to you and you want to keep it that way, there are a few things you must understand. 

Reciprocating acts of love/ nice things need not be immediate. In fact they are better off being spontaneous and unpredictable rather than decadent and frequent. There is nothing wrong with letting someone know you care about them. But too many nice things can kill attraction.

And doing too many nice things is predictable. The key word here is predictable. When something you do becomes common and predictable, it’s value naturally decreases. Just like if you were to win $1000 a week for the rest of your life. The first few weeks might be very exciting but after a while, the novelty would wear and it would simply become the norm. Why do you think so many Parisians pay such little attention to their beloved Louvre Museum and their massive Eiffel tower. They are always going to be there. They aren’t going anywhere. So they don’t need to pay any attention to them. And this concept can be generalized.

We tend to put things in the back of our minds when they become predictable. 

Another good example…

Have you ever noticed a terrible odor that is almost unbearable to smell. Yet after a few minutes the smell seemed to have disappeared. This is the same principle. The odor didn’t disappear. Your mind simply put it in the peripheral, so you could focus your attention on more important things. 

Also, when you are overly nice, doing a lot of nice things frequently, an added pressure arises in the women. She is going to think “god, this guy really really is into me. Am I as into him as he is into me?” And that discrepancy in the way she feels is going to create guilt. And because we rarely like to make ourselves out to the bad guy, we tend to put the blame elsewhere aka it was the guys fault. And this will transpire in to contempt and those little things that she found so attractive in the beginning are now driving her crazy. Until she gets to the point where she can’t keep hiding her feelings, she will break things off with you.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with doing nice things for a women. But doing nice things in a predictable and frequent fashion will have a detrimental effect and ultimately kill attraction. 

1. Don’t overdo the acts of kindness.
2. Understand the niceness only has the ability to create affection rather than attraction.
3. You cannot “buy” a women’s heart
4. Being “nice” does not mean you need to conform to her opinions, ideals, morals, or perspectives
5. Being “nice” does not mean you need to stray from being you

“Let’s Just Be Friends”

A relationship stuck in friend zone is based on having comfort and trust with a woman, but lacking any ‘chemistry’ or attraction.  Some call this a platonic relationship and for some guys, it’s a reoccurring nightmare. It usually goes like this: You meet a girl and you two talk. You find out you have a lot in common and you really feel like you can trust her and talk to her about anything. You find her physically attractive and become attracted to her. This goes on for some time, you wait to have a physical connection. Finally you try to take it to the next level and she says “lets just be friends”.

In this situation, the development of emotional compatibility and trust happened first but she never developed attraction, similar to the relationships she has with her girlfriends and relatives. Building and creating comfort with a woman is great, but you must also be building attraction.

I can remember talking and hanging out with this girl. She was beautiful, we had a ton in common and we would hang out all the time. I liked her a lot. And so finally I brought up “being more than just friends” to her. I instantly got the reply “I think we should just be friends.” I can honestly say it was heartbreaking, humbling, and an out right blow to my ego. But thankfully, I finally realized what was happening.

I never took the time to build any attraction. I never gave her those feelings of “chemistry.” She saw me as she did any of her girl friends. And when I finally sprung it on her, she realized that more than friends meant a change in the relationship. A change that disagreed with her feelings. As a result, she rejected me by giving me the “let’s just be friends” spew.

It is an uphill battle to reverse her feelings for you. Let’s avoid getting there in the first place. If you often get stuck in friends zone, we’ve got lots of great articles on how to create attraction first and get her craving you.

It easy when first getting into this to read everything there is to read.  That’s what I did when I began, it started with Neil Strauss’ The Game and lead to an interest in David DeAngelo, posts on Fast Seduction and now have I accumulated material from most other Guru’s; some of which has been useful information. 

Side note:

We’ve been compiling some guru interviews to share but that’s for another post.

See, I approached learning about attraction with a fairly solid belief system intact but also an open mind willing to learn from experience.  I feel both of these were critical for success.  Sometimes what I was reading would challenge my belief system and when this would happen I would have three options.

1. Instantly accept what I was reading over my own belief system
2. Instantly accept my own belief over what I was reading
3. Go out with an educated open mind and learn from the experience

I continue to chose number three.

Bluntly put, guys that don’t succeed are either too gullible or too stubborn to go out and challenge their belief system with the experience necessary to progress.  Success will come from the combination of learning AND going out and being social, networking and leading a dynamic life.

To improve you must understand that progression will happen by reading but also doing.  Here’s how.  Read enough material to understand and challenge some of your ideas and beliefs without getting overwhelmed.  Go out and practice making note of what gets good results, and  then when you hit a sticking point come back and figure out what you can do to improve next time WITHOUT dwelling on the negative.  Mastery in any subject is a series of plateaus, persistence is essential.

That’s it for now, but as we move into 2009 no time is better to set some expectations and real goals.  Here are some goal setting tips I was just reviewing for myself, I find it valuable to set both personal and career related goals.

• Determine what you want to achieve
• Put the goal in writing
• Set a time deadline for the attainment of the goal
• Develop a plan and work the plan
• Visualize a successful result
• Maintain a positive attitude
• Measure your progress and make adjustments, where needed
• Persist until you reach your goal