What Does ‘Attractive’ Mean (Part 1)
A question I get from a lot of people is “so do you just teach guys how to pick up women?” and always I answer plainly and honestly: NO. See, being an attractive person is so much more than just men picking up women or women picking up men. An attractive person is someone who welcomes abundance into their life and as a byproduct of that comes more enriching relationships, more financial success and anything else that makes your life good. And it’s funny because when I first started studying this stuff a few years back I thought that meeting women and having ‘intimate’ relationships was the answer to everything. And once I got those things on a consistent basis, I recognized that alone picking up a woman can be very empty, shallow and unfulfilling. And the more I tried to convince myself that of the opposite, the more I was left unsatisfied. Now, I still enjoy intimacy and relationships but the way I look at it is very different than I once did.
Love the Moment
See, when you’re in an intimate relationship or have an ‘intimate’ experience, in that moment it’s not really any more special than any other moment. This is why we never actually recognize that normalness of sex until we’re actually having it. I can remember the first time I had sex, I was left thinking “wow is that it? That was sweet (though brief) but for the amount of time I’ve spent thinking about this…wow” And this is basically anything you fantisize about having or getting. When a fantasy becomes a reality, and those supposedly special moments come into fruition, the novelty wears off and you’requickly left with ‘wow is that it?” What does this mean? It means really you should welcome every moment as the best moment of your life. Every day is best day of your life and so on. All you have is the moment you’re in. And when you fully accept and embrace this, you really stop putting expectations on future events because you’re so immersed in what’s happening now. This is so important and if you can master this, you’ll not only skyrocket the intimacy and meaningfulness in your relationships, it will also lead to a much more enriching life.
Be a Giver
Along the same lines as loving the moment, an attractive person is also a giver. When you love yourself, you are at ease with the moment and your relationship to the world, you naturally give to others in all types of forms. It can be a compliment, a favor or even just a smile but whatever it is, your core motivation always dwells in a place of non-neediness. In other words, you give selflessly without expecting anything in return. And there’s a huge distinction because a lot of people give but inside expect to get the world back. They are playing for a transaction rather than a gift. A great example is a guy who takes a women out on an extravagant date, pays for everything, showers her with compliments yet on a deeper level he’s doing it because he wants her to like him. This is possibly the most common mistake ‘nice guys’ make yet it’s never their niceness that’s the problem, it’s the neediness. Woman can smell it a mile away and it stinks. However when you give selflessly, not expecting anything back, the world always manifests a way to repay you whether that payment is intrinsic or not. So be that guy who gives value to people without expecting to get anything back.
Be Active
An attractive man is also a Doer. There are those who act and there are those who waver back and forth like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure of which direction to run. An attractive person is the former. A great deal of people don’t act, not because they don’t want to but because of fear. Fear of failure, loss, of the unknown yet what they neglect to realize is that failure and loss may bring you set backs but they are a necessary risk on the road to success. As an attractive person, you’ve got to act. This means turning off those voices in your head that play out future hypotheticals or ‘what others will think’ and just putting your feet in motion. You can always bounce back from failure but you’ll never succeed if you never take risks to begin with. And this is so important if you want to have success with women. You won’t meet women if you don’t put yourself on a limb and throw yourself in the fire. But I promise, the more you throw yourself into the fire, the more you’ll be able to find a way to not get burned.
“Fortune favors the bold”
-Virgil
Stay tuned for part 2.
The more you throw yourself out there with women?…well I have been at this for several years now, studied, taken bootcamps, consultations, dress well, keep in good shape, have good body language and I have done thousands of approaches and I still cannot get an attractive women to date so I dont know about this abundance stuff…..its very frustrating and discouraging….
First off, thank you Gary for your comment, it speaks true to several men.
There are so many bootcamps, and consultations that charge people an arm and a leg, and only brush the surface of what it means to be attractive. We learn XYZ on how to get the girl, and when it comes down to it, these routines rarely work, and are really just methods for getting us comfortable in different social situations with women that we may have steered clear of before. We then begin soaking up all of this knowledge, thinking that it will provide an answer for us and more often than not, it doesn’t.
Even though we recognize attractive body language, we are still unable to connect to the source that drives this attractive body language: that confident, fluid, and controlled posture. We can see it, but for us to actually do it, is another story. LIke machines we try to assimilate this body language into our own, but yet when we interact with women, we don’t feel like this body language looks or feels natural.
We recognize routines, and openers but do not connect to what makes all of these routines work; our voice is hesitant, the connection between what it is that we say and how it actually makes us feel seems inauthentic and often times is.
Gary, there is a reason that all of this external, and superficial knowledge doesn’t work. That is because we are trying to conform to something that we are not. We are behaving in a way that doesn’t connect to the source of who we are.
This can change though!
When you see a beautiful woman smiling while she’s reading a book, instead of going down a list of openers, find something natural to say, “Hey, you know I typically don’t notice this sort of thing, but you have a great smile. I was reading my newspaper and thought I’d come over and see what you were smiling about.”
The problem that so many people have is that they try too hard. Watch the Interview Series with Deidra and listen to what she says her “turn offs” are… She acknowledges that attraction stems from a place of being genuine, and that women, including herself, can tell when us men are trying too hard, her example is ‘the guy who looks like he took more time to get ready than she did.”
My advice to you Gary is to look within, where do you find happiness, what do you love about yourself outside of this dating world. How can you bring those qualities out into the world that you live in, this is the ‘Abundance’ that Briddick speaks of. It comes from within and comes from a place of giving; we have a genuine belief that core of who YOU ARE, can manifest anything that you want by putting all of your energy and an unconditional faith toward it, that even with frustration and discouragement, if you want something bad enough, a woman, there will be a woman that is right for you, and you just haven’t found her yet.
I imagine you have put your energy and faith toward this to an extent, and this why you’ve landed here on our site.
~Mason
Great response Mason. Couldn’t have said it better than that!
Let’s just say i didn’t want to wash my hands this mourning because I pulled something epic using stuff i learn on this website and I want to say Thank you.
these are the types of comments that I love to hear! Glad to hear it Nathan! Cheers.
-Briddick
I got theee Briddick to respond to my comment. dude im pulling better and better game and now its just natural i dont have to think about what phase im in or how to throw out the right neg or when to use kino its just like second nature now I have options when it comes to girls. My journey all started with mystery too thank you sir. I was homeless and carless when i read mystery method and wow i was behind on life. Now i have a job which isnt my dream but it pays the bills. And ive got lots of friends that are girls. I just feel like im doing it right and again, Thank you.
Mason,
I appreciate the response. The sad thing is that I do open up quite often in a routine less way. My professional life is great, I have many friends, am social but for the life of me I cannot get an attractive woman to date, have not had a date in months, cannot get numbers, emails no matter what I do. Its really frustrating. Everyone says “oh its personality’ – oh really? I have friends that have the personalities of bricks dating very attractive women, in fact one is dating a Bears cheerleader. What separates them from me? Well most of them make really good money, most are pretty tall (over 6ft – and you know that does help) and most are pretty good looking guys. If I gather with a group of them I am the life of the party and get most of the laughs but oh no they get the women on their looks and money…and me well I do ok for myself but at 5’7 and 40 years of age I sleep alone every night….
Thanks
Gary if we can ever help with something don’t hesitate to email me dthomas@attractology.com or call at 360.920.1218.
Hey awesome great to see that your not just a bunch of shallow douche bag tools out to teach some Bros how to pick up chicks :p