The Sexual Relationship from A to Z
Eventually there will come a point in time, maybe after a few dates or after a few months, when things start to heat up, and you will inevitably end up in one of each others’ sacred sleeping spots: the bedroom. When this magical time begins to play itself out, there is one important piece of information to understand: emotional escalation and physical escalation should move down the same track at the same speed.
If you realize you have an extremely strong emotional connection with a woman but the only physical contact that’s occurred is the occasional game of thumb war, then you’re on the fast track towards becoming a platonic friend. If this is the case, stop playing hand games and amp it up; there are much more fun places to put your thumb than over hers! Likewise, if you get too physical before there is any emotional connection, you are likely to get “buyer’s remorse”; the feeling of making a impulsive emotional decision that later begs the question “What the hell was I thinking?” This is why it’s important to keep the emotional connection on par with the physical connection.
Whenever you feel things starting to heat up there are some basic guidelines you can follow that will lubricate the process of becoming physically intimate. And yes, “lubricate” could not have been a better choice in words.
As with everything else I’ve discussed, remove all expectations when going into a situation where you think you might be getting physical. The times you expect that you will be getting some leaves room to be let down. However, if you go in with no expectations and it does happen, it’s a win/win. Wam, bam, thank you Ma’am!
Another important point about sexual relationships is the balance of power that comes with it. The ease at which you can walk away from a situation will determine the power you have in that situation. I’m not suggesting you should be power hungry, or that their shouldn’t be a balance of power, but it’s a matter of fact that the person least invested in something has the most power, whether it be a relationship, sex, or even a business deal.
Recognize that by being over-zealous, you give your power away and allow her to set the terms of the relationship, and yes gentlemen, that includes the sexual part as well.
As an attractive man, you should always be able to lead and set the pace. Nine times out of ten, women will not make the first move. They expect you to be a man and take charge in this area of the relationship. It’s sexy, it displays confidence, and most of all, it alleviates a woman from feeling responsible. Allow her to swept up in your wake of strong sexual energy!
“Two steps forward, one step back”
- David DeAngelo
If you’re looking to spice things up, always advance two steps forward and one step back. Kiss her softly on the lips and then pull back, look her in the eyes and coyly ask her, “What are you doing to me?” Then go back to kissing her. As soon as you see she is enjoying something just a little too much, take it away. This is one way to progress sexually, but again, this something that should be felt out naturally. What this slow escalation process will do is build tension so that when you both do finally get that release, it will be all that much better.
Intermittence -> Uncertainty -> More Excitement -> Increased desire
As I mentioned in Chapter 4 of Foundations, when you have a dream come true, the novelty wears off very quickly and becomes normal. The main purpose for creating sexual tension is to keep that fantasy alive while simultaneously bringing it closer and closer to a reality. Ideally, you want to keep that sexual tension alive just long enough before she can’t handle it anymore, and then release it giving her what she wants.
The harder someone has to work for a specific outcome, the more they will appreciate the payoff. If Harvard’s admittance requirements made it easy for anyone to get in, then getting accepted there wouldn’t be as rewarding as if you had to get near perfect SAT’s and maintain a high G.P.A. The harder you have to work, the larger the perceived reward.
Quick Tip: Always keep champagne, beer, or wine in your fridge. If you know what she likes, go buy that before the date.
Upping the Stakes
There are certain places on the female body that most men overlook when they are becoming physically intimate. Men think, “Well, most of the pleasure for me comes from my twig and two berries, so I’m sure that most of the pleasure for her comes from her vagina.” If I was an officer of the Bed Law, I would slap a ticket on your forehead, telling you to stop SPEEDING and slow down! Yes, the clitoris has more nerve receptors than any other part on her body, but that does not mean women are not sensitive in other areas. A women’s neck, breasts, collar bone, back, ribs, inside of wrists, thighs, and feet are just a few places where if given the right amount of attention and stimulation will make her scream, “Take me now! Destination pleasure town.”
The body is covered in receptors, some of which are more sensitive to certain women, and other areas are not. To explore this, imagine that she has this sexual energy that is surging through her body, and it’s your job to amplify this to a point where her body, mind, and soul cannot resist it any longer. If you can pay close attention to how her body moves with your touch, and explore when her body becomes more excited, you will be able to use your senses to understand these erogenous zones and be able to amplify them with confidence and fluidity.
The key here is to PAY ATTENTION and have no other goal in mind but to listen and understand the inner workings of her inner sexual energy. Most men are so caught up in the future anticipation of having sex that they lose sight of the importance of foreplay.
Harness Your Inner Man
One way to boost a women’s physiological arousal level is by getting sexually aggressive. Pushing a women up against the wall and kissing her passionately will boost her sexual arousal level. You can pull her close to you aggressively. You can pin her arms back behind her head while kissing her. You can grind your hips against hers, nibble her ear, softly bite her neck, draw your hands down her back with enough power to let her know that you have control. Anything that can be perceived as dominant, sexual male behavior can boost her physiological response in a physically intimate situation and will turn up the heat. You might want to have some ice cubes nearby to cool yourself off!
I must note that being sexually aggressive DOES NOT MEAN GOING AGAINST HER WILL. If she says STOP, NO, or DON’T, listen to her. Not doing so could result in you facing a rape charge and possibly a new inmate who you can be sure will show you a new meaning for the words sexual aggression. Understand that there is a difference between having a passionate sexual experience with a woman and an aggressive sexual experience with her. Her willingness and reciprocation will be an indicator of what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Stay within her comfort boundaries and you shouldn’t have a problem.
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