Confidence is a concept that is often considered to be the holy grail of attrabutes that both men and women are attracted to.  In fact, if you were to go up to any random women and ask her what she looks for in a guy, you can almost be positive that CONFIDENCE will be at the top of her list and vice versa.

So what is confidence?

Confidence is the deepest belief that success is achievable and within arms length.  Everyone has confidence to some degree in their lives. For example, I’m sure like you, most people are confident driving a car or reading a book. The problem is, much of the time, this positive self belief  is context-based and never fully translated to other parts of your life including attracting men/women.   The good news is, confidence isn’t a  personality trait. It’s an attitude that can be learned.  Here are Six Steps to Building Confidence in Yourself.

1. Identify core values

The first step in becoming confident is realizing your core values.  Doing so will manifest a congruent identity that is aligned with how you live your life. And a man who knows exactly what he wants from himself and others is a confident man. The quickest way to recognize what you value in life to ask yourself some specific questions. The trick is not think about an answer. Just take into account the first few thoughts that pop into your head. Your intuition often knows best.

Here are 3 questions you can ask yourself that will hopefully shine some light on your core values.

1. “What are the things in life that make me happy?”
2. “What are the things in life that I am best at?”
3. “If I was forced to live by one ethic alone, what would it be?”

Your answers to these questions should provide a road map to a confident belief system.

2. Set goals

Another good way to become more confident is to set small goals that can be achieved during the day. Most people equate goals to feats that are near unachievable. It’s good to set some long-term goals, but it’s also good to set goals that you can achieve right now. The crazy thing is you can turn basically any remedial task into a goal. For example, on one occasion I set a goal to run 3 miles. I achieved my goal and took a split moment to celebrate. The same day I set a goal to say hello to three people I had never met. I achieved my goal and briefly basked in glory.  What I realized is that after you’ve completed consecutive goals, your mind will start to associate what you do with success. As a result, you feel more comfortable in your ability for other, unrelated aspects of life.  So, if you want a real easy way to gain confidence, set mini goals and achieve them throughout the day.

3. Externalize Success and Accomplishments

Another way to become confident is to write down everything you know you are good at. It doesn’t have to be anything unique or profound. It can be as simple as “I am a good driver!” If you take into account much of the daily things you do and have done, your mind will begin to realize how competent you actually are. If you want to take this one step further, you can write down all of your accomplishments.  Seeing as much of our thinking is pattern-oriented, when you do this, you re-hardwire your brain for positive, productive thinking.

4. Affirmations

Another way to create confidence is to practice saying affirmations to yourself. Because the unconscious mind cannot distinguish between the real world and the mental realm,  affirmations often slip past your consciousness into a place where they become real beliefs even if you have never had any success in that particular area.  Note: In creating affirmations, it is extremely important to always keep them positive. Your unconscious mind does not hear positives or negatives. It simply hears commands. So if you were to say to yourself “I’m not a loser!” your subconscious mind will still hear “I’m” and “loser.” Here is a set of affirmations I’ve used in the past that helped me become more confident.

I am blessed
I am attractive
I am confident
I am in control of my life
I know what I want
I know how to get what I want
I am successful
I am loved by others
I love myself
I am capable of anything
I am interesting
I am intelligent

Say these over and over again to yourself.

Keep in mind, confidence doesn’t happen over night. If you want to expedite the process, you can print a few affirmations out in large lettering and tape them to your ceiling or mirrors or any other place where you will see them every day. They don’t even have to be long affirmations. You could even do something like “YES, YOU CAN!”

5. Gain Competence

Competence and success will also fuel your confidence. In terms of meeting women, competence will come with studying Attractology and using the theories and techniques we provide on the site.  In fact, the only purpose of routines is to get success under your belt so you can become more confident with men and women. In reality, if you want the deeply embedded belief that you can attract men/women, you will need to be absolutely positive that you have that ability. To be absolutely positive, you will need some success under your belt. Check out our outer game section to see some ways to get some initial success that will further boost your confidence.

6. Communities

Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people is very important in gaining and sustaining positive self-belief. If you surround yourself with people who constantly belittle you and bring you down, it can be very difficult to sustain confidence. Eagles soar with other eagles for a reason and you too need to surround yourself with people who will support your personal growth and accept you for who you are. In terms of creating a stronger social net, find people with common interests and become part of a group/s. Some examples of social groups are work friends, classmates, teammates, club members, etc.  These are great for building confidence as well.

The important thing to remember is that you are unique in who you are, and you provide something no one else can, which makes you special.  You are awesome, and once you believe that, everyone else will too!