Unlocking Your Identity
Every person on this planet has an identity. They have a specific set of core beliefs that determine their decision making and ultimately determines the path they embark on in their lives. If we are to elaborate on exactly what determines this identity, we must look at how an identity is created.
The second we enter the world, we are learning about ourselves and our interaction on the rest of the world. As we mature into adulthood we are forced to shed our egocentric belief systems namely the world revolves around us. We adopt a more realistic perspective having the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.
Why this happens is irrelevant. It could be an evolutionary adaptation that enables us to live harmoniously with others. It could be a psychological maturation. It doesn’t matter though.
What does matter is that as an adult we have had enough experience to solidify our expectations of the world. And through watching the world and our interaction with it, we have developed a set of beliefs, a set of principles to live by. An internal code of conduct, that is completely unique. This code of conduct that resides inside of us tells how to act and behave in any situation. It tells us how much value or importance we should put in other people. It tells us how we should deal with every type of situation.
And the interesting thing is that we must act in accordance with our own internal code of conduct. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have a completely solidified identity. We don’t have complete boundaries in our life and thus we don‘t know how to act in every situation. We have more liquid boundaries that are vulnerable to change in the environment.
For example >> Johnny doesn’t steal. In fact he is absolutely against it. But after hanging out with the wrong crowd, he finds himself stealing things along with his new group of friends. Ask him now, what his thoughts are on stealing and he says “well everyone steals, why can’t I?”.
Although this is an extremely simplified example, you get the idea. Johnny doesn’t have a solidified sense of boundary in his life. The problem with having an incomplete identity with pseudo boundaries is that we fully embrace our identity. And when we do not fully solidify boundaries, we act unaligned with ourselves and move in a direction that is incongruent with our true identity.
Now as most can attest, this code of conduct is extremely important in being attractive to women. To really create attraction we have to act in accordance with our identity but we must also have an identity that is attractive and hits all of the attraction switches in a women.
Maybe you have heard the suggestions:
- Be the prize.
- Play hard to get.
- Come off as if you don’t need them.
- Be self assured.
- Be confident.
- Be goal oriented.
- Be the alpha male.
- Be passionate.
- Etc, etc blah blah blah…
Now, I would have to agree, if you possessed all of these qualities you would most likely have your inner game worked out and have options with women. But what I’ve noticed among the naturals is that they don’t posess just one of these qualities, they encompass them ALL. They are a package deal alluding to a much deeper, simpler quality: Identity. All of these so called naturals have extremely strong identities. They know who they are, they know who they aren’t, and they have fully accepted and embraced their reality as the only reality that matters.
Have you ever had the experience of hearing a joke that you thought wasn’t funny but you decided to laugh anyway. Why did you decide to laugh?
More than likely you didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable and thus you faked validating them. More often than not, naturals with strong identities won’t laugh at your joke if they don’t think it is funny. There are honest with themselves and honest with you in their sense of humor.
In telling a joke, you are asking for value. You are communicating something that you expect will invoke a positive emotion (laugh) out of those who hear you thus making you feel good about your influence over these peoples well-being. This is value taking. And what you will find with those with a strong identity is that when they do give you value, it is sincere and honest.
For instance my mom will often call me and when I speak she will basically agree with everything I have to say. She will always take my side. She will compliment me always saying how much I’ve turned into a handsome young man. And she should, she is my mom.
But when I receive a compliment from my mom and a compliment from one of my top psychology professors, I interpret them much differently. Obviously, I love my mom but the compliments I receive from my professor are of much more importance to me because I know that he would not give me value if I didn’t deserve it. This is evidence of a powerful identity.
Ok, so this article become a bit of a ramble but I feel strongly about the need to really have a solid identity. Thanks, DThomas.
A few key things to take from this:
- Be honest with yourself and others.
- Solidify your internal code of conduct and live by it
- Give value where it is deserved and don’t give value where it is not deserved
- Communicate through action not reaction