Set Your Goals

In recent years, I’ve found goal setting to be one of the most productive activities you can do for yourself. In my experience, rather than rattle off thirty things you think you want, start with a single word.  What would you like to embody in 2010?  What’s your 2010 theme?  In terms of myself, I chose the word ‘give’ because I want to make this year about giving as much possible to the people who come into my life.  From there, apply it to every facet of your life especially in the places where you could use improvement.  What are you financial goals for 2010?  What are your health goals of 2010?  What are your spiritual goals of 2010?  What are your love life goals of 2010?  Write them down, print them out and share them with everyone. As Robert Cialdini writes in Influence, we as people want to appear as committed and as consistent as possible.  By sharing your goals with the world, you go the extra lengths to reach the finish line.

Love Your Body (by treating it right)

Love your frigging body.  That’s right, every wrinkle and roll, birth mark and receding hair line should be treated as your best friend. This sounds absurd I know, but only when you truly start to love your body do you actually take the time to nourish, restore, and take care of it.  How you physically look and feel is up to you. It’s all decisions.  What to put in your body, how often you work out, even how you hold yourself is controlled by your thinking.  Yes, you should eat healthy!  Yes, you should work out on a regular basis!  But if the same patterns have been repeating themselves year after year, it’s time to change the way you look by first changing the way you think. In 2010, it’s time to love your body! If you got it flaunt it and if you don’t, flaunt that too.

Learn a New Skill

Whether it’s something you’ve carried on from 2009 or something new altogether, decide on something you’d like to delve into for the new year. New skills are essential for a balanced life and if you aren’t learning something, it becomes impossible to improve. I’m reminded of the time I shattered my leg in a soccer game, which left me bitter and immobilized for a good three weeks until I finally decided to pick up the guitar.  Today, five years later, playing the guitar has become one of my most cherished pastimes. One of the perks of taking on a new skill is that it opens new doors and often takes you down a path you haven’t yet traveled. New friends, comies, tamunitlents and life callings can all emerge from taking on something new.

Side Note:   I highly recommend the book Mastery by George Leonard which breaks down the essentials for mastering anything you do in life.

Take Big Actions

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of doing something big.  Whether that be organizing a fundraiser for AIDS, traveling to Asia, skydiving, writing a book or even putting together a book club, do something that you know will test the boundaries of your comfort zone and ultimately make you a better person.  This can vary from person to person and only you can know what your boundaries are. The best way to start this process is to put together a list of things you want to do before you die.  Don’t be afraid to let your imagination go wild.  Often times the craziest, most outlandish things can be accomplished when you make a commitment to go for it.  I remember my first time traveling to Central America by myself thinking ‘what the hell am I doing?’ only to return a changed person with a new perspective on life (not to mention an endless obsession with traveling).  Life is meant to be lived, so live it to the fullest.

Build Key Relationships

You become who you associate with for better or worse. A famous quote once said “eagles will soar with other eagles while chickens will scavenge the ground with other chickens for scraps.”  Our habits, thoughts and emotional energies are highly susceptible to the influences of those around us. Hence the reason the rich (in material and spirit) hang out with the rich and the poor with the poor. If we’re to succeed in 2010, we need to to be around people who will challenge us, keep us accountable and ultimately make us smile. A good start is connecting up with people you admire or you aspire to be like.  If you think they’re out of reach, think again. Almost everyone I’ve contacted who I assumed was too big time for me, was happy to connect with a like mind.  The biggest challenge is picking up the phone and dialing. So if you’ve got fingers and a voice, start making key contacts in 2010.

Live Spiritually

Whether you follow a specific religion or you simply enjoy spending time out in nature it’s important to have purpose in your life and feel connected to the rest of the world. Studies show people who engage in some form of spiritual activity rate themselves as significantly happier and more fulfilled than those who are not.  A common misconception is that you must be religious to be spiritual and this is completely false.  Spirituality is a relationship between yourself and the rest of the world, religion is simply the backstory.  Depending on what you’d like to accomplish and how you’d like to do it, there are endless ways to engage in spiritual ritual.  As I cannot appeal to everyone I’ll simply suggest what I do;  meditate for 15 minutes a day and reflect daily for what I’m thankful for. That’s it folks!  Clearing the mind always shows you what’s important in life and allows you to act from a place of love and gratitude rather than bitterness and contempt.

Hustle Hard, Play Hard

Whatever you’re doing, doing it 110%.  I know I sound like your high school gym coach but this is a biggie. Working hard and playing hard is nothing more than immersing all of yourself into what you’re doing in that particular moment.  Where people often struggle is that gray area where they’re working but they’re thinking about what it would be like to be sipping Mai Tais on the beach.  As a result there work ethic struggles.  The opposite is common as well where someone who’s life has revolved around working, takes a vacation and can only think about what they need to get done when they work.  This gray zone is never enjoyable because it is alway trying to escape what’s happening right now. Through obsessing about the future or dwelling over the past, it’s impossible to live fully.  Fortunately, the cure is simple; engage yourself fully in whatever you’re doing whether it be grinding out this quarters financials or lounging in a hammock off the coast of Panama!

Lets face it, first dates can be scary. The good news is that there are variety of things you can do to make a first date go smoothly. There are also a few things to avoid doing! There’s nothing worse than accidentally sending the wrong signals when it’s someone you really like!

What’s up guys (and ladies), you know it’s funny when we started this site about 95%  of our visitors were men but now we are getting more and more females which goes to show how much this stuff is relevant to both sexes.  What dating, relationship, and confidence issues men go through, women  go through as well, just in a slightly different way.  That being said, the topic that I want to talk about today applies just as much to women as it does  for men; sex.  And more importantly when to have it.

Now, if you’re a long time veteran in the dating advice community, you’ll recognize there is a lot of different advice out there.  Some schools of thought teach men to have sex with a woman as quickly as possible to solidify their role as the alpha dog.  Other schools of thought including our good friend Marni from DWD teach their students to wait up to 60 days before having sex with a person.  Now, I’m not going to give a specific timeline as to which of these is better.  In my opinion, these are both extremes. And really, when you have sex boils down to what you’re looking for and that particular relationship.  However, keep in mind sex is the most intimate act two people can participate in and the time frame that it happens in can dictate the terms of the relationship.

For example, let’s say you go out to the bar, have a few drinks, meet a sexy brunette and the two of you completely hit it off!  So much that you end up going home together and having sex.  The relationship you’ve developed with this person will have been built purely on appearances and the influence of booze  leaving to rest the emotional connection and trust needed for romantic intimacy.  While your post coitus may make you crave a sandwich, women are  instantly reminded of this lacking, creating discomfort and even the occasional awkwardness.  Damn oxytocin! Additionally, you could find when you try to reconnect with this woman she’s reluctant to see you.  ”Does he just want to have sex with me?  Will it be awkward when I see him?” are common questions running through a woman’s head when she’s rushed a  sexual relationship with a guy and now he’s trying to hang out again.  So you can see, having sex too soon can be a bad thing.

On the other side of the coin, waiting months to get physical with someone can also not be good.  Too much of an emotional relationship without the physical and you’re in store for a new BFF!  This is where a lot of guys get hung up in that they enjoy hanging out with a woman but they don’t want to ruin it by making a move.  Really, by not making a move they are slowing ruining it for themselves.  Ideally, romantic intimacy is built when both the emotional and physical connection are aligned and on the same track!  And after the trust, emotional understanding and boundaries are developed then have sex. Generally this happens on date 3 or 4 but when you’re dealing with attraction, dating, and  social dynamics, every rule is meant to be broken.

Read more about topic in Foundations

As a side note, recognize I’m no saint in this area and have been on both sides of the spectrum of not waiting long enough and waiting too long to where something platonic has developed.   I don’t want to appear as preachy or like I’m infallible or above anyone because I am definitely not and have made just as many (if not more) mistakes as the next person. But as a human being,  all we can do is try to implement what we feel is right today.  When tomorrow comes, we’ll deal with that then.  Until next time,

Cheers,

Briddick

p.s I’d love to hear what you guys think about this topic.  Most everyone has had some experience here. So let’s hear it!

What’s up guys!  So I was listening to some of Eben Pagan’s audio tapes this weekend and he brought up this really great point of creating some

form of content every single day.  So what I’ve decided to do is to do a little blog every morning.  This will be all free writing with an occasional edit as my ADD addled brain can get off on some pretty crazy  tangents but here goes.  Lately, I can’t help but feel there is one thing that separates the wheat from the chaff when it comes to success with women, money, and overall  abundance.

This one thing isn’t hard to do. In fact, it’s relatively easy but for a lot of us, we can’t do it!  What is it you ask?  Taking some form of action.  Putting your feet in motion and doing what it is you most you fear.  You see that sexy blonde walking into Starbucks and really you only have two options;  you can recede to the editorial in your head and say “I should go talk to her”  or before you get a chance to think about the possible

outcomes, you open your mouth and say “hello.”  Now, how many times have you taken the latter route? How many times have you seen something or someone that made you want to take action but you receded to your mind instead?  I know I’ve done it more than a few times.  Hell, I even still do it now and again.

The power of your mind can dicate what you do and do not do! The good news is, there’s always an opportunity to take action every single day.  You aren’t an eternal wussy.  You aren’t any (insert self defeating noun). Those are only words your ego’s used to identify with.  But they they sure as hell are not you. More so, you’re a product of habit. Your thinking, behavior, success and non success is purely driven by the subtle day to day habits you engage in. That’s brilliant news.  Because that means the more you approach woman, the easier it will be to approach women.

The more you’re able to show a woman who you really are without putting on a self censored, superficial cool, the more natural it will become to create an emotional connection. It’s all habit.  Not a genetic trait.  Not something you are eternally bound by or not.  So, that being said, I’ve got one task for you today.  I want you to approach at least three people today and simpy start a conversation with “hello.”  If that’s all you say, that’s fine.  But start today building the habit of action.  Tomorrow, we’ll deal with that then!  Until next time,

Cheers to the good life,

Briddick

Guest blogger:  Marni Battista

site: Dating With Dignity

Have you seen the movie that is currently in release called, “The Invention of Lying?” I saw it last week with Jem and, coincidently, the question of honesty, and “what is the truth,” has been coming up for many Dating With Dignity clients. How honest should you be? Should you disclose everything? If so, when? When it’s “not a match,” should you tell why?

First off, most men and women will say that they want a partner who is honest. In fact, when my clients are creating lists of values they hold as important for themselves and others, honesty ranks in the top five of “must-have’s.” In digging deeper, we typically discuss what honesty looks like to them. Yes, while it seems obvious that honesty is not up for discussion or debate, there are certain situations we discuss in which it might not be necessary or appropriate to tell the absolute truth.

1. How many lovers have you had in the past?

When it comes to kiss and tell, discussing your past is not necessary. The past is done, and for most of us it bares no reflection of who we have are now. If you feel that you must know about your partner’s sexual past, ask yourself why it is important? Do you hold judgements that impact your ability to see a potential partner for who they are now? Or, are you holding on to shame or labels from your past? If so, are you projecting these feelings you have about yourself onto someone else? To be a successful dater, you must ensure you don’t bring your past into the present by unconsciously treating someone new as if he or she were all the “bad” men and/or women from your past. If you feel you must know, do not bring up the subject for at least six months into your relationship. This way, both of you know each other quite well and will be able to put information from the past into proper context.

2. When do I discuss STDs?

If you have an STD, it is important that you are honest with your partner, when it becomes appropriate and necessary to discuss these issues. Clearly, the topic of sexually transmitted disease is not first date fodder. In fact, do not discuss STD’s until you are dating someone and both of you have agreed that the relationship holds potential for becoming monogamous. Make sure you have this conversation vertical and clothed. It is not something best brought up or discussed in the heat of passion.

3. Are you dating other people?

In the 21st century both men and women are dating, a lot. The internet, especially, has made it quite easy for both sexes to have multiple dates in one week. What happens, then, when there is someone with whom you have a connection and want to explore the possibility of relationship. When, if ever, do you let him or her know that you are still dating other people? If you begin to date this person consistently, he or she is someone with whom you would like to continue dating because there is long-term potential, and choose to have sex with him or her, the Dating With Dignity point of view is to make it clear (explicit) that you are still dating other people (if this is true). Typically, men may make the assumption a woman is not sleeping with others if she is having sex with him. If you are a man, and are still dating other people while dating this person, you must be honest, treat her with respect, and enable her to make an informed choice about how she wants to be in the relationship. Perhaps she won’t want to have sex with you if you are still dating others, regardless of whether or not you are having sex with any of the other people you are dating. You do not want this person to mistakenly assume that because you are intimate with each other you are no longer dating other people. Many women will assume that if they have been dating a man consistently and then choose to become intimate, the man is going to be exclusive. None of these assumptions can be made without having an honest discussion, preferably prior to having sex. Again, have this conversation while standing vertically and clothed.

4. If it’s not a match, should you make up an excuse as to why you don’t want to see this person again?

Using the words, “it’s not a match,” is a powerful way to politely disengage from someone with whom you are not interested in dating. Lying, neglect, or choosing to ignore phone calls and text messages are not appropriate if you are dating with dignity. If you are looking for someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then don’t play games. As one of the Dating With Dignity Man Panelists stated recently, “If you play games, then you leave us no choice but to do the same.” This holds true for both men and women. It’s the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have them do to you.” As you know, there is nothing worse then wondering why someone didn’t call when they said they would, questioning why he or she flakes repeatedly, or basing your expectations of a relationship’s potential based on false hopes or impressions. Be honest. Tell him or her that it’s not a match, and then create space for someone else to come into your life.

visit Marni’s website Dating With Dignity

Before facebook took away the admin rights to our ‘generic’  fan page LOVE, we asked our 140,000 fans where the craziest place they’ve had sex was.  We recieved nearly 800 responses!  Of those 800, here are what we feel are the top 10 craziest places that regular people have ventured into pleasure town.

1) In a church parking lot during the service. 

Let’s just hope that they didn’t use the Lord’s name in vain when they finished…

2) In a phonebooth on Mullholland Drive at midnight—the phone booth is long gone now!

I think they were practicing for the mile high club. Tight, public space where only the bold will go.

3)The top of a waterfall

I don’t really know how to picture this, but I imagine that it was cold, and frightening on the way down, hopefully it was a different story for the sex.

4) Inside a goodwill bin

I don’t even know what to say.  Congratulations, you’re in the top percent of people who are just downright horny!

5) On the monorail at DisneyWorld

I really hope this was legal.  Mickey mouse, you better keep your hands off those young girls!

6) A parade float

Sweet. 

7) In a horse pasture.

Nothing turns me on like the sweet smell of manure.  I don’t know about you, but one sniff and it’s six to midnight.

Sitting out on watch, in iraq, in a humvee

“You’ve got some serious thrill issues dude.”  - A quote from one of my favorites, Finding Nemo.

9) In the dj booth while spinning a show

I’m sure she said, “how long have you been DJing for?” And he replied, “This is my first time.  I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.”

10) In a bar with people watching.

That’s called being a whore.  But I won’t judge, that takes some serious balls, both figuratively and literally!

To see all 800 responses click here

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love/79116272995?v=feed&story_fbid=113967934383

Question: Hey Briddick ,first off  thanks for your great advice. I called her and set up the first date in a cafe. Now to my questions: what

should I do to keep this spark sizzling as far as the first date is concerned? In other words, what would be the best plan for the first date?

Answer:  The first date is going to be the ice breaker.  It’s where you both get to feel one another out. My suggestion is this
1) Don’t put any expectations on the outcome.  It can be easy to play out in your head the date going a certain way and if it doesn’t, you could get discouraged and thrown off.  That being said, make a promise to yourself that no matter how she acts you’re going to have fun.  This is so important.  Woman want a guy who’s FUN! And also, if she throws a curveball (which probably won’t happen)  you’ll be ready and be able to adapt accordingly.

2) Don’t try to impress her.  She’s already agreed to go on a date with you which means she already has some initial interest in you.  A lot of men try too hard to say the right things.  Just be yourself and don’t worry if you say something uncool or goofy. Your natural uninhibited self is your best self

3)Have a couple of stories you can relate to and talk about. What do you like to do?  What interesting things can you talk about in your life.  If often quiet and tend to run out of things to say with people spend a half hour before the date just talking out loud.  Read a book. Sing a song.  Get out of your head and become comfortable articulating your thoughts and speaking about your life.

4) Ask interesting questions.  As it’s a first date you’re probably going to get the run of the mill (what do you do?  where are you from?) interview type questions.  It’s inevitable. But try mixing it up as well and dig deeper by asking “how did it make you feel when….)  or what was it like when X? Good questions can open the conversation flood gates and allow to really get to KNOW someone.

5) Listen to her.  Don’t just pretend to listen.  Actually hear what she has to say, understand where’s coming from and try to feel what she feels when she’s speaking.  Empathy allows you to connect with another person on a very intimate leve.  From her listening ask relevant questions (ie omg what was the like? Was it hard for you when you ____) etc

6) Make good eye contact.  The window to the soul is in the eyes.  When speaking and listening don’t be afraid to hold her gaze just a little bit longer than normal. Believe it or not,  attraction alone can be generated from making the right kind of eye contact.

7) Dress to impress.  Don’t wear something you wouldn’t normally wear.  But sport your finest threads.  All the little things make a difference.  This also includes grooming- shower, floss, teeth, hair, etc.  You want to take care of everything that is in your control and how you look is 100% in your hands.

Cheers,

Briddick

Well guys, it’s been months in the making and I can finally say the fruits of our labor have paid off aka WE’VE FINISHED and released Foundations.  This is so incredible. You have no idea what this means to me.  Especially after spending thousands of hours working on this thing, I can finally say YES, it’s done.

The interesting thing is, I didn’t write this book for other people.  I wrote it for myself as an expression of what I’ve learned and gone through over the last few years.  I know guys are going to read this thing and go WOW, this is incredible, not because I’m showing them something they’ve never dealt with but rather because it explains thed WHY!  Why do some guys have a great deal of success with women while others do not? Why do women flock to men who are ALREADY surrounded by women?  Why and how do our thoughts determine real life outcomes?  These are all questions, I’ve pondered and can thankfully say UNDERSTAND and have HARNESSED.

But more importantly, and this is something you’ll learn if you haven’t already is that nothing is as powerful as giving value.   Our net worth is never determined by what we have but by what we can give.  And this is true in everything in life including attraction, relationships, finance, etc.  Though we’re charging for this book, I know the value exceeds the price ten fold.  We’re talking about some life changing ideas here!  Anyhow, check out the book.  Read a free chapter here.  If you enjoy it, then I guarentee you’ll like the book.

Cheers to the good life,

Briddick