Here are five things you may be doing that are sending the wrong signals.
- Ironic facial hair.
- This statement has become huge in the past couple years. From bets, to Mustache March, or simply testing the lengths your facial hair can grow, this is one trend that will get the ladies running… the wrong way. Unless it’s for a good cause (Movember is a great organization and potentially a great conversation starter, just remember to wear something stating your efforts, and keep your stache to the appropriate month)… Shave. Women don’t have the same appreciation for a barbershop mustache like your friends do.
- Statement Tees.
- It may have seemed funny at the time of purchase, but your “FBI: Female Body Inspector” shirt is only telling women that you have a questionable sense of humor and a wandering eye.
Instead, stick to classic solid tees, cut well to flatter your physique.
- It may have seemed funny at the time of purchase, but your “FBI: Female Body Inspector” shirt is only telling women that you have a questionable sense of humor and a wandering eye.
- Comfort Gone Wrong.
- There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable in your attire. But there are some things that are better saved for home, on the couch, on a lazy Sunday. These items may include (but are not limited to) sweatpants, Crocs, torn tee-shirts and sweatshirts, athletic jerseys, anything that you may consider your lucky ____ (and have subsequently over worn), and clothing with spots or stains.
- Ignoring the details.
- Yes, women will see those white socks you chose to hide under your slacks and oxfords. The small elements that you hoped no one will notice, is sadly something the female gender have a trained eye to see.
- Faded and misfitting clothing.
- Once your blacks begin to look like grey, the reds look like pinks, and the perfectly shaped sweater looks like it belongs to your little sister, it’s time to replace. There’s nothing wrong with getting the most out of your wardrobe investments, but learn to know when to let go.
Your physical appearance is not the only thing that women notice. Have an awareness of what your body language and actions are communicating. Are you making eye contact with the object of your affection (or interest)? Or are you constantly checking Facebook/texts/scores on your phone? Is your body positioned away from the person you’re interested in? Are you ordering drink after drink just to keep something in your hand? Sometimes the things we do out of nervousness or habit to pass the time are speaking louder than our own words.
- Sour face.
- When I go out anywhere in public, I’m always keeping an eye on how people interact. I love to observe body language, and social dynamics as a whole. One thing that I have noticed time after time, is the sour-faced girl. You know exactly who I’m talking about. She’s with a group of friends and because she looks like her favorite parakeet just died, she brings down the attractiveness and approachability of the entire group. Why? Because as a man, it can be intimidating enough to walk up to a group of girls, let alone, a group that has a gargoyle as a personal man-deterrent. No one wants to deal with a sour-faced chick, so quit it. You’re not only hurting yourself, you’re hurting your friends as well.
- Weird makeup.
- One of the advantages of being a gorgeous woman is that you get to enhance your natural beauty with makeup. However, please make sure that you know what you’re doing. A little goes a long way, and just the right amount is nothing short of sexy. Just like you don’t want us to cologne-bomb you, don’t clown-face us.
- Crazy Talk.
- This should be a no-brainer, but as we get older and start to lug around more emotional baggage, it becomes more difficult to avoid what has happened in the past as a conversation topic or really anything too controversial. Nothing will make a sane person run in the opposite direction faster than questions like “You won’t hurt me will you?” “How many kids do you want? I want five.” “I’m still good friends with all my ex-boyfriends, is that weird?” or my personal favorite “Do you like cats?”
- The Stalker.
- In this day and age, everyone has a ton of information about them on the internet. I get that some of you want to be friends on Facebook before you really get the chance to know that dude you just met. You want some social-proof on a guy before you move forward. Understandably, you want to make sure he’s not married, have kids, worship Satan, or whatever else you can pick up from an online profile. Fair enough. However, if you know what he is doing at all times due to social media, and bring it up in conversation casually like “How was karaoke last Tuesday at ____________, and who were those girls you were with?” Don’t get hurt when he freaks the f*ck out.
- Kind of like fast food value meals, they sound better than they really are. Guys, keep your standards up. Unless you think you really found love, and we won’t judge you here, try to keep the sluts to a minimum. Girls won’t respect you because they don’t respect guys that go for girls that don’t respect themselves. Girls, if you’re just looking for fun, that’s totally fine. However, if you’re looking for a fulfilling relationship, try to be respectable and keep it classy. Because there is nothing hotter than a woman who values herself.
Don’t feel bad if you’re guilty of any of these. No one is perfect and these are just tips to help you along your path to love and a fulfilling relationship. However, if you are guilty of more than three of these things, please contact us ASAP and we will help you!!! Thanks for reading.
Tyler & Carina
Ask yourself, what am I really looking for right now? You may think you’re searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but in reality because you’re looking so hard for that person, or waiting for them to come along, you’re missing the fun you can be having as a strong, single, independent person. Conversely, if you’ve been in that long-term relationship for awhile, and it’s becoming a little stale, it may be time for a little relationship rejuvenation. Time to spark up some fun and spontaneity.
I challenge you to do this: live in the now, be present. If you want fun right now, then go out and get all you need, and if you are really looking for that something that fulfills you more than you have now, figure out what that is and go after it. Because there really is a deadline in life, and we are hurling towards it faster than we would like to believe. The point is whatever you’re looking for, do it with urgency and with abandon. You’ll never feel more alive.
Is it OK for Women to Ask Men Out?
On a First Date
What he’s thinking: (By Tyler)
Of course it’s OK for the girl to ask the guy out. This isn’t the 1950’s. However, there does need to be a protocol observed by both parties. Due to the natural wiring of a man, we are certified hunters, and need to be chasing for us to feel like we are being challenged enough. However, if a woman wants to ask a guy out, there are great ways to allow him to feel like you’re still a challenge, just make the guy feel like it is his idea. It’s kind of like the movie “Inception.” The great thing about it is that there is always an out. Guys know this first-hand. How many times have you heard “I have a boyfriend” from a girl? It’s a pretty standard response that women believe is a polite way to let a guy down if she’s not interested in going out with him. Well guys, don’t we have that same option?
I personally enjoy seeing some assertiveness from a woman. Knowing what you want in life is a trait of confidence, and seeking it, is an attractive quality. Unfortunately, some of the women out there have been conditioned to believe the man should make the first move, whether it is the first date, first kiss, first anything. In reality, a strong, confident man does not mind taking a back seat once in a while, and letting the woman drive. And that’s the kind of guy you’re looking for after all, isn’t it ladies?
What she thinks: (By Carina)
Though the Facebook poll blew my own personal opinion out of the water, I’m standing my ground. I’ve been called a traditionalist, and while I don’t subscribe to “the Rules,” I do believe that if a guy is interested in a woman, he will make the first move.
Though this topic is infinitely more complicated than the simple question, the bottom line is this: He won’t value his interest in you if you have to ask him out. You will be setting a precedent of being the one to lead the relationship, which can lead to complications further on. Think first kiss, first intimate moment, any relationship discussion that may or may not happen, etc. How things begin is often how they will continue.
It’s very similar to waiting for the first call or text. If you don’t hear from someone, it’s not because they lost your number or are simply having a busy week. It means that they are just not that into you.
Ladies, don’t you want a guy, don’t you deserve a guy, who would call, text or ask you out?
I’m not saying leave everything in the guy’s hands. As a woman, I think dropping a few obvious hints is more than appropriate. Let him know you are interested in him, not just for the evening but in the future. “I’ve never tried that restaurant, but have been meaning to…” “When so-and-so bartends they make the best (insert name of drink here), you have to try it sometime!” “I’m so curious about that new SAM exhibit. It’s supposed to open in a week.” … you get the idea. It’s OK to imply, but let him take it from there.
Second Date and Beyond
What he thinks:
This is wide open. After a few dates, I would personally be disappointed if the woman wasn’t setting up, asking, and delivering on a date of her planning. I want a woman to bring me into her world, just as much as she wants to be brought into mine. In fact, it’s a fantastic way for the man to get to know the woman better, as a simple date can give a lot of information about a person, especially in the early stages.
What she thinks:
Until you’ve established a mutual interest in dating and seeing each other on a regular basis, I think every date is just like the first date. As a woman you do have more room to be clearer and apparent in your interest of another date. Talk about “checking something out together” in future tense. But continue to allow him to suggest a specific time and place. You deserve to be pursued.
How do you feel about it? Feel free to leave us a comment!
Friends, after a brief hiatus, Attractology is back full time to provide you with tools and philosophies to help you feel more confident and attractive everyday. Does that sound good?
Also, thank you for being a part of our community, we really appreciate all of you.
OK, here is a topic that I’m sure a few of you can appreciate. Especially the women! The topic of romance means something different to each person you ask. However, it’s a key component to the dating protocol. We all need it to a certain degree, so let’s dive right into it. I want you to think about what it means to you, and are you getting enough of it in your life? We have a few principles here at Attractology and one of them is to make sure you are getting what you need. We only have a short amount of time in this world, so making room for the things we need, and letting go of those that don’t serve us is paramount.
We’re in Seattle, so this post is going to have a local flavor to it, but hopefully you can get something out of it, even if you’re somewhere else in the world.
One of the best cities in the world to create romance is Seattle. It’s true. It’s got long dark winters, perfect for cozying up with someone, and the summer’s are mild so you don’t have to walk around all sweaty looking like a hot mess. The waterfront is beautiful all the time, and there is no end to the amount of outdoor activities.
When you’re in a fairly new relationship, everything you do can have a romantic feel to it, mostly because it’s something new and fresh you’re experiencing together. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it becomes a little more difficult to organically create that feeling. At that point, you’ve done a lot of things together, and as we become more comfortable the drive to explore and be adventurous begins to wane. Let’s not let that happen to us. Let’s keep things fresh and be spontaneous. The fact that you are doing it together will make whatever you’re doing more romantic. Yes?
Here are a few suggestions to try out, whether you just started dating someone, or have been together in a serious relationship for five years. These are just ideas, please feel free to customize them and make them your own.
1.) Take the Theo Chocolate Factory Tour in Fremont. The tour is only an hour long and at $6 per person you can’t beat the price. You’ll learn a little about cacao (which is great for trivia nights at your local pub,) and taste a lot of delicious chocolate. Not to mention chocolate is considered an aphrodisiac and is said to have quite an effect on a woman’s mood.
2.) Bundle up and take a tour of the Olympic Sculpture Park. Eat at the TASTE Café while you’re there and discuss your favorite works of art from the tour.
3.) We’re in the thick of autumn, the leaves are turning, (football is on), the air is crisp and Halloween is fast approaching so something as simple as pumpkin carving can be romantic if you add a bottle of champagne and a few well-placed candles.
4.) With cold weather, comes more time indoors. So, cook a Fall-inspired meal together – decide on the recipe and shop for the ingredients together. Time in the kitchen can be a great relationship builder and will help to bring you closer. Once you’re done, feel free to dig in! (clothing optional, of course…)
5.) Take a stroll around Greenlake and bring a picnic if the weather isn’t too chilly. Make sure you pack some hot chocolate and an extra blanket to cuddle up with.
6.) Sharing new experiences together release hormones that create a feeling of attraction and elation so try something neither of you have experienced before like rock climbing. Stone Gardens located in Ballard is a great place with decent rates.
7.) Be a kid again! Head down to the Seattle Waterfront Arcade located at Pier 57. You’ll be surrounded by tourists, providing great people watching, and a new energy you both will easily absorb.
Please feel free to share your ideas with us too, we would love to hear them!
Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’ and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.
This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.
Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.
So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.
Theory behind the EDR Technique:
The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.
With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.
The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.
Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.
Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:
Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.
Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.
You want to use something more simple and direct such as:
“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.
“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.
Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:
“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.
While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.
Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:
“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.
“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.
From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.
Benefits of The EDR Technique:
Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:
1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.
2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.
3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.
4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.
5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.
Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!
Until Next Time….
Often times the main fear and obstacle that men face when approaching and interacting with women is the thought that she knows that he is “hitting on her and trying to get some just like every other guy that passes her by throughout the day. This isn’t true of course, it’s simply what we men often think.
As Social Artists, YES we do want to show interest to a woman (if she qualifies herself and meets our standards) but at the same time, we don’t want to come off like every other guy who creepily persists until he scares her off.
As good as it sounds that women like a man who is loving, caring, affectionate, and gives her attention; the reality of it is that too much of anything in the beginning can be a major turnoff.
So how do we do this? How do we learn to develop a bond with a quality lady and at the same time not give off the ‘He’s hitting on me vibe”? In the following article, we will be breaking down the fundamentals of the initial interaction with a women and how not to give off the “player vibe” during your interaction.
Opening: When you first approach a woman who interests you and a conversation is started, it’s first a good idea to use a False Time Constraint which is simply saying you can only “Stay there for a second because you have to get back to your friends”. The reason for this False Time Constraint is because when a stranger approaches you, the first few thoughts that run across your mind are:
1) Who is this person?
2) What does he/she wants?
3) How long are they going to be taking up my time?
So by immediately stating that you will only be there for a few seconds/minutes, they will be more willing to talk to you knowing you’ve got somewhere else to go and will only be hanging around for a moment. It’s comforting to know someone will leave before it’s taken place. While most guys will hover like stars orbiting a planet, you will be the only one who is willing to walk away before she does.
I’ve also developed a technique called the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique (EDR Technique) which allows you to develop a conversation with a woman without them thinking you are hitting on them. We will be elaborating more on this EDR Technique in next week’s newsletter but for now let us focus on what to do once you’ve started the conversation.
Disqualification: Once you’ve started talking to her, consider false disqualifying her via dropping hints you aren’t hitting on her. By doing this you are sub communicating she isn’t your type which again implies: I am not hitting on you.
Two simple and effective disqualifiers you can use are:
“Oh my god!! No Way!! You like (Something she states she likes) too!! I can tell already, you and I would never get along; we simply have too much in common!”
“ohh my god. I love you. You’re going to be my new little sister!”
It shows that she is off your “potential mate list” but at the same time, you’re giving value and making yourself a challenge.
It’s all in the sub-communication. While a majority of guys will continue to show interest in a girl, by not hitting on her, you are actually disqualifying yourself and making her qualify/prove herself to you. You are showing her that you have standards for yourself and just because a girl looks beautiful, doesn’t mean she can have you. You should go into every interaction knowing that you are a valued commodity, not to be sold just on physical beauty.
Body Language: While you are interacting with a woman who has drawn your attention, it is very important to watch your body language. Communication is 93% non-verbal which is further evidence you should put a huge emphasis on eye contact, voice tonality, stance/posture and other forms of body language.
The number one thing to remember when communicating with an individual is to look at them directly in the eyes when talking to them. The average rate of consistent eye contact with another individual should last anywhere from 4-9 seconds before blinking or briefly glancing away before reconnecting eye contact. Do not give off the stalker, fixed eye stare and certainly do not stare anywhere under her neck. But don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a bit longer than normal.
Another important component of body language which should be recognized when communicated with an individual is the amount of space you give them. It is recommended to stand anywhere from 10-12 inches away from a person when talking to them; it is close enough where an individual can hear you clearly and far enough where they do not feel you are intruding in their “bubble”.
Most women can sense a man is hitting on them by the way they are immediately so close up to them attempting to whisper in their ear and so forth; although all that is nice, it will happen in time, everything happens in steps.
Being Social: The most important piece of information that can be given with regards to not giving off the “I’m hitting on you” vibe is to not approach her to hit on her! Rather approach her with the mindset that you are just a very social individual that wants to met new and interesting people.
A great way to ensure that you are not hitting on her and are just being social is to interact with everyone at the venue – guys, girls, bartenders, security guards, grandparents, children, teachers, waiters, and so forth – not only the women.
By being friendly and interacting with everyone, it gets you in a social mode which people will take notice. Then when you do approach a lady, rather then thinking you are “hitting on her”, she will simply believe you are being friendly and the doors will be wide open for you to get to know her. In fact, she will be looking forward to the opportunity to get to know you.
Remember…being unique and differentiating yourself from others is what will make you stand out from the pack; keep these suggestions in mind next time you are interacting with a quality woman who captures your interest and she will quickly realize you are not like every other guy who approaches her.
Until Next Time…
Many times individuals get so immersed into their daily routine of waking up, going to work or school, coming home, watching television and going to bed only to continue that same routine for the next five days that they often start neglecting their social lives and become robots to the daily grind of life.
Fortunately for us here at Attractology, we understand the importance of having a social life and how valuable it can be not only for a fun time but also for the wellness and happiness of an individual.
This week we would like to spend some time discussing five different ways how we can expand our social lives by meeting new interesting people and at the same time, increasing our own value in life.
Before we go explore these five avenues of expanding our social circle, it is important that we do not ignore a common feeling that may arise for some of us. In our efforts to meet new people, it may be uncomfortable in the beginning but you need to believe in yourself and never doubt yourself for one second. The only way to expand your social life is to start making an effort to put yourself out there. Remember to never doubt yourself.
Five Ways to Expand Your Social Circle
Joining a sports league in your area is a great way to meet people who have similiar interests as you and also a great way to stay in shape. Often times going to the gym can become repetitive and boring so why not mix it up and participate in another physical workout activity (such as soccer, football, baseball) which also involves interacting with other individuals.
If you do not know where to start, one good place is a website called Sportsvite -(http://sportsvite.com/) which allows you to find different leagues in your area or even start up your own. Another great resource is a local newspaper which can be found at any supermarket, newspaper stand or coffee shop.
Join a Music School
Signing up to learn an instrument at a local music school is an amazing way to add value into your life and also meet new people. There is an assumption made throughout the public that music schools only have one on one teaching (Student with Teacher) but there are many schools which offer group classes where there are anywhere from 3-10 students per class and is often much cheaper too. You may be surprised on how fun it can be and making music with others is a unique and special way to form a bond with individuals.
One great resource to find a music school in your area is AboutMusicSchool -(www.aboutmusicschools.com/), which supplies you with all the basic information you need to know about choosing an instrument, which music school to go too and also where to find them.
Participating at Local Charity Events
One of the best ways to meet great people and also give back to the community is to start participating in charity events in your city or surrounding cities; and since charity events tend to be a group of people working together to serve one cause, it should be no problem interacting with people! Not only will you walk away feeling like a better person, you will also have met many amazing individuals in your community who do not isolate themselves.
If you are unsure what’s happening in your area then simply pick up a local newspaper or get on the internet and type “Charity Events in (Your City)”. Also feel free to check out a site called Charity Happenings (www.CharityHappenings.org) which gives a listing of a variety of charity nonprofits across the United States.
Classes at a Community College
Signing up for any classes that interests you at a community college is often one of the best ways to meet people that often gets overlooked. A majority of the friends we’ve met throughout our lives we’ve either met in school or at our jobs so why not go back to one of the main sources of meeting people and enroll in a class at a local college.
Learning a new language, taking a class on 18th century art, enrolling in a yoga class, or getting your masters is an instant way to add value into your life and also put yourself out there to expand your social circle.
The great things about community colleges are that they are easy to enroll in, very affordable and a great way to make classmates into good friends. Community colleges can be found in every city so ask around and take a trip to your local college to register for a class!
Going to “networking mixer” event in your area can be a great way to get a hybrid of your professional life tied into your social life. A majority of events have cocktails, appetizers and tables set up where individuals can mix and mingle in a professional environment and is perfect if you want to get away from the nightlife scene.
A majority of the people at these types of events will be professionals from your area who are looking to network with others so the opportunity to met new people couldn’t be higher – People are there specially to meet you!
Once you start involving yourself in extra-circular activities, you will start meeting people and then after your soccer game, guitar class or art history class, you and your new colleagues can all go get a few drinks at a local bar, get to know each other on a more personal level and really start to expand your social circle.
Another suggestion is to throw a BBQ for your newly found friends with a themed party where: “everyone has to bring someone else from the opposite sex” or something fun like that.
The goal is for you to be an individual who knows a lot of people and is always willing to put yourself out there. Make it a point to be social everywhere you go.
If you are at the market – talk to the casher; if you are going for a walk around the block – say “Hi” to everyone that passes you by.
Point is – Be Social!
Being Social = an expanded social circle
So don’t waste a single second, go online, get a local newspaper, get out there and see what activities you are going on in your area…now is the time! Once you have some extra-circular activities going on in your life where you can expand your social circle, then you will be ready for the next steps…
Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!
What’s up guys (and ladies), you know it’s funny when we started this site about 95% of our visitors were men but now we are getting more and more females which goes to show how much this stuff is relevant to both sexes. What dating, relationship, and confidence issues men go through, women go through as well, just in a slightly different way. That being said, the topic that I want to talk about today applies just as much to women as it does for men; sex. And more importantly when to have it.
Now, if you’re a long time veteran in the dating advice community, you’ll recognize there is a lot of different advice out there. Some schools of thought teach men to have sex with a woman as quickly as possible to solidify their role as the alpha dog. Other schools of thought including our good friend Marni from DWD teach their students to wait up to 60 days before having sex with a person. Now, I’m not going to give a specific timeline as to which of these is better. In my opinion, these are both extremes. And really, when you have sex boils down to what you’re looking for and that particular relationship. However, keep in mind sex is the most intimate act two people can participate in and the time frame that it happens in can dictate the terms of the relationship.
For example, let’s say you go out to the bar, have a few drinks, meet a sexy brunette and the two of you completely hit it off! So much that you end up going home together and having sex. The relationship you’ve developed with this person will have been built purely on appearances and the influence of booze leaving to rest the emotional connection and trust needed for romantic intimacy. While your post coitus may make you crave a sandwich, women are instantly reminded of this lacking, creating discomfort and even the occasional awkwardness. Damn oxytocin! Additionally, you could find when you try to reconnect with this woman she’s reluctant to see you. ”Does he just want to have sex with me? Will it be awkward when I see him?” are common questions running through a woman’s head when she’s rushed a sexual relationship with a guy and now he’s trying to hang out again. So you can see, having sex too soon can be a bad thing.
On the other side of the coin, waiting months to get physical with someone can also not be good. Too much of an emotional relationship without the physical and you’re in store for a new BFF! This is where a lot of guys get hung up in that they enjoy hanging out with a woman but they don’t want to ruin it by making a move. Really, by not making a move they are slowing ruining it for themselves. Ideally, romantic intimacy is built when both the emotional and physical connection are aligned and on the same track! And after the trust, emotional understanding and boundaries are developed then have sex. Generally this happens on date 3 or 4 but when you’re dealing with attraction, dating, and social dynamics, every rule is meant to be broken.
Read more about topic in Foundations
As a side note, recognize I’m no saint in this area and have been on both sides of the spectrum of not waiting long enough and waiting too long to where something platonic has developed. I don’t want to appear as preachy or like I’m infallible or above anyone because I am definitely not and have made just as many (if not more) mistakes as the next person. But as a human being, all we can do is try to implement what we feel is right today. When tomorrow comes, we’ll deal with that then. Until next time,
p.s I’d love to hear what you guys think about this topic. Most everyone has had some experience here. So let’s hear it!