What He Thinks/What She Thinks Series: Is it OK for a girl to ask a guy out?
Is it OK for Women to Ask Men Out?
On a First Date
What he’s thinking: (By Tyler)
Of course it’s OK for the girl to ask the guy out. This isn’t the 1950’s. However, there does need to be a protocol observed by both parties. Due to the natural wiring of a man, we are certified hunters, and need to be chasing for us to feel like we are being challenged enough. However, if a woman wants to ask a guy out, there are great ways to allow him to feel like you’re still a challenge, just make the guy feel like it is his idea. It’s kind of like the movie “Inception.” The great thing about it is that there is always an out. Guys know this first-hand. How many times have you heard “I have a boyfriend” from a girl? It’s a pretty standard response that women believe is a polite way to let a guy down if she’s not interested in going out with him. Well guys, don’t we have that same option?
I personally enjoy seeing some assertiveness from a woman. Knowing what you want in life is a trait of confidence, and seeking it, is an attractive quality. Unfortunately, some of the women out there have been conditioned to believe the man should make the first move, whether it is the first date, first kiss, first anything. In reality, a strong, confident man does not mind taking a back seat once in a while, and letting the woman drive. And that’s the kind of guy you’re looking for after all, isn’t it ladies?
What she thinks: (By Carina)
Though the Facebook poll blew my own personal opinion out of the water, I’m standing my ground. I’ve been called a traditionalist, and while I don’t subscribe to “the Rules,” I do believe that if a guy is interested in a woman, he will make the first move.
Though this topic is infinitely more complicated than the simple question, the bottom line is this: He won’t value his interest in you if you have to ask him out. You will be setting a precedent of being the one to lead the relationship, which can lead to complications further on. Think first kiss, first intimate moment, any relationship discussion that may or may not happen, etc. How things begin is often how they will continue.
It’s very similar to waiting for the first call or text. If you don’t hear from someone, it’s not because they lost your number or are simply having a busy week. It means that they are just not that into you.
Ladies, don’t you want a guy, don’t you deserve a guy, who would call, text or ask you out?
I’m not saying leave everything in the guy’s hands. As a woman, I think dropping a few obvious hints is more than appropriate. Let him know you are interested in him, not just for the evening but in the future. “I’ve never tried that restaurant, but have been meaning to…” “When so-and-so bartends they make the best (insert name of drink here), you have to try it sometime!” “I’m so curious about that new SAM exhibit. It’s supposed to open in a week.” … you get the idea. It’s OK to imply, but let him take it from there.
Second Date and Beyond
What he thinks:
This is wide open. After a few dates, I would personally be disappointed if the woman wasn’t setting up, asking, and delivering on a date of her planning. I want a woman to bring me into her world, just as much as she wants to be brought into mine. In fact, it’s a fantastic way for the man to get to know the woman better, as a simple date can give a lot of information about a person, especially in the early stages.
What she thinks:
Until you’ve established a mutual interest in dating and seeing each other on a regular basis, I think every date is just like the first date. As a woman you do have more room to be clearer and apparent in your interest of another date. Talk about “checking something out together” in future tense. But continue to allow him to suggest a specific time and place. You deserve to be pursued.
How do you feel about it? Feel free to leave us a comment!