Is it OK for Women to Ask Men Out?
On a First Date
What he’s thinking: (By Tyler)
Of course it’s OK for the girl to ask the guy out. This isn’t the 1950’s. However, there does need to be a protocol observed by both parties. Due to the natural wiring of a man, we are certified hunters, and need to be chasing for us to feel like we are being challenged enough. However, if a woman wants to ask a guy out, there are great ways to allow him to feel like you’re still a challenge, just make the guy feel like it is his idea. It’s kind of like the movie “Inception.” The great thing about it is that there is always an out. Guys know this first-hand. How many times have you heard “I have a boyfriend” from a girl? It’s a pretty standard response that women believe is a polite way to let a guy down if she’s not interested in going out with him. Well guys, don’t we have that same option?
I personally enjoy seeing some assertiveness from a woman. Knowing what you want in life is a trait of confidence, and seeking it, is an attractive quality. Unfortunately, some of the women out there have been conditioned to believe the man should make the first move, whether it is the first date, first kiss, first anything. In reality, a strong, confident man does not mind taking a back seat once in a while, and letting the woman drive. And that’s the kind of guy you’re looking for after all, isn’t it ladies?
What she thinks: (By Carina)
Though the Facebook poll blew my own personal opinion out of the water, I’m standing my ground. I’ve been called a traditionalist, and while I don’t subscribe to “the Rules,” I do believe that if a guy is interested in a woman, he will make the first move.
Though this topic is infinitely more complicated than the simple question, the bottom line is this: He won’t value his interest in you if you have to ask him out. You will be setting a precedent of being the one to lead the relationship, which can lead to complications further on. Think first kiss, first intimate moment, any relationship discussion that may or may not happen, etc. How things begin is often how they will continue.
It’s very similar to waiting for the first call or text. If you don’t hear from someone, it’s not because they lost your number or are simply having a busy week. It means that they are just not that into you.
Ladies, don’t you want a guy, don’t you deserve a guy, who would call, text or ask you out?
I’m not saying leave everything in the guy’s hands. As a woman, I think dropping a few obvious hints is more than appropriate. Let him know you are interested in him, not just for the evening but in the future. “I’ve never tried that restaurant, but have been meaning to…” “When so-and-so bartends they make the best (insert name of drink here), you have to try it sometime!” “I’m so curious about that new SAM exhibit. It’s supposed to open in a week.” … you get the idea. It’s OK to imply, but let him take it from there.
Second Date and Beyond
What he thinks:
This is wide open. After a few dates, I would personally be disappointed if the woman wasn’t setting up, asking, and delivering on a date of her planning. I want a woman to bring me into her world, just as much as she wants to be brought into mine. In fact, it’s a fantastic way for the man to get to know the woman better, as a simple date can give a lot of information about a person, especially in the early stages.
What she thinks:
Until you’ve established a mutual interest in dating and seeing each other on a regular basis, I think every date is just like the first date. As a woman you do have more room to be clearer and apparent in your interest of another date. Talk about “checking something out together” in future tense. But continue to allow him to suggest a specific time and place. You deserve to be pursued.
How do you feel about it? Feel free to leave us a comment!
Last week we explored How to Avoid the Player Vibe When Approaching Women and there was a routine mentioned called the Engage- Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique which can be used to avoid ‘hitting on her’ and instead allow you to just seem like a fun, attractive guy.
This week we will be further exploring the Engage-Disengage-Reengage Technique, the theory behind it, how it works and why it has been so successful for many Social Artists out there.
Before we begin, I would like to personally endorse the EDR Technique and state that I have been using it for the past two-three years with tremendous success. It not only is one of my most favorite ways of opening up to individuals/groups but it also completely eliminates the “he’s hitting on me” vibe most guys unconsciously put off when approaching women.
So with that said, let us begin to explore the Engage-Disengage-Reengage (EDR) Technique and the fundamentals behind it.
Theory behind the EDR Technique:
The theory behind the EDR Technique is the following: when you enter a club and notice a woman (or group of women), chances are that she is going to be there for at least the next thirty minutes. The reasoning behind that is because when people go out, they usually stay at one location for the evening or if they do leave/bounce, it will be to a venue walking distance from the first venue.
With that said, why rush the interaction right away? If you know you have 30 + minutes to re-engage, then take your time and don’t worry about having to go through the whole social interaction process at one time; Break it up into pieces.
The key is to set up the field/venue from the minute you walk into the door by engaging as many groups as you can, this not only raises your social value but also give you multiple individuals/groups to pick from later.
Then you want to dis-engage them instantly by being the first to walk away from them to go see your other friend in the club. Do not be scared that you lost the girl/group because thirty minutes into the evening, you have your choice of sets to re-engage without coming off as a threat and you can pick and choose who YOU you’d to chat with.
Breakdown of the Engage / Dis-Engage / Re-Engage Technique:
Step 1 Engaging: Opening up as many sets as possible using a 5-second rule, ONLY opening…no hooks, no closes. Expecting NOTHING out of the initial interaction except having your presence felt.
Now when I say open, I do not mean using an opinion opener or “5-oceans” type opener.
You want to use something more simple and direct such as:
“You ladies have a fun night tonight (smiling)” – as you walk by them, raising your hand to give them a high-5, stop for a second to get a response from her (which is usually a simple High 5 back) and proceed to step 2.
“Hey, I just wanna say…I really like your dress” – as you continue to walk by (Showing no interest- only complimenting her- nothing wrong with complimenting a girl) and then stop for a second (where she will usually say “Thank you”) and process to step 2.
Step 2 Dis-engaging: Tell the girl/group:
“Okay I need to go back to my friends but if you see me around later tonight then you better not be shy… I’mma expect a hug out of you!” (Smiling) as you roll off and are leaving the girl/group.
While most techniques teach us to open a set and stay in it as long as possible, the EDR Technique is unique in the sense that the main element is the fact that you have the ability to confidently walk away from a beautiful girl without worrying about missing out on an opportunity.
Step 3 Re-engaging: Re-open the girl/group later on in the evening by walking by them and simply saying:
“Its you again….where’s my hug?!?!!” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug; Do Not doubt yourself – she will give you a hug if you convey a sense of confidence and you did Step One properly. From there you can continue with a disqualifier or routine of your choice.
“Heyyy I remember you!! So how’s the evening going?!?! Having fun?!?” (Smiling) as you hold your arm out expecting your hug. Once again, Do not doubt yourself- she will give you a hug.
From there you can continue your conversation with the girl/group and chances are they will be comfortable with you after talking to you multiple times that night already.
Benefits of The EDR Technique:
Not only does this routine work, it teaches us:
1) To open without the pressure of keeping the conversation going.
2) The ability to leave the set before she leaves the set.
3) Re-engaging later, getting a hug and being able to throw a hook the second time around.
4) Since you did not hit on them the first time, then the second time you met them, you will come off as non-threatening and it should be easier to use some hooks, routines, and so forth.
5) By instantly opening as many groups as possible when you first enter a venue, you are raising your value as well as giving you options to choose from rather then being stuck only in specific groups that you’ve opened and stayed in.
Try it out in the field and have fun with it…It works!
Until Next Time….
What’s up guys! So I was listening to some of Eben Pagan’s audio tapes this weekend and he brought up this really great point of creating some
form of content every single day. So what I’ve decided to do is to do a little blog every morning. This will be all free writing with an occasional edit as my ADD addled brain can get off on some pretty crazy tangents but here goes. Lately, I can’t help but feel there is one thing that separates the wheat from the chaff when it comes to success with women, money, and overall abundance.
This one thing isn’t hard to do. In fact, it’s relatively easy but for a lot of us, we can’t do it! What is it you ask? Taking some form of action. Putting your feet in motion and doing what it is you most you fear. You see that sexy blonde walking into Starbucks and really you only have two options; you can recede to the editorial in your head and say “I should go talk to her” or before you get a chance to think about the possible outcomes, you open your mouth and say “hello.” Now, how many times have you taken the latter route? How many times have you seen something or someone that made you want to take action but you receded to your mind instead? I know I’ve done it more than a few times. Hell, I even still do it now and again.
The power of your mind can dicate what you do and do not do! The good news is, there’s always an opportunity to take action every single day. You aren’t an eternal wussy. You aren’t any (insert self defeating noun). Those are only words your ego’s used to identify with. But they they sure as hell are not you. More so, you’re a product of habit. Your thinking, behavior, success and non-success is purely driven by the subtle day to day habits you engage in. That’s brilliant news. Because that means the more you approach women, the easier it will be to approach women.
The more you’re able to show a woman who you really are without putting on a self-censored, superficial cool, the more natural it will become to create an emotional connection. It’s all habit. Not a genetic trait. Not something you are eternally bound by or not. So, that being said, I’ve got one task for you today. I want you to approach at least three people today and simpy start a conversation with “hello.” If that’s all you say, that’s fine. But start today building the habit of action. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with that then! Until next time,
Cheers to the good life!
I’m fascinated with marketing and I feel lucky to be doing something I really enjoy. Lately I’ve been watching Eben Pagan’s (David DeAngelo) Get Altitude program for entrepreneurs.
I personally find a lot of parallels between the sales / marketing world and the attraction / seduction world.
As I watched one of the videos today something dawned on me. Eban brings up a study by a university that examined the factors of success by looking at the commonalities of top sales people. You can watch the video yourself but I’ll spoil it anyways. The number one commonality between all these successful salespeople was their speed of implementation. Speed of implementation is the time is takes between hearing about an idea to acting on an idea.
Researchers found that the most successful businesses and salespeople were regularly putting ideas into action immediately. Their speed of implementation was faster.
This mindset of implementing ideas faster in my own life feels somewhat counter-intuitive. The voice in my head says “lets think about this”, “lets weigh out pros and cons, make a list of benefits and side effects”, “let me run this idea past 2 or 3 of my friends to see what they say”. And then usually through deliberation and backwards rationalization the idea fizzles and never gets implemented.
What does this mean for creating attraction and meeting beautiful women?
A mindset focused on speed of implementation shoves a lot of the logic to the side – You know, the times when you are in your head and rationalizing with yourself that she probably has a boyfriend and you shouldn’t talk to her (or any other excuse). This is your mind coming up with a reason for not approaching or doing something that you know you really should be doing.
The mindset of implementing ideas faster is useful to overcome approach anxiety and encourage spontaneous behavior. Being spontaneous keeps life fresh and will have a lot of positive side effects. A good motto I like to say is “plan big and adapt”. The next time you are presented with an opportunity or an idea that can take you to the next level – even if it’s a little out of your comfort zone – take action!
Complete 60 video playlist.