Kino, the Art of Touch
Physical touch has always been a cornerstone in establishing connections among human beings. Whether it is something as simple as a handshake or much more intimate like sex, we humans love to touch each other.
In attracting women, touching is your strongest ally. Not only does it have the power to create sexually charged feelings for another person, it also has to the ability to create comfort.
A man who is comfortable with himself will throw an arm around his good friend. He kisses his mother on the cheek. He playfully touches women despite the length of time he has known them. It is all in a days play. Because he is comfortable touching, others feel comfortable around him. This confident man sets the tone for interactions and that tone always works in his favor for creating attraction with women.
How to Touch
Initial contact (first 3 seconds – 5 minutes)
The key to making first contact with women is to make it seem as non- threatening and non- sexual as possible. The last thing women want is a guy who is blatantly hitting on them and overstepping his physical boundaries. When first making a physical connection with a woman you want to start small. There are lots of natural ways to do this. You can give her a “High 5”. You can take her hand and spin her around. You can graze her arm as you talk to her. Just remember to never keep your hands in any one place on her for longer than a second or two. By putting your hand on her and keeping it there, she will start to take notice and wonder why you are keeping it there. It is as simple as that. So a rule of thumb for initial contact is always graze rather than park when touching.
NOTE: It should be obvious that appropriate kino is does not involve touching her inappropriately. This is a given. Break this rule and you may find yourself getting slapped or worse with a restraining order on your hands. Don’t do it in initial contact unless explicitly invited. Enough said.
Incorporating touch into everything you do. Remember, when you first meet a woman, her emotional and physical barriers are much higher than for someone she doesn’t know than for someone she has known for a longer time. However, that barrier can be practically demolished if you incorporate touch into everything you do. One way to do this and make it come off sincere and natural is to become physically animated with your words.
Allow Room For Your Stories To Become Interactive.
I went up to this guy (tap her on the shoulder). He turns around and I (put you hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes) say to him “how do I know you?” As it turned out I went to middle school with this guy and…
Yeah, my family is so fun and crazy; especially my aunt even though she’s a little off her rocker. Like when she comes to give my family hugs she goes like this (hug her) but she looks away like we are going make her sick or something. A hug should be a real hug like this (hug her). But like I said she is crazy!
Use her hand a piece of paper and your finger is the pen. Drawing something out a women’s hand is completely acceptable as long as it is appropriate in the conversation.
Her: Where are you from?
You: Let me see your hand
Her: (gives you her hand)
You: See we are right here (draw on her hand) and if you go north (still drawing), I live up here just south of Podunk Ville.
You can do this whenever you meet a girl. It is a great replacement for the common handshake
You: Do you know the secret Seattle handshake?
Her: No, what’s that?
You: Here (make up some goofy handshake that involves a hug, spin, hi-5, etc.)
Keep in mind physical touching is always escalating and advancing. Think of a woman as having an internal touch checklist. When a criteria is fulfilled, it is only natural to move on to the next criteria. And the next criteria is always slightly more intimate than the previous one. For instance after you have hugged her, held her hand, gotten her to kiss you on the cheek, it would only be natural to kiss her on the lips. However, if you neglected to engage in any of the initial touching, it would be much less natural to kiss her on the lips. And more than likely your efforts would get shot down. But if you start small and escalate slowly, the process will happen naturally.
Law of Reciprocation
There are certain forms of touching that call for touching in return. If I give a women a hug for example, she is more than likely to hug me back. In fact, it is more natural for her to hug me back and return the touch than for her to do nothing. By doing nothing, she appears squeamish and uncomfortable while you feel confident and comfortable. The same goes for an arm around someone. Whenever you put your arm around anyone, you will quickly find their arms around you as well. It is touch reciprocation.
Take note of this phenomena and keep in mind you want her touching you as much as possible. Or at least ‘wanting’ to touch you but we’ll cover that in a different section. The idea is to not only get her comfortable with you touching her but also get her comfortable with her touching you. The checklist goes both ways. Incoming touch and outgoing touch often go hand in hand but they are different
Statement of Interest Touching
Once you have reached the point where playful touching is comfortable and it is apparent she has some initial interest in you, you are going to do what’s called SOI is touching. The only difference between SOI touching and initial contact is that now you can let your touching linger a bit longer. That, and you can start throwing subtle sexual intent into you touching. For instance, you now can hold her hand and keep it there. You can kiss her on the lips. You can make out with her. You can do the things that basically let her know you are attracted towards her.
When you escalate to this point, all women will want to kiss you but a rare few aren’t comfortable with public displays of affection. Don’t take offense, this just means she needs a more private location for the kiss to take place.
Once your in the bedroom and things are starting to heat up, it always important to slowly advance. Whether advancing takes place over one night or over several makes no difference. The same types of situations will take place.
Tease touching is the best way to amp a women’s arousal level. The reason and purpose of tease touching can be summed up in one word “anticipation.“ Anticipation is the source at which a great deal of arousal is derived. Remember, once a fantasy becomes a reality, the novelty dissipates. Keeping anticipation for as long as possible is a way to get as close to the fantasy as possible without ever actually reaching it. Tease touching is doing nothing more just that. Tease touching is walking the line of erogenous zones aka her pleasure without crossing it.
An example is to very slowly caress a women’s naval and slip your fingers just beneath her belt line. And just when she starts to shudder with the excitement, you slowly move you hand back towards her naval. The next time you go a bit further and then pull back. You are going to keep doing this until you’re having sex with her or until you choose to stop. Keep in mind, the harder you make her work and longer you make her wait, the better it will be. Up until the point you are having sex, you are only giving her just below what she wants. Do this right and you’ll find her tearing your clothes off trying to have sex with you within 15 minutes. But as mentioned before, the longer you make her wait, the greater the tension and eventually the ‘release.’
Women want a man, not a boy or a woman. They want a man who is willing to take control. She will enjoy a bit of physical dominance and passion from you. Holding her arms back while you passionately kiss her is a good example of being dominant and aggressive. In fact many of women’s ideal sexual fantasies include the man being dominant and aggressive in some way or another. Keep in mind, you should not go against a women’s will. If she says stop, do so immediately or you could find yourself facing a rape charge. On end note, aggression in the sexual escalation is often a great thing. But as I mentioned before, both people have to be on board.
For our secret ‘cutting edge’ techniques on touching you’ll have to check out our book Foundations