Nearly all of television portrays attraction between men and women. It is part of human interaction. The problem is often times actors give us a skewed, unrealistic perception of how it happens between men and women when we watch it. The scary thing is we have all been at least a little conditioned through sitcoms, films, soap operas and even the not-so-real reality tv. Most times we don’t realize it.
I have always watched loads of tv and movies, ever since I was little I was forming my thoughts on the world and relationships based on watching media. And for the most part, I think it was a hindrance for my game. Think about all those movies where the quiet, shy, yet uniquely cool guy pines after some gorgeous girl and after some conflict usually involving another douche bag, she comes around and they fall in love. Almost like a fairy tale. Because I could identify with ‘that’ guy, which I think a lot of guys can, I thought that if I just kept being him, that it would just work out. But in real life it rarely ever ends this way. Unless that guy decides to learn about women, attraction, body language, he will enjoy the same level of success he always has.
Which illustrates an important point about whatever you have in life. You cannot expect things to change for the better if you are not making an effort to change them. Being shy, quiet but uniquely cute is not an effective strategy to meet women. I wish it were! I would have had much more success throughout my teens and early 20s. But it’s just not how it works in real life! Hoping and praying are all fine and good..but if you truly want something, have to make it happen.
Another unrealistic thing I often observe in films is that I see in a lot movies that don’t realistically portray the approaches. Often in film, when men go and approach women for whatever reason, the womens is already displaying receptive body language as if she is already into him. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally this will happen granted you have near flawless body language and good looks. But for the rest of us, it doesn’t happen this ideally. We have to display some value. We have to take advantage of our communication skills a bit more. James Bond movies are renowned for doing this. James will catch a beautiful women staring at him, he walks over to her and coyly whispers something sexual in her ear and from then on she is all over him. As I said before, it can happen like this, but rarely is does attraction happen so smoothly.
Although most are bad and don’t represent reality, there are a couple movies that I feel do paint a more realistic picture. If you watch Wedding Crashers, Both Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn use something as close to classic textbook game as I have ever seen on the big screen. In the beginning in particular watch how Vince Vaughn goes from Demonstrating Value by doing balloon tricks for the kids to dancing with his ‘target’ girl. To which then he isolates her and builds a sense of connection talking about the philosophy of connectedness to which then he takes it physical. All of this is of course is done in a hilarious way but it portrays what I think of as a more accurate, proactive depiction of attraction. Another great movie to see is Don Juan Demarco. Johnny Depp creates a marvelous, seductive character that truly sees the beauty in all women. When you watch this one, observe his usage of imagery in how he describes the world and more importantly how he describes it to women. It’s excellent stuff. Another good one to check out is the most recent remake of Alfie featuring Jude Law. Law emanates a natural charisma in this movie that is believable and as you watch, gets him many many women. Top Gun is another great movie to watch. Observe the sexual tension between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis.
In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with watching films and tv even if they portray an inaccurate picture of how it happens in the real world. Just make sure to recognize IT ISN’T REAL, and for the most part doesn’t represent reality. It’s time we reprogram the way we think about attraction.
Recognition is the first step towards enlightenment
A question I am asked a lot is “How can I tell when a girl is interested in me?”. Sure, answers like “when you sense it” or “when you two have a connection” are vague and simple enough to appease most people, but lets break it down a little further.
First off, a good frame of mind is to assume she is always interested you. Not in a way that you are crossing boundaries or laying all your cards on the table, but having a confident mindset will work in your favor.
Physical Signs & Actions That She Might Be Interested
- She touches you
- She whispers something
- She tilts her head playfully
- She plays with her hair
- She laughs at your jokes
- She holds eye contact
- She asks you questions
- She is generally just more open to conversation
What to do when you get these signs?
Keep the conversation going; listen and respond to her. Mastering kino touch is essential. Know the difference between a sexual guy (good) and a horny guy (bad). A sexual guy isn’t afraid to talk about a sexual topic or make a joke – he calls an spade a spade – while a horny guy is needy of sex and actions are driven because of it. By having a good time, incorporating touch and giving her subtle signs you are interested too you will find yourself taking things further, more often.
I’m fascinated with marketing and I feel lucky to be doing something I really enjoy. Lately I’ve been watching Eben Pagan’s (David DeAngelo) Get Altitude program for entrepreneurs.
I personally find a lot of parallels between the sales / marketing world and the attraction / seduction world.
As I watched one of the videos today something dawned on me. Eban brings up a study by a university that examined the factors of success by looking at the commonalities of top sales people. You can watch the video yourself but I’ll spoil it anyways. The number one commonality between all these successful salespeople was their speed of implementation. Speed of implementation is the time is takes between hearing about an idea to acting on an idea.
Researchers found that the most successful businesses and salespeople were regularly putting ideas into action immediately. Their speed of implementation was faster.
This mindset of implementing ideas faster in my own life feels somewhat counter-intuitive. The voice in my head says “lets think about this”, “lets weigh out pros and cons, make a list of benefits and side effects”, “let me run this idea past 2 or 3 of my friends to see what they say”. And then usually through deliberation and backwards rationalization the idea fizzles and never gets implemented.
What does this mean for creating attraction and meeting beautiful women?
A mindset focused on speed of implementation shoves a lot of the logic to the side – You know, the times when you are in your head and rationalizing with yourself that she probably has a boyfriend and you shouldn’t talk to her (or any other excuse). This is your mind coming up with a reason for not approaching or doing something that you know you really should be doing.
The mindset of implementing ideas faster is useful to overcome approach anxiety and encourage spontaneous behavior. Being spontaneous keeps life fresh and will have a lot of positive side effects. A good motto I like to say is “plan big and adapt”. The next time you are presented with an opportunity or an idea that can take you to the next level – even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone – take action!
I’m just finishing up Ayn Rand’s masterpiece Atlas Shrugged and though I don’t agree with all of her philosophy, it’s interesting nonetheless. Here is a little excerpt on how she describes sex and attraction.
A mans sexual choice is the result and sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds a sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the women he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself. No matter what corruption he´s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment-just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!-an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self exaltation, only in confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the women who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the women whose surrender permits him to experience-or to fake-a sense of self esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of women he can find, the women he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer-because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.
He does not seek to gain his value, he seeks to express it. There is no conflict between the standards of his mind and the desires of his body. But the man who is convinced of his own worthlessness will be drawn to a women he despises-because she will reflect his own secret self, she will release him from that objective reality in which he is a fraud, she will give him a momentary illusion of his own value and a momentary escape from the moral code that damns him.
Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment but self-denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the women he professes to love and draw himself to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attract him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that vice is the only realm of pleasure. Then he will scream that his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of the spirit. And then he will wonder why love brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged pg 453-454
Let’s hear your thoughts people! Do you agree or disagree with what Ayn is saying?
I thought it would be beneficial to take a few moments to describe what it means to me to take risks. A defining moment in my life was when I first started learning about attraction and social dynamics. As a sub category in the self development movement, one of the first things I learned was that to meet women you have be willing to ACT without thinking. You have to be willing to approach a women without thinking of how it could go wrong.
You have to be willing to jump into the fire and find a way to not to get burned.
As a result of recognizing how easy it was to take little baby steps (Insert What About Bob quote here) with meeting women, I started see how applicable it was to every other facet of my life. As a giant pussy when it came to heights, I made a point to jump off every cliff I could find. As a person who had never left the country, I made a decision to see the world. As a person who has always dealt with anxiety and panic attacks, I made a life decision to embrace my fears and not allow them to control my life. And in every fear I’ve faced, I’ve always found that it was never once as BAD or SCARY as I had previously predicted. Isn’t it strange how our mind can warp a future event and assume it’s going to be terrible yet when we’re in the moment, we never feel fear, we never feel the pain we anticipate. We are in it, experiencing it and dealing with it. You could argue fear is nothing more than anticipating some form of pain. Yet 99% of the time that pain never comes and time and time again when we encounter situations that we have been dreading, we realize how rediciulous our fretting was. In the moment, we can only act and deal with what is happening. We always find a way to not get burned. This is why fear and worry are so unproductive. They consume our vital energy and direct it towards a ‘painful’ future that never seems to come.
Besides fear, there is another reason people neglect to take risks; comfort.
People are comfortable where they are at. They can get stuck in mediocrity simply because of how easy it is. They are working at a cushy job in which they don’t take risks or make big decisions. They don’t leave their city or town and venture out into the rest of the world. They settle down with the first person that shows interest.
I heard this great analogy of a plant. A plant can survive wherever it grows, at least for a while. And maybe it is not the most nourishing and optimal environment, but for that plant, it is easier to survive in a barren, desolate environment than to uproot and venture into the unknown where there could be more rainfall and nourishing soil.
And just like a plant that lives where there is little rainfall, you can still survive in a mediocre reality. But as a person who is always trying to bring more enrichment into his life, I have a hard time NOT TRYING to better my life and the lives of others in some way. I feel there is always room to grow, improve, and bring to life a dream that starts in the mind and is manifested into a reality. This is part of purpose and part of moving towards an optimal reality-a heaven on earth.
So right now take one small step towards doing something you’ve always wanted to do. Do one thing everyday that scares you and challenges you. Make each and every day as if it were your last day to do something excellent!
I just found a comment and response between a visitor and Mason that I feel a lot of guys can identify with and benefit from. Check it.
Visitor writes in response to our interview series…
The system is fuckin genious man, much respect for the whole group and the project. but how can you keep your mind more occupied and constantly add subtance onto what you got already? picking up where u left off? Good Conversations are the most important aspect in relationships but can get really boring after a while once they run through the same routine and same shit but different story. sometimes its difficult to stay unpredictable. but what is the best way to get in touch and grasp on to lead conversations and be more outgoing to build stronger interest within yourself and the crowd? its the conversations and topics of interest that are brought up with confidence in everything else. i just hate when you talk for a few hours and there is nothing else to say anymore. it gets ridiculous when you get into that akward vibe of silence when everything is said and done. how do u keep your mind running and move forward beyond that point when u feel like uve already been though it all? what keeps things interesting besides suprises and new events? the mindset from sunrise to sunset? it never ends. what keeps life from getting boring and unattractive besides new things? it takes its effect on everything else we do. what r u supposed to do when silence takes its toll on your mind over the phone? the ice needs to be broken n i need some desperate help man. no shame at all.
Mason’s response:
First off, thank you for the compliments to what we’re doing here at attractology.com. You touch on an area that so many people run into. I’ve run into it, my colleagues have run into it, in fact, I would be surprised if anybody that’s joined the dating world has not been bombarded with this same dilemma at least one time.
You’ve come to the right place with your questions. If I’m not mistaken, you want to know how to keep this forward moving momentum without letting it slip/fade away in conversations, and simply in general. I mean, ultimately, and this is the nature of many people’s lives, is that a lot of people are on top one day, and are way down at the bottom the next and they have no answer for this!
You mention conversational momentum; that it seems to fade and become boring and mundane. Mr. Min, there are methods that you can learn to keep a conversation flowing from one subject to the next, there’s something called THREADING conversations (having multiple stories and finding a way to connect them) BUT this is not what I believe you want, at least not as a final goal. I believe that you want to be able to have a conversation move effortlessly, without thought, without worrying about “oh she’s getting bored, I’m getting bored, what should I do now!” and when you hang up the phone or kiss her goodbye, you want to be able to say to yourself, “wow that conversation felt perfect, did that just happen?”
The trick is finding that ATTRACTIVE niche in the lifestyle that you already live, and bringing it out as often as you can! You want to learn how to tap into this ATTRACTIVE ZONE that is completely you.
You can learn routine after routine after routine, and find success with women, but you will not find fluidity in the attraction process, you will not find grace, and most importantly, you will not find what I believe the reason (the holy grail) of what most people join this community to seek, and that is finding natural chemistry with a woman.
Fluidity, grace, and natural chemistry are by-products of living an attractive lifestyle. You won’t run out of things to say, or things to do because your thought process will not be fighting ideas that come to your head, they will simply accept them or let them pass by, and this is something that takes time, effort, and is possible for any person to achieve.
Briddick is going to either write an article or post a video in the next few weeks on how to tap into what we call the “FLOW STATE” which is a beautiful starting point for learning how to get out of your head, and into the moment!
If you have any more questions, you can email me at mason@attractology.com, and I’m also available for consultation.
~Hope this helps
