What Does ‘Attractive’ Mean (Part 1)

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 vitruvian_manA question I get from a lot of people is “so do you just teach guys how to pick up women?”  and always I answer plainly and honestly: NO.  See, being an attractive person is so much more than just men picking up women or women picking up men.  An attractive person is someone who welcomes abundance into their life and as a byproduct of that comes more enriching relationships, more financial success and anything else that makes your life good. And it’s funny because when I first started studying this stuff a few years back I thought that meeting women and having ‘intimate’  relationships was the answer to everything.  And once I got those things on a consistent basis, I recognized that alone picking up a woman can be very empty, shallow and unfulfilling.  And the more I tried to convince myself that of the opposite, the more I was left unsatisfied.  Now, I still enjoy intimacy and relationships but the way I look at it is very different than I once did.  

Love the Moment

See, when you’re in an intimate relationship or have an ‘intimate’ experience, in that moment it’s not really any more special than any other moment.  This is why we never actually recognize that normalness of sex until we’re actually having it.  I can remember the first time I had sex, I was left thinking “wow is that it? That was sweet (though brief) but for the amount of time I’ve spent thinking about this…wow”  And this is basically anything you fantisize about having or getting.  When a fantasy becomes a reality, and those supposedly special moments come into fruition, the novelty wears off and you’requickly left with ‘wow is that it?”  What does this mean?  It means really you should welcome every moment as the best  moment of your life.  Every day is best day of your life and so on.  All you have is the moment you’re in.  And when you fully accept and embrace this, you really stop putting expectations on future events because you’re so immersed in what’s happening now.  This is so important and if you can master this, you’ll not only skyrocket the intimacy and meaningfulness in your relationships, it will also lead to a much more enriching life.  

Be a Giver

power-of-giving-5Along the same lines as loving the moment, an attractive person is also a giver.  When you love yourself, you are at ease with the moment and your relationship to the world, you naturally give to others in all types of forms.  It can be a compliment, a favor or even just a smile but whatever it is, your core motivation always dwells in a place of non-neediness.  In other words, you give selflessly without expecting anything in return.  And there’s a huge distinction because a lot of people give but inside expect to get the world back.  They are playing for a transaction rather than a gift.  A great example is a guy who takes a women out on an extravagant date, pays for everything, showers her with compliments yet on a deeper level he’s doing it because he wants her to like him.  This is possibly the most common mistake ‘nice guys’  make yet it’s never their niceness that’s the problem, it’s the neediness.   Woman can smell it a mile away and it stinks. However when you give selflessly, not expecting anything back, the world always manifests a way to repay you whether that payment is intrinsic or not. So be that guy who gives value to people without expecting to get anything back. 

Be Activesky-diving

An attractive man is also a Doer.  There are those who act and there are those who waver back and forth like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure of which direction to run.  An attractive person is the former.   A great deal of people don’t act, not because they don’t want to but because of fear.  Fear of failure, loss, of the unknown yet what they neglect to realize is that failure and loss may bring you set backs but they are a necessary risk on the road to success.  As an attractive person, you’ve got to act.  This means turning off those voices in your head that play out future hypotheticals or ‘what others will think’ and just putting your feet in motion.  You can always bounce back from failure but you’ll never succeed if you never take risks to begin with.  And this is so important if you want to have success with women.  You won’t meet women if you don’t put yourself on a limb and throw yourself in the fire.  But I promise, the more you throw yourself into the fire, the more you’ll be able to find a way to not get burned. 
 
“Fortune favors the bold”
-Virgil
 
Stay tuned for part 2.