One of the biggest problems guys face when communicating with women is running out of things to say and letting the conversation lull to where there’s that awkward ‘ummmmm….sooo’.  At this point, the most comfortable thing to do tuck tail, politely excuse yourself and basically cut off a potentially fruitful relationship. This happens incredibly often yet is completely unnecessary when interacting with a woman.  If you want to be able to attract anywhere,  you have to have the ability to create a natural, engaging conversation between yourself and a woman.   

The first thing that needs to be recognized is that as a person who’s initiating a conversation, you need to be able to lead and move the interaction forward.  Even though this won’t always be the case you should always be prepared to give about 80% and expect around 20% in this first few minutes.  Eventually this should move to 50/50 but occasionally you’ll find people who take time to warm up to strangers.  Having that ability to simply talk about anything will reduce the chances of an awkward silence.  And though this is such a simple concept, a lot of guys really struggle with this when it comes to speaking with women.  In fact, one of the biggest complaints I hear from men is that they run out of things to talk about.  This is literally impossible. You have decades of experience to draw on and relate to.  You should be able to talk for days.   So the excuse “I ran out of things to say’ is purely myth.  There should be a million things you can talk about.   

However, there are some things to enable a conversation to go more smoothly. 

Whenever I’m helping someone with this, the first thing that I attune them to is their environment and how to take advantage of the present moment.   When people run out of things to say it’s usually because their stuck in their head either monitoring their own behavior or trying too hard to think of something ‘interesting’ to say rather than just letting whatever comes out, come out.  

You have to remove that filter and when you attune to your environment and see what’s going on around you, you get out of your head and it’s so much easier to create verbal flow.   ”Ooh that’s an interesting necklace, what’s the story behind that?’ And so on.  You will also come to find is that when you’re in sync with what’s going on around you, you get a thousand and one conversational cues from the environment.   There are so many things happening around us that we neglect to pay attention to unless we’re completely present.  So if you’re one of those guys who is always running out of things to say, get out of your head and attune to your senses and the environment around you. 

Another key pointer for enabling an engaging conversation is to use statements over questions.

The great thing about statements is that you can throw them out and people can respond but aren’t required to.  In improv theater this is called an offer because it allows another person to accept it and work off of it rather than force a narrow, limited response a question  requires.  With just asking questions, there’s a lack of fluidity, pizzazz and women find it down right boring.  Maybe you’ve been in the position where you don’t know what to say so you go straight for the -what do you do?  -Where are you from? boring interview conversation.  Attractive woman have had this conversation a million and one times with guys and can’t stand it.  Just realize that any question can be rephrased into a statement. ‘Where do you work”  can be usually get answered by ‘I had the craziest day at work today’ and going from there.  By talking about something in your life, it always gives cues for her to relate to and build off of.    

This flows right into the next thing I want to cover and that’s relating through stories.

I’d say around 90% of conversation is storytelling in some form.  We are constantly relating to one another through our personal experiences. Now people always assume stories have to be these long drawn out, intriguing tales that changed the course of  life in some way but most stories aren’t really like this.  Yes, some stories and life experiences have changed us and we can talk about those but a good majority of our story telling is going to be little mini stories that were either reminded to us by something someone said or a cue in the environment.   An example of a short little story might be  ”wow you know I was riding the bus the other day and this strange man looked at me like he recognized me, walked up and said ‘don’t do it man!’  I was so weirded out.” It can be that short.  

An exercise I often teach and do myself before I go out in an any social environment is to point to a random object and find a way to relate that object to my life.  I’ll do this with a variety of random objects to the point where anything in the environment becomes a cue for a conversational lead in.  And this is great not only preparing to talk to women but also to any other social interaction that may take place.  Because the more you can relate to your environment, the more there she’ll be able to relate to as well.  The more offers you give, the easier it will be for her to accept and build off of.