There are a basic number of areas where a lot of men and women get stuck and are unable to progress in the attraction process. Here are some ideas that will help you get past some common roadblocks.
What’s your sticking point?
If you aren’t getting out of your house and into places where people are, you are completely taking yourself out of this game. No matter how far fetched your fantasy is, the last thing you will find is your ideal mate knocking on your front door asking if they can have your hand in marriage. It just doesn’t happen. So if you want to meet someone, the first step is to get out of your house. I know this may seem difficult. Your home is comfortable. Your home is safe. But you have to do it if you want to handle this part of your life. Here are some suggestions for solving this problem without feeling like you are going out aimlessly.
Join a local gym.
When you join a gym, you are joining a club and becoming a part of a community. How intact that community is, is a different story. But nonetheless, a gym is a great place to start. Not only will you be surrounded by fit, beautiful people, you will also be able to keep your mind and body fit.
Get on a sports team.
If you are living in a larger city there are always sports teams that need extra players on their teams. If your terrible at all sports , NO PROBLEM. Each sport generally has divisions with different levels of competition. If your lacking in the athleticism department, you might want to choose a less competitive division. In terms of finding open spots, there are generally web sites for each particular city. Simply search online for “rec league sports in ____city______” This is a great way to make new friends and expand your social network. And it’s fun.
Try a yoga class.
Possibly one of the least tapped resources for meeting women are yoga classes. Nowhere else will you be filled with a group of women in spandex stretching their bodies every which way. Anyone can take yoga and it will also keep your mind and body fit.
If you live in a city or near a city you should be well aware that there is always some form of entertainment being provided. Get a hold of your newspaper or look online and you can find just about every event that is taking place near your area. Go to music concerts. Go to theatres. Start rooting for a professional sports team. Don’t let it hold you back if you have nobody to go with. Your social circles will develop in time.
Coffee shops are also great places to frequent. They are always packed with sexy co-eds. So grab a book or bring your laptop and get your work done while sipping your Caremel Machiatto. I also suggest picking one spot and become a regular there. Not only will you get a chance to meet the regulars coming in, you also get to know the barristas working there.
If you are getting out as much as possible and still not meeting anyone, you are neglecting to go approach. Eventually, you are going to have to put your ego aside and simply approach women. Become that friendly guy who just talks to people and doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
If you are immediately getting rejected you are most likely sending the wrong signals right off the bat. More than likely when you go approach women you are displaying too much sexual intent either through your words or through your body language.
When you do strike up a conversation with a women, make it non-threatening, non-sexual and entirely friendly and disarming. If you are not a threat women will have no problem talking to you. I learned this watching my 70 something year old grandpa (who used to be a natural with women in his day) befriend just about every person he came in contact with. Men or women, it didn’t matter. He was just a sweet old man who was friendly and personable. And he never got rejected by women for doing that… ever. Now I’m not sure if it will help you to see yourself as a jolly old senior citizen, but if you have no problem approaching than why not? The more disarming and non-threatening you are, the less likely you will get rejected right off the bat.
When you show sexual intent right when you meet a women she is going to assume that you only want her for your body. And she is probably right. If we win a prize we aren’t qualified for, we will always ask ourselves “why did I win this?”. The same goes for when you show sexual intent too early, the women will ask herself “what have I done to have already won this guys approval?” and then it clicks “oh yes, he is just like every other horny guy who only wants to sleep with me!”.
Another important factor to remember is women like a man who is going to fight for her. Often times they will put up a llittle resistance to see how much of a man you really are. Don’t mistake rejection for a women playing hard to get. It happens and too often guys think a women is standoffish when really she is just testing him. Being persistent and knowing what you want is an attractive quality in itself. Understand this and don’t dismiss yourself at the first sight of token resistance. Note: there is a huge difference between persistence and going against someone’s will. Don’t mistake the two or you might find yourself sharing a jail cell with bubba.
Studies have shown that more often than not a women will know if she is attracted to you within one to four minutes of meeting you. Attraction is a feeling a woman gets about you. If you find that women you are talking to lose interest within a short amount of time, then you are most likely not building enough of that initial attraction.
Here’s what we recommend. Women communicate on an emotion level while guys are more logical. To build great rapport with a woman and create the initial attraction you must communicate with her on an emotional level.
Try telling a short (1-2 minute long) relevant story that shows something about you, and gives her something about you to relate to. Remember to describe this story with emotional elemente like a sad story with a happy ending.
A great way to get a woman’s number is by “seeding the conversation with a plan”. Before going out, always know of at least one event or activity going on in your city that week. Once you are having a conversation with a woman and she is engaged, mention the event and talk it up without inviting her along. This is very non-threatening and should be something like “A couple friends and I are going to the new martini lounge tomorrow night, apparently the live music is great”. Keep the conversation continuing forward without inviting her. Maybe ask her what her favorite martini is and tell her how her answer fits her. Once you are about to leave (and remember it’s always better to leave on a high note), say goodbye and act as though you are leaving, then right before you do say “hey.. you know what? Why don’t you come grab a drink with us tomorrow? I’ll give you a call and tell you when it’s going down.” Presto, number close with a second date planned.
If you havn’t had a chance to seed the conversation with a place, another great line is “I’ve really enjoyed our conversation, how can we continue this?”. You present the question and let her come up with the solution. If she is at all interested she will suggest that you take her phone number or e-mail.
Several times I’ve called the woman right then and said “Look, our first call is out of the way. Now you can relax because it wont be awkward” with great results. She also then has your number so she will know it’s you calling.
If you get a lot of phone numbers but your calls are not getting answered, then you have have made a mistake earlier in the interaction. If this is happening consistently, it has nothing to do with your messages or how you sound on the phone, and everything to do with the connections you are having with these women.
She still feels like there is a lack of trust between you two. Don’t forget that attraction is nothing more than a feeling and feelings can change almost instantly in a women. More than likely she lost that loving feeling and answering your call would be uncomfortable and awkward.
If you want to solidify your place in a her heart you are going to have to create a sense of trust and comfort right after you have gotten her attracted to you. Having a little inside joke to go off of is one way to create a sense of trust and comfort. Of course the best way to create a sense of comfort is to pry open a women’s soul. Find out what she likes. Find out what she hates. Find out what her most cherished childhood memory is. You are basically going to want to ask her leading questions that will give her the opportunity to open up to you. By her opening up to you, she is making an emotional investment into you. She is throwing more comfort chips into the pot and therefore will be more willing to see how the relationship hand plays out. So when you do call her or text her, she will be more keen on answering.
Think about this. From the moment you spark up attraction with a women to the moment you start a sexual relationship with a women you start climbing a physical escalation ladder. From first meeting her, you may touch her arm, give her a hug. After she is attracted to you, you may hold her hand and kiss her. After she comes over you may make out with her, have dry sex and then move up to the bedroom. The point is that you are always physically escalating so that the next rung on the escalation ladder is completely natural. As long as you keep the escalation process moving forward, it eventually will end in sex. However, there are times when you can get a snag when comes to escalating. This snag usually happens just before sex.
Realize that sex for a women is an extremely massive emotional connection. It’s similar for men but not to the same degree as women. And if you think about this, it makes sense. The women is the one who gets pregnant and every time she has sex, she is taking that risk. When she has sex with a guy she has to know that if the worst were to happen (pregnancy) that the guy will help raise the child. In a more primitive day and age a man leaving or sticking around could mean life or death. And over thousands of years, a survival mechanism has been built into women to let them know that this could potentially be a life threatening event.
Often, women get an a bit of anxietly just before having sex with a guy for the first time. This feeling can be generalized to almost all women and been termed Last Minute Resistance. The good news is that the more comfort and trust you have between yourself and women, the less intense that feeling is. So if you want to take it to the highest physical level, you first have to take it to the highest emotional level.
About The Kiss
You will not get a kiss if she is not ready to give you one. If you find yourself consistently getting denied a kiss, it is very likely you are making mistakes earlier in your game and not with how you are asking for it. One simple way to let her know you would like to kiss her is by saying:
“I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now”
You aren’t asking if you can kiss her. But she will let you know if she wants you to or not by saying something like “why” (green light) or “yea, that’s probably best” (yellow/red light). If she denies your passive request here, you can push her away slightly with teasing. Or you can passively punish her by leaning out and away and appearing as if you are losing interest in her. If she has emotionally invested enough into you, she will always come back, reinitiate and ultimately be more willing to accept your physical invitation. From there it is just repeating the kiss attempt. In terms of physical connection, the purpose of the kiss is never to get her aroused or thinking sexually. It is merely to deepen the emotional connection and get kissing out of the way. DO NOT escalate farther than making out with a girl until you are in a seduction location (a residence, house, apt).