Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’  and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.

This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.

Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.

So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.

Theory behind the EDR Technique:

The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.

With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.

The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.

Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.

Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:

Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.

Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.

You want to use something more simple and direct such as:

“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.

Or

“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.

Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:

“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.

While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.

Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:

“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.

Or

“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.

From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.

Benefits of The EDR Technique:

Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:

1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.

2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.

3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.

4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.

5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.

Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!

Until Next Time….

Question: Hey Briddick ,first off  thanks for your great advice. I called her and set up the first date in a cafe. Now to my questions: what

should I do to keep this spark sizzling as far as the first date is concerned? In other words, what would be the best plan for the first date?

Answer:  The first date is going to be the ice breaker.  It’s where you both get to feel one another out. My suggestion is this
1) Don’t put any expectations on the outcome.  It can be easy to play out in your head the date going a certain way and if it doesn’t, you could get discouraged and thrown off.  That being said, make a promise to yourself that no matter how she acts you’re going to have fun.  This is so important.  Woman want a guy who’s FUN! And also, if she throws a curveball (which probably won’t happen)  you’ll be ready and be able to adapt accordingly.

2) Don’t try to impress her.  She’s already agreed to go on a date with you which means she already has some initial interest in you.  A lot of men try too hard to say the right things.  Just be yourself and don’t worry if you say something uncool or goofy. Your natural uninhibited self is your best self

3)Have a couple of stories you can relate to and talk about. What do you like to do?  What interesting things can you talk about in your life.  If often quiet and tend to run out of things to say with people spend a half hour before the date just talking out loud.  Read a book. Sing a song.  Get out of your head and become comfortable articulating your thoughts and speaking about your life.

4) Ask interesting questions.  As it’s a first date you’re probably going to get the run of the mill (what do you do?  where are you from?) interview type questions.  It’s inevitable. But try mixing it up as well and dig deeper by asking “how did it make you feel when….)  or what was it like when X? Good questions can open the conversation flood gates and allow to really get to KNOW someone.

5) Listen to her.  Don’t just pretend to listen.  Actually hear what she has to say, understand where’s coming from and try to feel what she feels when she’s speaking.  Empathy allows you to connect with another person on a very intimate leve.  From her listening ask relevant questions (ie omg what was the like? Was it hard for you when you ____) etc

6) Make good eye contact.  The window to the soul is in the eyes.  When speaking and listening don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a little bit longer than normal. Believe it or not,  attraction alone can be generated from making the right kind of eye contact.

7) Dress to impress.  Don’t wear something you wouldn’t normally wear.  But sport your finest threads.  All the little things make a difference.  This also includes grooming- shower, floss, teeth, hair, etc.  You want to take care of everything that is in your control and how you look is 100% in your hands.

Cheers,

Briddick

Flirt with the right body language

Flirt by being playful

Flirt with the tease

Flirt with the ‘wrong response’

Flirt with misinterpretation

Flirt with touch

 A question I get from a lot of people is “so do you just teach guys how to pick up women?”  and always I answer plainly and honestly: NO.  See, being an attractive person is so much more than just men picking up women or women picking up men.  An attractive person is someone who welcomes abundance into their life and as a byproduct of that comes more enriching relationships, more financial success and anything else that makes your life good. And it’s funny because when I first started studying this stuff a few years back I thought that meeting women and having ‘intimate’  relationships was the answer to everything.  And once I got those things on a consistent basis, I recognized that alone picking up a woman can be very empty, shallow and unfulfilling.  And the more I tried to convince myself that of the opposite, the more I was left unsatisfied.  Now, I still enjoy intimacy and relationships but the way I look at it is very different than I once did.  

Love the Moment

Be a Giver

Along the same lines as loving the moment, an attractive person is also a giver.  When you love yourself, you are at ease with the moment and your relationship to the world, you naturally give to others in all types of forms.  It can be a compliment, a favor or even just a smile but whatever it is, your core motivation always dwells in a place of non-neediness.  In other words, you give selflessly without expecting anything in return.  And there’s a huge distinction because a lot of people give but inside expect to get the world back.  They are playing for a transaction rather than a gift.  A great example is a guy who takes a women out on an extravagant date, pays for everything, showers her with compliments yet on a deeper level he’s doing it because he wants her to like him.  This is possibly the most common mistake ‘nice guys’  make yet it’s never their niceness that’s the problem, it’s the neediness.   Woman can smell it a mile away and it stinks. However when you give selflessly, not expecting anything back, the world always manifests a way to repay you whether that payment is intrinsic or not. So be that guy who gives value to people without expecting to get anything back. 

Be Active

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I’ve been thinking about an interesting concept the last couple of weeks and it’s the barrier that stands between two people who have never met before.  When around friends we’re all social, talkative and can cut loose but for one reason or another in the presence of a stranger, we close ourselves off.  I can think of a couple reasons why we do this. 

Distraction

The first reason that comes to mind for me is distraction. During the day when we’re out we have things to do, a place to be and a time to be there by. Our daily missions and objectives come with heavy time constraints and rarely revolve around making friends or socializing.  For example, we go to a grocery store to get groceries to make dinner or go to the gym to workout.  We go to clothing store to buy clothes and all of this has to be done before 4pm! We are also heavily distracted by technology. Cell phones and mobile internet may be the greatest inventions of the 21st Century that can connect us in cyberspace, but they also draw us away from the ‘real world.’  A call here, a text there and an ever so often Facebook can chip hours away that could have been spent in the ‘real world’. 

Trust

The second and most important reason for the separation of two strangers is trust. With so many lunatics, perverts and crazies out there it can be really hard to tell who’s a good guy and who’s a not so good guy.  And seeing men have the physical edge, women have to be extra cautious. One place you can actively witness the weariness of females is in nightclubs and bars. The combination of alcohol, pent up horniness and dolled up women makes for a unique arena. 

In bars and nightclubs there is usually a high density of guys who have the same intention; pick up a woman. So it should come as no surprise that women in these places get hit on A LOT!  And every time a new guy approaches, his intentions become increasingly more visible and predictable and as a consequence, women are forced to be put up a wall that screens for any horny, houndish ‘guy’ behavior.  When guys act like this there will be an immiedate disconnect between them and her, the creeper radar has been alerted and responds with the fastest, most efficient way of getting him to leave usually involving her being having to be rude for the guy to get the clue.  Hey, she’s tried being nice and subtly showing disinterest before but that didn’t work.  Finally she realized the only way to remove themselves from this uncomfortable situation was to say something blunt enough to get him to leave. The problem is this wall also screens out a lot of good guys with good intentions who just don’t know how to connect with a woman. 

So how to connect and bring down the trust barrier. Knowing what you’ve just read, the answer should seem relatively simple. Be completely non-threatening. You have to NOT have an ulterior motive to pick her up. Firstly, this means recognizing the insignificance and natural process of sex.  Sex is natural and with the right person can be pure bliss but it’s not the end all and be all of life.  To pursue it as something greater than everything else is not only counterproductive in attracting women. Recognize this and you eliminate any need to get something from her.

The next thing that will help you lower the trust barrier is to assume everyone is already your friend and wants to meet you. Have a core intent to BE SOCIAL. We were designed to be social. By going out and simply talking to everyone you see, not as means to get something from them but just out of genuine curiosity, they will naturally be more receptive. And the only way I can really explain this is that when you have an underlying motivation or intention that is non needy, that isn’t trying to get something, people pick up on that energy and it naturally makes them more comfortable. They see it as it is, genuine sincerity and authenticity.  And I really learned from a good friend who would NEVER ‘try’ to pick up women but would talk to just about every man and women in the club and never once get rejected or told to leave.  And it was because of this idea of not having an ulterior motive, not having a need-laden intention that enabled instant trust with any person he came in contact with. 

Additional random thoughts that didn’t make it into this post…

*-You might wonder why women put up with the bar and clubs in the first place? Why go out to these “meat markets?” And the answer is attention. When you’re going to these places and receiving a ton attention and compliments from people, it’s extremely validating. You feel sexy when you know other people think you’re sexy. And even though a women may not be interested in ‘hooking up’ or meeting any man that night, the attention will keep bringing her back.*

*Have you ever noticed that as soon as you become introduced to someone either by a friend or acquaintance, it becomes easy to have a friendly, casual conversation?  It’s like that mutual contact, no matter what the relationship is, lowers that barrier to where the third party always feel comfortable talking to you. And really, this is how most couples meet; through mutual friends.  But in meeting women, relying solely on who you know and who your friends know can be incredibly limiting.*

Nearly all of television portrays attraction between men and women. It is part of human interaction. The problem is often times actors give us a skewed, unrealistic perception of how it happens between men and women when we watch it. The scary thing is we have all been at least a little conditioned through sitcoms, films, soap operas and even the not-so-real reality tv. Most times we don’t realize it.

I have always watched loads of tv and movies, ever since I was little  I was forming my thoughts on the world and relationships based on watching media. And for the most part, I think it was a hindrance for my game. Think about all those movies where the quiet, shy, yet uniquely cool guy pines after some gorgeous girl and after some conflict usually involving another douche bag, she comes around and they fall in love. Almost like a fairy tale. Because I could identify with ‘that’ guy, which I think a lot of guys can, I thought that if I just kept being him, that it would just work out. But in real life it rarely ever ends this way. Unless that guy decides to learn about women, attraction, body language, he will enjoy the same level of success he always has.

Which illustrates an important point about whatever you have in life. You cannot expect things to change for the better if you are not making an effort to change them. Being shy, quiet but uniquely cute is not an effective strategy to meet women. I wish it were! I would have had much more success throughout my teens and early 20s. But it’s just not how it works in real life! Hoping and praying are all fine and good..but if you truly want something, have to make it happen.

Another unrealistic thing I often observe in films is that I see in a lot movies that don’t realistically portray the approaches. Often in film, when men go and approach women for whatever reason, the womens is already displaying receptive body language as if she is already into him. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally this will happen granted you have near flawless body language and good looks. But for the rest of us, it doesn’t happen this ideally. We have to display some value. We have to take advantage of our communication skills a bit more. James Bond movies are renowned for doing this. James will catch a beautiful women staring at him, he walks over to her and coyly whispers something sexual in her ear and from then on she is all over him. As I said before, it can happen like this, but rarely is does attraction happen so smoothly.

Although most are bad and don’t represent reality, there are a couple movies that I feel do paint a more realistic picture. If you watch Wedding Crashers, Both Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn use something as close to classic textbook game as I have ever seen on the big screen. In the beginning in particular watch how Vince Vaughn goes from Demonstrating Value by doing balloon tricks for the kids to dancing with his ‘target’ girl. To which then he isolates her and builds a sense of connection talking about the philosophy of connectedness to which then he takes it physical. All of this is of course is done in a hilarious way but it portrays what I think of as a more accurate, proactive depiction of attraction. Another great movie to see is Don Juan Demarco. Johnny Depp creates a marvelous, seductive character that truly sees the beauty in all women. When you watch this one, observe his usage of imagery in how he describes the world and more importantly how he describes it to women. It’s excellent stuff. Another good one to check out is the most recent remake of Alfie featuring Jude Law. Law emanates a natural charisma in this movie that is believable and as you watch, gets him many many women. Top Gun is another great movie to watch. Observe the sexual tension between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with watching films and tv even if they portray an inaccurate picture of how it happens in the real world. Just make sure to recognize IT ISN’T REAL, and for the most part doesn’t represent reality. It’s time we reprogram the way we think about attraction.

Recognition is the first step towards enlightenment

A question I am asked a lot is “How can I tell when a girl is interested in me?”. Sure, answers like “when you sense it” or “when you two have a connection” are vague and simple enough to appease most people, but lets break it down a little further.

First off, a good frame of mind is to assume she is always interested you. Not in a way that you are crossing boundaries or laying all your cards on the table, but having a confident mindset will work in your favor.

Physical Signs & Actions That She Might Be Interested

• She touches you
• She whispers something
• She tilts her head playfully
• She plays with her hair
• She laughs at your jokes
• She holds eye contact
• She asks you questions
• She is generally just more open to conversation

What to do when you get these signs?

Keep the conversation going; listen and respond to her. Mastering kino touch is essential. Know the difference between a sexual guy (good) and a horny guy (bad). A sexual guy isn’t afraid to talk about a sexual topic or make a joke – he calls an spade a spade – while a horny guy is needy of sex and actions are driven because of it. By having a good time, incorporating touch and giving her subtle signs you are interested too you will find yourself taking things further, more often.